Waiting Room & This Road

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
-Shane & Shane


All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through
-Jars of Clay

When You are near

There’s no need to say a thing,
When I’m before you in this silence
I feel refreshed with peace
Break this noise that binds the voice
That tries speak open up my eyes to see
Your gracious sovereign reach

It’s hard to talk when I feel that you are near,
When all is quiet it’s the beauty that I hear,
This hidden place where I know that you calm my fears
I know that you’ve washed my tears

The seasons of change I’ve faced
Have never left me wounded
Only scars of hurt
But never deeply rooted
This healing I have felt
No burden can replace
Redemptive hope has been the story of my pain

All is lost without the breath of life you give
And you give so much
I want nothing more than you so here’s my heart
-Jeremy camp

As Every Tear

As every tear wets this page
and every stormy day joins the larger sorrow
and every raindrop joins the river
flowing indefinitely

As blue sky nests in clear view
like a paintbrush, across the blue sky
seeking the next horizon
going forever on

this dessert pen records
every grain of sand
and every new way
that old is written to say

Oh the landscape that were writ with these tears
and oh the emotions which were once contained
every word meant something
oh the old silent longing

When words no longer needed to be spoken

Oh this night that falls on this wilderness
in the dessert time and lone roads
As the day breaks soon to set away
in beautiful misty light

Oh the echoe of these pines
discussion of matters I hardly knew
to find I am broken needing you
to find I am lost in only you

Words no longer need be spoken

Something Surrounding Circumstance

I am amazed at the ability my emotions have to wage war against me. I am amazed at how things I thought I never would struggle with have come to cripple me more than any other. I am amazed that God would be able to bend us back even straighter than before.Praise be to the God of restoration. The God of the new birth after the most horrible death.

If you don't know God has put me in unique places all my life. Through God's grace alone have I been able to be adjustable to the divine stretching that God wants to do, and by no means has it been easy. I will repeat again nothing of myself contributes to this I have only prayed and made decisions and the choice to be stretched. Apart from that I have done nothing but simply been available for His use.

Last night was one of the worst and best nights in my recent past. God stretched me in ways I couldn't can't and until heaven will probably never fully begin to comprehend. He bended me back into the shape He wants for me for this time place and season. Now with some realizations that I am very uncomfortable with and some direction that I am also uncomfortable with I have gained an understanding and something to write about.

There is something surrounding circumstance that we don't seem to get as Christians we look to everything except those things that will help. We let circumstane dictate things rather than a steadfast unchanging God. This must stop! We must forever be seeking out the face of Christ. Like Peter I was for so long looking at Jesus literally walking on water having wonders be done around me but then something happened, I got sidetracked by a little thing called circumstance and began to sink. Praise be to Jesus who rescues when we are sinking in deep water.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy,from my foes, who were too strong for me...the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me...For who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God ? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...You stoop down to make me great...therefore I will praise...I will sing praises to your name...unfailing God."

-psalm 18

Isn't that a God we should desire to whole heartedly pursue!As Evan would say "DUH"! I believe fully we lose sight of that.

"Lord here I am again in a dry and barren hole, a place where nothing can speak to me but this deepness and despair. Yet I can still see the light You so willingly offer and it is the only thing that gets me through. I am parched in desperate need of You. I know this all has purpose and I await what You will do with these circumstances and realizations..."

It is amazing that God could do such a transformational thing over the course of five hours last night bringing me out of darkness into full light. I learned above all else from last night that I give too much of myself. God is teaching me to play the bigger game be a player not an architect. He is teaching me the little leagues before he realeases me on the bigger ones. I guess it is all really about submission, making peace and having enough faith to believe God is who He is... unfailing.

You think I would get that by now but it seems the simplest lessons need to be retaught again and again.

We need to learn to make Jesus Friend foremost, He is always there for us always wanting to talk always willing to listen and wishing us to get better spuring us on to a deeper love and a deeper longing for and possesion of abundance of joy. He is never about all the stuff we as Christians make it about. He is simply about growing together, experiencing abundant life together.

We lost sight of the big picture. Circumstance can get us down. By no means am I saying life won't have its ups and downs yet when you know you have someone there that is the Friend of all Friends you lose sight of everything else. Your desires become His and His become yours. There is a beautiful thing I like to call divine flow. We lose sight that every molecule, every drop is beconing us back to the streams which lead to the river and those rivers which lead to bigger bodies of water.

Everything in the Christian life is simple we make it too complicated. It is all about Jesus. It is all about Him. Having His heart within us and letting that love that burns undying like the radiant sun reach out and warm this cold and dying world. Refall in love with Jesus...He is more than worthy to be called friend.

Strings

strings that play in a different way
improvising and singing with the sway

oh that one should break and cause more need
but soon to follow the sweetest of melody

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

and with swell and sway, the rise and fall,
moving and dancing, newly contained

could it be that the new page is far better than the old
to adapt and change, to lose and gain

that the season should change and cause us to bring
not something but to lose all we are

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

...written more beautiful then before

In Context

There is definatley a tendency within the Christian walk to forget certain aspects on very important issues. We forget often times that we need a seed to grow a tree. We expect everything to be done by an instant God, not the God of the whisper as 1 kings 19:12 talks about.We expect out gospel to go out almost instantaneously without any work. I must say tonight I am a little reluctant to write this one in fear of the implications it does mean for my life as well as yours and the fact I might piss people off but I will let the Spirit go before me and convict. It is a step I must take...Christ is calling me ...to be real...to be honest...to know who He has made me to be. I hope Christians everywhere will be able to for once live in context...

I find tonight words in my brain rattling and clanging simply saying "in context". I found myself saying" once again with this God, why?" So here I find myself tonight at the desk where miracles will be and have already been recounted simply trying to understand two simple words" in context."

It is a long held belief and observation of mine It is far easier in the Christian walk to fall into being irrelevant than to be unique. I find myself when I relate to Christian men and women having far more to say than to a dying generation that my words are far more needed by. I find myself desiring to just simply being able to relate. How? As all things in the Christian faith and walk it happens inside of your heart, it has and always will be about the heart condition.

Earlier this week I found myself asking the question on my knees why if this Spirit that You gave us is so majestic, so wonderful, so beautiful, so powerful, than why are we not all Yours why do we seem to be so out of phase with the lost. And I understand spiritual warfare and all that and that we do suck and all that and we are all torn into two the moment of our birth and our new birth. But I find myself simply thinking that Jesus Christ gave all of himself left Earth to give us the very Spirit of God to be within each of us, the very thing angels gaze and wonder about and what have we done with this? Instead of working on the inner temple we built even massiver outer temples in the forms of idols, churches, etc.. We build glorified walls and we have such a propensity as people to focus so much on the outer that we entirely forget the inner! What a wretched thing!

The only reason I believe the church,the relavant transformational community, is growing so heavily in Asia is because they know simply that there is a difference between soul and spirit because of the eastern religion that is native to the region. They understand the spiritual realm because they have seen the manifistation and power of the unseen. They know that is the only way to "enlightenment" they focus on the very subtle yet oh so imprtance difference of soul spirit and body. They take time to focus on the internal. Is this something we could learn from? Maybe spending a little more time on the whole "enlightenment" thing spending alone time with the God who whispers to us?

Our culture doesn't lend itself to knowing yourself until honestly college and we as Christians need to know who we are in the slightest hope of understanding who God is. God is calling us to be relevant to an ever changing culture. Not changing the beautiful Gospel but radically being a unique inspired, surrendered people. We must be in context. We must heavily know that we are three part in beutiful echo of God himself(1 thess 5:23). You are "spirit soul and body"in that order each one needing to be focused on.

We are Spirit.This is the inner court of the temple of who we are(1 cor 3:16) a place beyond understanding. All activities in the temple are directed by this place the revalation which happens in the utter silence and quitness of this place.It is the Holies of Holies where the Spirit of God indwells us. It may seem to us that nothing is done in the Holiest Place becauase it is pitch dark. Yet all thing revolve around this...

We are Soul. This is inbetween the spirit and the body.It must be noted that like God we cannot focus on one aspect of his character or we lose sight. We must foremost focus on the Spirit.

We are lastly Body: It may appear that everything revolves around the outer plane of who we are. But little do we know how the physical plane is influences by the spirit of certain men.

We must realize all this. I found myself a couple months asking myself is there only one way to getting closer to Jesus just as there is only way to salvation? After much thought I believe generally there is only one way. The only place you will change is when you choose not to focus on the outer rather the internal. For those of you who don't journal START. For those of you who don't know your tendencies FIND THEM OUT! We are wretched people covered by beautiful masquerades. There is a value to knowing who you are apart from the mask. Honesty is profitable in all ways and areas. The only reason I believe we find ourself in the prediciment we find ourselves in is because of you and me and are focus on the body rather than the spirit . We don't know who we are and in turn don't know who He is...we must grow in the understanding of who He is...we must in order to reach the lost.

JG

Right that you should fear Me

Tonight I find myself reluctant to check out my sources about what God is doing in the grander scheme. I see what He is doing here and my joy has come unhindered and in fullness. I fear though that this Great God I serve if I were to look into His outpourings gaining a reflection of who He is was and forever will be, getting closer to that True Picture, I would surely die. I am amazed at God who has only begun the miracles I have begun to see here. Giving a voice to the voiceless and healing in miraculous ways for others.

And as I hear my roomate refreshed and renewed from this amazing weekend, singing praises to the king and knowing certain "secrets" I simply want to cry because God is so good and so faithful and I have only begun to see the grander scheme that God will continue to play out and show me throughout my life. And as I find myself finally begining to understand my propensity to praise gains stronger with every moment and I am consumed.

Lord You have only begun. You have granted us Your desire above all else. And You alone are fulfilling it Lord, We praise you Jesus.

JG

the morning...

When flames dance and beauty sings
When the heavens open and this heart sings
When in perfect dance and perfect note
When golden reflections start to billow

And these ashes in the middle of the night
They stir like whispering feathers

And candles lit in the dead of night
That would burn to a passion uncontained
With fragrance of incense in the air

A journey on beaches that once were black
Now glowing in the morning break
The night has become the dawn

Under starry skies
A new song has begun to be sung

The morning…
JG

4...2...90

This silence, this ever present shadow
These reflections and this upsetting balance
It creeps into my soul,

Dare I tare myself apart, by not
Dare I be reckless
Dare I throw caution to the wind

This haunting darkness, and this new man
These frightening dreams, and creppy things
It wars against my soul

Dare I be a radical
Dare I transform
Dare I be different

This knowledge that I hold,
And that knowledge I’m to gain
Must it come about this way

Dare I be, what you are calling me to be?
Dare I do and dare I be
the man God has begun to change within me…

Divine Inspiration from unlikely sources

It seems God has a way of revealing the most divine and God given inspiration from the most rediculous things. This weekend God gave me some inspiration from the ducks at Hume Lake. Here's what God taught me through the ducks.

I wrote this in my journal this weekend

" It seems there are times, when you just get it. We finally understand what God has been trying to teach us. Tonight I find myself in that place , It finally makes sense. To think my perspective of Your desire could be so off!"

The thing I understood tonight that I haven't been getting is that I am not supposed to understand, I am not supposed to place plans for God to do.I am not supposed to magically figure it out through my intellect or blogging. He said specifically this weekend "why are you here(1 Kings 19), why are you on your knees asking Me questions, just simply delight John. Forget about understanding fall in love with Me once again, "simply shutup and listen to my whisper".

This was my prayer:

Would you help us comprehend what it means to worship You
‘cause we're blinded by our circumstance
Heal our eyes today

May we know Your love; feel it course through our veins
Encircling our hearts and embracing our souls
We need Your love and grace to remain, to rearrange our hearts
And change the way we praise

And it is finally clicking within me that perhaps this old way of everything is not the new. God is calling me to trust Him and let Him show Himself as Himself and dream the dreams so impossible that they are doomed to failure if God is not in them. That way is the new way, the most beautiful!



Now here is where the ducks come in. Elise and I went on a two three hour hike around Hume Lake and there was this one duck that made me smile something that I was having trouble doing this weekend because of this chaotic mess of thought in my brain. This duck came close to me closer than I had ever been to a duck. This duck was there simply because he had something to do. He wanted to bite himself to get some feathers out in a sense pulling out the undercoat. And in so doing this it made him be in a place and do things he never would do unless he had purpose for being there. I found myself relating to this duck in a lot of ways. I have been trying to rip out this new thing that God is giving me like the duck's undercoat. But the thing is this duck as well as I need this new coat for the winter that is coming, it may be sunny and granted it was glorious this weekend but the night will be frigid.The night is cold and is a forshadowing of the winter that is coming, I am going to need this undercoat to survive.



Don't prevent what God is doing inside of you. Don't go back to the old.In a sense don't rip out the new undercoat that is developing inside of you. There is something I learned this weekend "going means not staying." Don't stay the same! Let God do what He does best...change.

JG

grant us Your desire

Oh the great multitude of confession
that weighs against my soul
in the evening of my momentary weaknesses
in my lack of strength, that peirces in this cold

and to find myself once again entagled in your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you

Oh the great necessity for repentance
that yearns within my soul
in my words exhorting the Spirit
in this moment giving glory to the King

and to find once again I am entagled in Your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you
and to find myself once again in full assurance
knowing you are surely faithful to do and be true

oh that You might grant us Your desire
that You alone have made

oh grant us grace to pursue Your face
grant us the grace to see and do
oh that we might desire Your heart
grant us Your desire...

JG

How long?

How long will it be til you see
How long will it be
til you join in the song
The melody of true life

Til every romance?
Til every tear of joy?
Til every display?
and every affection?
and every move?

Tis a realization
Tis a heart full of love
Would you join in the song
The melody of true life

Would he call to you
realizing the extent
Would he shout out
declaring his love

cry to Him
may it never be forced
sing to Him
worthy, worthy

I wait for the extent
I wait for fullness
I wait upon you
I wait upon you

JG

When Silence Falls

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
And I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

Oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
So trustworthy

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, and I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You (I will sing to You)
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

How faithful and true
Sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You’re my spring of living water
You’re my spring of living water

In the lone hour You are there

Be faithful and true,
Like a spring it never fails,
You're my spring it never fails

God brought me to this song a few days ago. It's funny how God seems to delicatley, intricatly, and beautifully tie everything together into one beautiful tapestry. I sang this particular song the night I decided to switch my purity ring to the right hand. And I find myself with this song being played over an over in my head two months later.

For you who don't know for a long time I believed God had laid out for my life singleness because I believed God to not be the very God He was is and will be forever: a God of healing. Yet Little did I know that God could do everything and more. Here I sit writing a few years down the road from the choice for singleness, two months from the second path I chose: God had transformed me completely from who I was and has given to me someone incredibly beautiful inside and out.

I remember that night I sang this song pretty vividly. Two months from that decision I find myself with the realization of the implications of the new path: this road is not going to be an easy one. Yet I find God acting in nothing less than who He is and I am forever praising Him because He is who He is.

And tonight as I find myself in this place when the silence of this season has truly fallen in every since of the lyrical beauty of that line I find myself in such a different place than I have ever been, a better yet different place.I find myself despite these tears that are falling praising my King because He is so worthy. He is so faithful.

I have so many thoughts swirling and spinning in my head right now, I can't contain them and I can hardly begin to organize them. Yet I know as He continues to sort out this new path that the path will begin to clear of all the chaos and clutter. I know I must be dilegant to let my God who finally sorted out my past path let the new one shine out the clearer. It may be different than any of my glass perseptions of my life. It may be scarier. It may be foreign but I am for the new path, and it's new radical implications.

JG

Some Honest Thoughts

I told Elise a couple days ago I think for the first time I feel overwhelmed. I have no medium to get out these anxious and troubled thoughts. Every move I make I question because there seems to be no more guidance in my life. Which brings me to the troubling thought I stumbled across today: it seems that when we seem to strike a healthy balance another thing comes along that tilts the very balance we just maintained.

I think in a lot of ways I forget a lot of the things God has taught me about faith, love and life.Yet why, I have a friend in heaven who has performed miracles in my own life that I have tangibly seen them, yet somehow I do not believe fully. I have a guide who has sheparded me through many times of dessert and down-trodedness, yet I don't trust. I have a God who is bigger than myself, yet I can only still fit him into my box of perceptions. I have a God who has loved me first, yet I do not love Him in a simple form.

I have been wondering why I can only approach God in tears as of late? It became apparent today in worship, I have forgotten my first love.I have become so consumed with doing things my way that I forgot the necessity and need to surrender.I have been so busy with entertaining people that I forget that you can only entertain so much.I have quested to find answers yet forgot the necessity to no longer question those things that have no necessity of being questioned. I have forgotten. I have simply forgotten.

And now a week late coming back to this blog attempting to finish it up I find myself, suprisingly in the same place. I am constantly battleing these tears when I approach God. I feel so overwhelmed yet amazingly at peace and I don't really know if I can explain it all because my thoughts are a thousand swirling puzzles that are entirely new.

I have entered in a sense a new part of my faith, a new part of my Christian walk and a new part of who I am that I don't think I am ready at all to enter into, yet, God trusts me to enter into this new season. And I feel almost as if I am entering the darkest nights of my soul and I know but I do not trust.

Awaiting

"awaiting eagerly the revalation of our Lord Jesus Christ"
-1 cor 1:7b

I think in a lot of ways things have shifted. That is probably an understatement. Actually I know that is an understatement but it is one of those things that if I were to realize the full extent of how many things actually shifted, I doubt I could handle it all. That is in part why I can't see and have no divine direction for this season. But I think the internal perspective I am gaining is one that I wouldn't trade for anything else. I'm begining to think this perspective I am gaining is the treasure of darkness God promised to me during this season.

It is terribly facinating what my worship is looking like more and more when I come to God needing him so much more than I ever have in a season where I shouldn't be needing him more but I can't help but lean, actually needing him. Tonight I found myself unable to contain my tears because of the whole fact that God desires so desperatley for us to be unified. I see myself as I find myself each day desperatley needing Him, so desperatley. The thing is I can't help cry knowing that God is so good to the undeserving, to me.

I think I feel for the first time in my life like I have nothing to offer anybody except the very good news. Which is as it should be. I found myself tonight asking so many questions about me awaiting the fruition of this internal perspective, what does it all entail? Only the next...will show that.

But although this may be shifted and completley foreign, all of it, I am found in my Savior's arms and that is where I love to be.

I can't help notice though that in a sense with as little perspective as I do have the campus seems to be in an almost anticipation an awaiting to be more accurate, and I can't put my finger on it exacltey but look at your surroundings and tell me you don't see something stirring. This campus is awaiting the secrets and treasures of darkness. I think it is this perspective of simplicity, foundationality, and humbleness that leads to unity.

The most interesting thing is that the picture of Jesus sweating blood as He prayed for us, that image is burned into my mind and the thing is...it is one of the most powerful images I have had in a while. His very blood spilt that we might have a chance to be unified that is so amazing. That was a powerful prayer prayed in Gethsemini .

Understanding through Wine and Cigars

God has been radically transforming my heart over the past few weeks especially last night and I am captivated at this new understanding that I am gaining on some of my long held questions in life. I have always wondered what was the point to wants and desires and what all of us should base our decision making process upon. I think I finally understand it.

For those of you who don't know these past four months I have been prophetically blind as to what God is doing. It has been one of the most intense, crazy, hardest and most difficult seasons I have lived. Yet in it I have learned to trust. Learned to rest secure in my salvation and God's greater plan. I have learned to embrace the fact that we are a body not one man. I have learned to love not lecture. Most important I have learned to rest on the knowledge and understanding God has given and use that alone as the basis of my current decision making process in this season however long it may last.

I think for me all I have learned this season goes back to understanding what true love is. It goes back to focusing on the horizontle plane rather than the verticle for a time. Jesus obviously really didn't mess around in the second half of John 2 He threw over money tables and had a side to him that was frustrated with peoples defiling of His house. In all His infitude and wisdom though as the first part of John 2 talks about He didn't give everything that was absolutley necessary like the wine with His first miracle in Cana. And I look at my way to approaching ministry and I realize that foremost love is patient as 1 corinthians 13 talks about.Love is,yah, not giving people what they want all the time, yet at the same time sometimes it is doing and giving those things you never thought you should give. We should live with smiles on our face, yah, consider the consequences but rest secure that God has you under His wing and will protect you as Isaish talks about. As I corinthians 8 talks about as well in verse 10-12 we are called not to live a ministry of absolute necesssity because it can cause our brothers in Christ to stumble. We are to be not of the culture but always realize that some ways the only way to reach a place is by a necessity of fulfilling desires that arn't necesarrily really necessary.

After I got back from the freshman welcome dinner last night I went out with one of my roomates to a cigar smoking party. As I was sitting there with everyone smoking around the bonfire but me and a few others and how they really didn't have anything to say until they were "buzzed" as they called it. I realized something I never realized before that some men because of circumstance and the way they are need a totally radically different way to get deeper with one another than simply let's get in a circle and talk about our problems. We as christians brothers to them need to be patient and not tear their heart apart. I have used this technique for honestly all my life in getting deeper with men around me but the thing is it can't be this season's response...

I have realized over the past couple days a strong desire within me is just a desire to have some other guy partnering with me in ministry not necessarily someone who I can talk to about anything but rather someone to serve with. I had the oppurtunity to lead with several wonderful men of God over the course of highschool and the bond that is there I know that is what I miss. In my quest to attain oneness with Christ I ended up forgetting the fact I will have all the time with Him in eternity. This life is a season in which we are to focus not only on the vertictle with God but we must focus on the the horinzontle with the people that are here. We don't need a radical new ministry, we need a transformation from the inside out. Realize though when the Spirit is prompting to bless you with sharing in the response of someone else. Never take it into your own hands, though. Never. It robs God the glory He is most certainly due!

JG

Carried to the Table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

-Carried to the table
Leeland
Sounds and Melodies

Lessons from Reflection upon wine

With the Lord's help I will hopefully be able to get at least the begining of this written tonight...I have been interuppeted in writing this twice now so it is my hope the third attempt will be the charm as they say...
As I continue to write this almost a week later and the periodic edits I am currently sitting at my desk...a new desk,a new place where so many wonderful things will be written over the course of this upcoming and currently continuing year. I am honestly hardly containing my joy at the fact that I have the privledge to be a scribe in a sense to what God is doing here, it is with great joy I pen every word that is here...it with great joy that I recount in the next year what God is going to do!


It seems that God has taught me so much these past few weeks. I feel honestly like I have a list that is a mile long that I could write. Like always, however, I will let the Spirit dictate these hands and let Him move the words through me. It is far shorter and far better that way.

I have been thinking, pondering a lot about the fact of why Christians feel oftentimes powerless to do anything when given a foreign situation. We have a life transforming message but how often do we fully know the extent of the message that we preach. It is much like my childhood... I grew so much because the spirit guided me. Yet little did I know what foundation was being built by the spirits guidance and my actions. We are so unaware of what God's full plan is because I don't think we can wrap our mind around the whole fact that God is so incredible and moving in so many wonderful ways that don't seem like the rituals we seek to cling to, we can't adapt quick enough to this new higher calling. But why? What happened to the days of old when the spirit would leap forth from a place and countless things would be done and changed because of it? I ask myself the question why is something not being done and we as Christians with a radically powerful message are so crippled and powerless.

I think it has every part to do as I heard it said tonight that we are not one. I remember the picture of Christ sweating blood because he was so troubled and praying so atimately for us christians to be one. I have seen over these past weeks fellowship so sweet here but it isn't everywhere here and that troubles me there are still pockets of community not aq big blob of ommunity. We are the body, we are meant to experience fellowship so sweet. We need to as Bush says leave no child behind. Leave no child of the most high alone to fend for himself or herself in a world of ravenous lions. We need to raise them up!

I wonder so often all these questions about initative and should we wait on the Spirit's prompting. Should we trust ourselves when the Spirit is not guiding? Is there really one way to spiritual growth much like the way to heaven? I have so many questions in my mind and it all boils down to the very choices we make. What should determine our choices?

The spirit brought me to John 2 over the past couple days. Reading it over and over again I come to several conclusions about such matters as listed above. I was struck by the whole fact that Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine. Much like Moses' first miracle in Egypt, turning water into blood. I think we can draw a comparision in the fact that in communion remembering Christ and the sacrifice made we must remember that it was all to point out that His death was not a necessity but a gift. Much like the fine wine being given after the poorer wine was given. We see also that Jewish entitlement had a necessity for the blood!

The second thing I pulled out is when Jesus rebukes his mother asking her the question "woman what does this have to do with us? My time has not come" My discerning spirit atomatically picks up a kind of harsh tone. But I think if you look at it ,yeah, it is a rebuke but I think it is different than a lot of the rest of Jesus' questions and teaching in the fact it was made to make her think of something else entirely. The question phrased in this way truly states" my time has not come, why do you push me, God, to give you anything that I haven't given you?" As is shown though he chooses to bless those things which were good and those who submited. Mary was submissive and submited herself to the words Jesus said instead of her own plans.

I think in a lot of ways the only way to seek initative clearly is to submit and let God dictate the show. I've heard it said several times the best thing you can do to a church is fire a bullet into a ministry. I think in a lot of ways the world doesn't need another campus group, it doesn't need anything other than God dictating the show and we being sumissive and one. Jesus was sweating blood the very same blood that saved us when he prayed that we would be one. We should regard His blood highly and that he would shed His very life that we might have an ability to be one...that is something.

JG

Shattering the Glass Perception

To think of expectations
now shattered by my observations
airplanes of old raised to blue heavens
soaring above the green havens

To think of lack of expectations
now shattering these glass perceptions

oh what beauty to know
what was old is now new
This new calm
unknown to the fall

And as I soar, am raised renewed
I am sprinkled by this ever wonderful dew

oh what beauty to know
what was old is now new
This new calm
unknown to the fall

If only I had time to put together a coherent thought

So I want to blog really badly but I am only left with 10minutes of free time this afternoon so perhaps I may be able to blog tonight!...I am really hopeing but let's just say God is AMAZING!!! what He is doing here is amazing. Also what he is doing around me is AMAZING!!! What He is doing in people is AMAZING!!! And I wish so badly to make a coherent thought of text tonight because my God is so AMAZING!!! and I hope you can get a glimpse through the words I write here. So until tonight...!!!

JG

Peaceful Lullabies

These times when paper seems to be so rare
and I need to write these words to you
where oceans break and sunsets still
when I find myself on this road inbetween

With peacefull lullabies, and traveling hope
when Your ways seems so truly wonderful

You are surrounding
You are this stillness
How could this happen to me
I am so undeserving

I look back on the faithfullness of the past
I am simply staggered
I look forward to this faithfullness continuing
I am simply amazed

With peacefull lullabies, and traveling hope
when Your ways seems so truly wonderful

with a heart of peace
with a heart of wonder
I love You, I love Your ways
in this beautiful stillness

It's been an interesting week almost in a sense being thrown into an apparently similar situation going back to school etc. but so radically different than last year. The thing is things here are so wonderfully foreign to me that I can't seem to make any sense of it. But I know that is what exactly and how it is supposed to play out...because there are lessons to be learned in faith and trusting in God's faithfullness. By all accounts looking back on my life and God's incredible faithfullness I shouldn't even doubt he will be faithful and sovereign in the future. Yet somehow I do sometimes and that has led me to honestly question how deep my faith really does run. I know I have grown so much in that this summer and even as 1 thessalonians talks about that I would pursue on to sanctification even more, and I have seen God's faithfulness in doing that so much. I know though that my faith is not flawless, but I will pursue it til in my belief and my faith in Jesus I believe Him to be the very God He exclaims Himself to be.

I know in so many ways I am begining to see the rippling effect of this revival that is currently happening and it is a beautiful ripple. For instance yesterday while I went down to Magic Mountain and I happened to be in line for the Goliath( sweet roler coaster) there was this group of like 13 people just singing to our True Maker at the top of their lungs and it was beautiful. I have seen so much that what Christians have in the fellowship department is so sweet and it is not to be even compared to anything else because it is that different when it is true.

I got the oppurtunity I think it was wednesday night to meet the summer project that went down to Santa Monica and the fellowship and them just wanting to sing worship songs enjoying the company of God in each other's presence that was so sweet. I got the chance to lead them in a couple of worship songs and I wonder why so much blessing has come to me with my talents and abilities and i know God just wants to bless us so much if only we let Him and know as the little saying says JESUS LOVES YOU, think about that a perfect God love YOU that is something to sing about.

Anyways the rooomates are up and about and I need to get some food in me, so until I find a divine appointment with my keyboard you are all in my prayers and I love all of you so incredibly much. This place is blessed and I love it.

JG

Week one!

Campus Crusade has about 2,000 contact cards from the WOW week SLO bound downtown event. I, along with all the other T1 Bible study leaders are going to follow up on the freshmen in the dorms who showed interest (roughly half of the cards, so about 1,000). There is a lot of fruit to be taken by storm from this place. Cal Poly is tremendously blessed, as a tree abundantly producing fruit and as it falls on the ground, the seed takes root and new trees are born. We have Christian clubs and events and community, and all the resources that most college Christian communities could only dream of having. My prayer is that we will not just win the freshmen, or even stop with building them into men and women of God, but that we we will send them out to the corners of the earth both domestically and abroad, workplace, and home with a passion to disciple others and send them out as we did them. I pray God that we will fulfill the great commision and not just be a Christian comfort zone for four years. We have all the opportunities in the world, without much, if any persecution. Thank you God for all of the men and women that have gone before me and prayed the way for all of this to be possible! I pray let us never ever take for granted all the blessings that you have given to us. Prepare our hearts, Lord and use me and all the other leaders. Develop us into the leaders you desire, that we may train, encourage, and disciple others that they may do the same as they walk in our footsteps, and we in the footsteps of the ones that stepped up to the plate before us. God, I want my years here to continue throughout eternity through the way I am able to impact my freshmen guys. I pray use us, though we are not perfect, because that is what you love to do, God!
-Colin

Being Back

Undoubtably it is nice to be back but it is not the same in any likness and that is a shame but of definate necessity. It seems strange because in a sense I almost feel depressed being back, I can't exactley put a finger on it. Who knows maybe its spiritual warfare, maybe the change, maybe realizations about just how truly awesome the first year was. Like I said before I don't know I can't put my finger on what it is.

Things are good though I really like the people I am living with but I need to take the first steps in getting things in order for the line of accountability and other things etc. that need to be set up in a sense. God gracously gave me all those things last year but this year I am actually having to take initative in things and it is rough because it is so incredibly different.

Untitled

It is seldom that I would refuse to name something because I believe it is nice to know what one is looking at in generality...but today I will leave this blog title as Untitled because I believe there to be no structure to what exactley God is doing here. Consequently because of that my writing here will likewise have no structure but I know it all is going to work out for His glory but I can put no thread of commonality between the two. And quite frankly that is really awesome! Thank God that He doesn't work in the common ways that there is creativity in His ways! That in every step that we are able to take through Him we can move in uncertain ways new ways!

The last couple days have def been interesting, def unstructured. I ended up pulling an "all nighter" with the middle schoolers the fri-Sat before I was to fly out on Sunday. A forth of them ended up accepting Christ, about 15 total which was awesome but I do wonder why there seems to be victory over Satan whenever and wherever I go, because after this summer i do not view myself as highly as I once did, I consider myself nothing compared to my Jesus and His spirit within me.

Another interesting thing that happened is I feel so unprepared for this upcoming year because I have no idea what it is going to look like...in a sense I am only dependant on Christ which is a totally honestly new thin, the place I should be always but I feel so weak. I am gaining so much understanding in all this silence and season but how my flesh would trade it for a season of emotional consistency and strength in my own right.

It's interesting now being back at school because in a sense it is so radically different than what I knew last year but I think it is awesome because I need not establish any commonality if I am to truly pursue Jesus Christ. Honestly I feel part of me wanting to simply be babied but as it talks about in the bible I need meat not milk.I know I have entered a new era of my christianity and I need fear nothing beside my Father or get discouraged in anything but this season it is a killer I don't know what is going on I have consistent headaches I feel almost as if something is missing and granted school hasn't started yet and I don't have anything to keep my mind off of things but I am so sick of this season .

My worst fear is the fact that maybe it won't be the same which obviously it is not going to be the same. Things are rekindled but they are themselves a different fire and keep dilgence and more effort to do things. I am so sick of this season once again. Rory comes home today which will be good, I do wonder if the whole kinda funk I am in is because I am not surrounded by non[-christians because I know I have a mission field and that is the whole field I am called to. Perhaps God is clarifying that within me or perhaps he is simply pointed out the necessity for that calling in my life in particular.

Evan and Matt are great and I know they have necessary things to do but I wish they would just come and talk . That is what I will be praying to is that they would simply just come out and talk to me . Because I feel lonely I have always had the ability to ask really good deep questions but I don't think beyond that i have any special abilities with relationships it all seems to flow from who I am and the suckyness I have in relationships.

Or perhaps maybe this is all to draw me to Elise which I am fine with but I know you are not calling me to neglect the guys here in this apartment. It is very difficult to determine your calling in my life and I am quite useless it would seem. I just feel so powerless placed in situations I put myself in but not knowing what exactley it is all about and why you directed me into this place. I am called to delight. Mr. Nee wants me to be still but not anylyze what is going on. I think in gaining this new ground I neglected some of the older. I hate how this is always a balanceing act between the new and the old. Keeping the old but never forgetting the present and rooting outselves in the future. It is so difficult to manage.

I seem to just be ranting maybe because of all of it but I just want to say that I am just so incredibly tired of it all.

I wonder though what exactley this new era will look like but I know it will be good...and that is good but it is very unsettling everything being foreign.

JG

Gentile and Jewish Entitlement

I've been meditating on a question for the past couple days "Do we as gentiles have the same entitlement of blessing just as we have an entitlement for Salvation as was given to the Jews?" Now I know what you are saying of course we are entitles to the same stuff. But I believe it to be more murcky than that. Before you get all pissed at me for maybe dwelving into murcky territory and asking questions that need to be asked I am going to simply put scripture forward and my thoughts and try and string it together. I will let you decide for yourself these are merely my observances and what I see pointed out in scripture...

"If you will return, O Israel, return to me", declares the Lord"If you put your detestible idols out of my sight and no longer go astray and if in a truthful just and righteous way you swear" As surely as the Lord lives, then the nations will be blessed by Him and Him they will (give) glory (to)"
-Jeremiah 4:1-2

You can see as Jeremiah points out that if Israel returns to the Lord at any point in history putting and laying aside sin then that the entire world will give glory to Him because of it. I do wonder though if Him points and means directly Jesus(rehtorical ?) If they turn will they themselves see Glory and see Jesus? I think that is the beautiful part about it all that if we don't sin then we see Jesus all the clearer! It's strange that if the Jews turn that everyone else sees. It's very strange. Indirect missions...

God proclaims in Jeremiah 11 "cursed is the man who does not obey the terms of this covenant -the terms I commanded your forefathers when I brought them out of Egypt out of the iron smelting furnace. I said obey me and do everything I command you, and you will be my people and I will be your God. Then I will fulfill the oath I swore to your forefathers to give them a land flowing with milk and honey-the land you pocess today"

It kinda sucks for the jews that because of the covenant made 5000 years or so ago that they are cursed when they do not obey because that was their responsibility. I wonder though if living indirectly under their covenant still today if we are curse when we choose to not act in accordance with obedience. I see that all the time that God will bring us back in order that we might have purpose and be used to tell at least someone about the good news found in Jesus!

It's sad to see that almost 5,000 or so years after the covenant with Israel that that region does not know Jesus, it would seems the Jews failed. I think it was because they didn't have the holy Spirit. That is probably why in round two with the gentiles he sent the Holy Spirit because he knew without it we couldn't do it.

One question remains though "Should we as gentiles bring this idea up once again of blessing flowing in indirect missions? "

Side track...but I know this will be valuable. Elise and I have had a lot of discussion about what exactly is the best mission work and mission approach. Normally we say it inderectly and don't even realize it but the answer always ends up being prayer and a heart fixed on God. God will fulfill his promise in blessing those who bless Him but I know three fold that we must follow certain things in order to stay the path of obedience. We need not grieve the Spirit by being a people of prayer. a people firmly rooted in the word that we may recognize when the Spirit speaks.And lastly ee must fulfill the great commision by being true flames. We need to be flames of discipleship. We need to be pouring those two things into other peoples. We must pour prayer and the word into other people. It is of a necessity that we do not even comprehend!

We must always also remember that God is not done with the Jews but until they turn to Him, Jesus our savior as well, we as christians need to obey and be blessed that the world may bring Glory to Him!

JG

Lessons from Reflection upon the Jewish Intent

Like I was saying last night things have shifted over this summer. To what extent I have no idea, the only hint I have to the extent is the shocked expression I have when I look at who I am. I can't help wondering with things so different what intent God has for this new season I am entering into. My only hint comes from somethin I have learned in studying through the old testement.

Many people wonder why...in particular with the jewish people...why exactly God chose them and I think oftentimes we don't see what exactley they were put here for and why God chose them. It my strong held belief that the Jewish people were to always point to Jesus...their coming messiah! They were to be so radically different in their obedience and from the outside culture that God would be able to bless them so incredibly much that all the generations would know that their messiah was the way to salvation, that their God was the true God.

Instead of turning to blessing though they turned to the voice of another. They did not continually pour themselves into the word of the prophets. There are so many lessons we can learn. One in particular though that fits with the lake analogy of last night (that I now have a lake to draw from instead of a small pond) I believe God is calling and saying that "I want to bless you so incredibly much that the world will see your blessing and it will point to Me. That tis what I believe God is doing in San Luis Obispo. I wonder in particular why we are not mentioned in the revival prophecies that have come from those down in LA. But I am so selfish to believe that God is so good he wants to do even greater things through us even greater than reival.

I am not a hundred percent sure but I will do my best to make sure that when revival does hit as it has had its begining last year..it will never die with the people in SLO. I count on God's spirit going foreward aheadand doing as habbukuk talks about doing something that I could not even comprehend percieve or inagine.

JG

The Summer Season

This is the first time I am really sitting down stopping all I have to do and reflecting upon what exactley God has done with me this summer. It's interesting because in not stoppin since really spring break, march of this year, I am going to have to sift through an entires years worth of God's teaching in my life, and I know it is a very difficult task ahead of me because God has sifted and shaped my heart so much. I know where my heart was at this time last year and I look at my heart today and wonder what man stands before me? For if you were to see the old man I was you surely would not believe I am that same man!

I guess I will begin with the silence and perhaps only focus on that because the picture above is so fitting to what I believe the whole key to this summer was. In giving this summer one word it would fall somewhere between radically different, desert, and utter silence. And I am very careful not to define it as one word because one is not fitting at all because it has not been complete silence but rather a time of a different way of God speaking and it hasn't been a dessert because I have had diligence and been learning so much but it is dessertesqe if you will and I feel very strange in the fact that I cannot define the word.

I think the above picture is so fitting because it's not so much that I don't have any water in this dessertesqe season, maybe that's just the thing? I have an entire lake that has been given to me but I need to begin to use the lake... begin to cultivate the hard soil and let things begin to grow. But I think I look so often to the old ways, the fact that I could get my replenishment from the little lakes not this unending bigger source. And the thing is I don't know when things shifted really? All I know is that things are somehow now incredibly differetnt. I have different responsibilities because of the choices i have made for Christ. And I think that's just the thing I feel so incredibly overwhelmed because all of it is new, it is good but it is new.

Well I think that is all I will write for the evening. I will repost this tommorow with tommorows thoughts but as for now I am going to sleep.
JG

Something Unexpected

It is interesting to think of the directions that God takes us in in our lives...to think of all the unexpected u turns regular turns underpasses overpasses tunnels and everything else that He has in line for our often times not very straight directionally lives. Often times it reminds me of a quest where you have to go get something in a far off land to fix something in your own land. It is not until you have the knowledge or something you gain in that different land that you can set things right once again.

This summer has not been a straight road in any fashion andI have never known what quite to expect in it. But it has been a blessing in disguise, and a time of gaining knowledge that I need to go back to a distant land and set things once again right.

This friday in particular God took me on an unexpected turn, I thought I knew precisely what direction God was going to be directing things in...but as is the case in these summer months I have no idea being prophetically and conversaitonally blind what turn is coming up next. All I know is that I must gain something somewhere else to gain where I thought God was going. In particular God gave me friday night a very interesting direction for next year a means if you will but an end also. I will not mention it in its fullness here because I have yet to take time and pray about the matter but it involves the blessed fellowship of the saints and something even greater than revival. Think of it a people of God planted on the central coast whose hearts would never ever die in passion for Jesus and His word, His communion,His spirit, and His delight! A people who went out to all nations and preached in every single corner of the globe. Millions laying facedown running and dedicating their lives to Jesus. All starting with the personal life that we have with Jesus, everything good that will flow out of that! I think that is something to talk about.

I think to some degree retartadly I am still putting God in a box but as I have been reading about Jewish culture and how radically different Jesus is I don't think we can ever ever ever fully grasp even a glimpse of who our Creator is! Take for instance Jesus, studying jewish culture through the dead sea scrolls something radical comes out of Jesus Christ. He was the author of the parable! Before that there were no metaphors used in the average conversation or teaching but Jesus took it mainstream! He took something ordinary and made it extraordinary! We should never limit God because his ends are not even close to the ends to our means!He reflects himself in everything but it doesn't even come close!

As I take time to reflect over the next week spending time in "the fort" I will try and let the spirit clarify this direcion and these ends but I doubt mere words could contain my God's acts. He is the incromprable God after all!

May all of you who read this be blessed and I look forward to seeing all your beautiful faces very soon!

JG

To You (unexpected)

Oh the love and delight
of the Three in One, Divine Heavenly Light
of the friendship and deep communion they bring
those Three of whom I fear, love and sing

In unity I gave it all to You
Fear of God that drew me into You
blessed Spirit, that moves this heart to sing to You
I give it all to to You

To You,to You...to You

Jesus who came to earth to die
He gave it all to You,
And it was the fear of God that drew Him
blessed Spirit that moved His heart to sing
He gave it all for You

And oh the love and delight
one in three, heavenly light
and oh the friendship and deep communion that He brings
those three of whom I fear, love and will forever sing

To You, to You...to You

JG

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
of plans uncharted and plans of fall
to know the unknowable
to find a once untrue now true fable

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
oh to see it come in the fall

Oh to see what tapesty was weaved
in summer days, then missed, not percieved
to know hearts that were sifted
seeking God with dilegence, hearts now shifted

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
oh to see it come in the fall

And we praise this God who has weaved it all
He who knit and paved the way for the fall
so intricate so fine, an unmistakable line
oh to see and know it all, what a beautiful time!

JG

On my right hand

There was a while, about a year and a half that I wore my purity ring on my left hand. This was a sign to God of my single devotion to His work through my life and my unwavering toward anything involving relationships. Things have changed though! Wednesday night I switched my ring from my left to my right hand, signifying that I am choosing God's plan not my own of singleness and sole unwavering devotion to God.
I know to most of you this would come as no hard choice by any means and it is the same now with me, but over the course of this year and especially over the course of this summer God has changed my heart. He has changed my direction and is designing a plan that I couldn't even imagine!
As I got the chance to talk to Elise last night, having some much needed time alone in conversation I knew that this choice to pursue God with the ring on my right hand, this is the right choice! How could God design something undesignable and execute with such beauty! I am amazed!
I do not know what plans God has I have a few general ideas but like all things God blows me away! He is so truly awesome!
JG

A commonly coined phrase

So I would have to say that my thoughts as of late have been scattered, much like diffused light. So I will say this evening as I write that you shouldn't expect anything from these scattered thoughts these are for me. But I will post them because God has a way of working and speaking through the chaos and that is awesome but it boggles my mind everytime. So if the words I am about to write make any sense thank the spirit not I!
This summer has been a blessing, but very difficult. With the prospect that I only have 8 more days of work, Elise has returned home and I am experiencing the blessing that was given to me in SLO,and my sister and all my fellowship here is gone and off to college prettymuch I find myself very lonely. I find myself longing for the future in so many ways! I find myself lately being incredibly lazy in a funk and rather honestly tired. But as always I should rejoice, taking time to honestly sit back and enjoy it, in the present. Infact I was thinking on the way home in this reworked heart that I find within asking "why wouldn't I rejoice in the present?" I came up with some strange theological concept about us only being half flesh and half spirit. Thinking about the whole fact that knowing what God has planned somewhat for me, I should rejoice in the fact that this is going to be the easy part! I should be taking the time to rejoice in the easy. I know that doesn't explain the theological concept at all but understand I am just trying to gain perspective not sit here and come up with concepts that may or not be true. The bible is the only thing honestly we should take a lot of deep thought and time to understand!

Like most nights I am sitting here, alone with the silence of my thoughts, a pretty scary thing! The thing is though that this week has been different because my parents have been out, I have been watching my neighbors dogs and house and honestly been able to just do whatever I want to, and I see the first light of the core that has been developed in me shining through and it is cool. But I understand that I have so much more covering to rip off that wonderful light!

Over the past week I have gotten the oppurtunity to blare music, sit in silence, dance uncontrolably, record on the grand, and honestly be free in Jesus Christ, I feel so often times although I live in a christian world to a sense here in CO I am chained! That is precisely why I go to the Springs every Fri, so I can be crazy, jump up and down and show how I really feel about this guy named Jesus! It is pretty awesome!

Also in regards to scripture, my biblical scholar side is coming out once again, I'm glad I've been missing him! I have been dwelving into the hebrew language in all of its subtlties! It is also reallly awesome. Reasearching books that weren't included in the canon, reading through the dead sea scrolls commentaries from the 1st century AD on Isaiah and on the creation. Fascinating works! I still regard the bible as number 1 but because of my world view I don't believe the knowledge of Jesus Christ is limited to just those books that were included in the common era bible !

On one other note I think I am going to try and get some of my character back into my writing by asking a rediculouus question or by adding some really lame quote at the end of this blog every time I post!

2QOTD
"The VP, he look like Ralph, he good looking man, even better than Ralph!"
-Polo sales associate talking about the vice president of Polo Ralph Lauren that visited today...

"You know John it's not Jesus Christ who is the most commonly understood thing in the world, not the bible...it's Coca Cola"
-My friend jonathan


JG

New things

So this is what is up with the post below this one...I am getting really into mixed media things and I found this site that hosts free video blogging so the bottom one was just a test. But get ready cause here comes powerful words, moving music, and cool images!
JG

Popcorn

Click to Play

bored late at night in Sequoia!

the Attributes... Radiance

There was a man who smiled like the sunrise
His face I can’t forget
His love displayed was unlike any other
He humbly dressed just like a vagabond with
Discourse like a King
And when he talked the angels stopped to listen

Hosanna
Filio David
Hosanna
In Altisimis

(Hosanna, Son of David, Hosanna in the Highest)

He often spoke about a Kingdom coming
His words I can’t forget
Where all who come may rest beneath His mercy
Where royalty is flowing through the veins of
Every citizen
And every soul is treasured like a promise

Hosanna
Filio David
Hosanna
In Altisimis
-Jason Morant

Much like this a song I want these words to be read slowly and the reader to be at peace! Taking in each word, and giving time inbetween for them to flow one by one into unceasing praise, and glory be given to the Father, Son, and Spirit! these our my requests for continuance in reading...

I have the chance to be alone tonight, to sit in a quiet house and simply gather my thoughts in a comfy chair, with wonderful music playing in the backround, with a coffee cup by my side and the dogs panting and lounging with the rain pattering outside my window much like every Friday so far this summer.

It is so wonderful to realize tonight that God delights in His people. He delights in me! To simply sit still long enough to delight in HIm to worship Him, WOW! To know fully that history has shown the people who know they are loved become powerful people...and they are used incredibly undeserving all the time.

Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! -rev 19:6b

I sit right now amazed at the continuance and fluidity of all God is doing and the fact that when I sat down last night to talk to Elise I knew God was going to deal with the desires He has placed within me. Being made in the very image of God I find there are same desires placed inside of me as eerily similar as it can get to the very Trinity! He has placed within me, desires, incredible emotions that He has placed in every human.

And to simple take the time to look at the provision He has given! A desire to be loved completely which has been fully satisfied by Him. A desire to give myself to something whole heartedly which He has given me the choice and ability to give my all. A desire to look good which will be fulfilled, "For the wedding of the lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given her to wear.( fine linen which stands for the righteous acts of the saints)Rev 19:7-8 " in glorious radiance! A desire to be greater than all before me, which he has given me the path!"...Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servent , and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many(Matt 20:26-28). Hosanna hallelujah!

I believe after much consideration, I have come to a few questions about our desires... How often do we literally crucify desires when perhaps God just wants to shape our heart through the struggle in the process of getting that desire realigned with the will of Heaven!? How often do we simply let the knowledge of the full satisfaction we know in Christ move through us, letting that very thing change our desires!? We should know that any desire that does not center around the character of God is wrong and doesn't necesarily need to be crucified but rather it should be transformed as only the Holy Spirit can do! We never should take the easy way out! We should always pursue the blessed Trinity's character and let our eyes, fixed on something eternal, move to that very mindset of being focused on the everlasting. We should focus on the treasures of heaven! Letting radient white linen be our robe. Sittting at the very right hand of Jesus should be our goal. Never be too easily satisfied! CS LEWIS said "the problem with Christians is that we are too easily satisfied!" We should never settle for second best! We should never settle for anything less than righteousness that shines with a radiance unseen before!!!We should live with desires fully on fire, more than anyone on the planet and let that transform the world, our passion!!!!!!!

JG

the Attributes... New Foundation

It's interesting now that I honestly have made my peace in the season God has placed me in, my foundation reworked for the most part, God is begining to show me what exactley this new foundation is for. I am begining to see how incredibly key all of this summer has been. It's in order to do things I never thought I would be able to do, relationships I thought I would never be able to get into, or at least handle. I am not going to utter any prophecy tonight because I am still spiritually blind for the most part. I wanted to say though that I am excited!!! Oh the plans God has for those who fully surrender!!! Oh the revival that will come in our hearts when we have faith!

JG

The Attributes... Delight

Surrounded by Your shadow every need I have is met
When I'm waiting in Your presence every fear
Is put to rest
You belong to me and I belong to You
Nothing will ever come my way
That You won't see me through
I delight in the beauty of Your holiness
Because I won't find a love like Yours
In all the earth
In the quiet of Your chambers the love
I feel is made complete
In the mercy You have granted
I will rest for all eternity
You belong to me and I belong to You
Nothing will ever come my way
That You won't see me through
I delight in the beauty of Your holiness
Because I won't find a love like Yours
In all the earth
(Because I won't find a face like Yours
In all the earth)
-Jason Morant

There are many things God has been teaching me this summer, a lot of them simple truths I have forgotten or not known to begin with. Tonight and over the past couple days God has drastically been showing who I am making me disgusted at who I am, at times sick to my stomach because of who I am. However he has been showing what character is found in the spirit inside of me.

Wednesday I got the chance to delight in the spirit ,who God is, focusing on His attribute of infitude" One God, one Majesty. There is no God but Thee. Unbounded, unextended unity" It was pure delight to focus on God, who He is was and will be forever and for the first time not focusing on what He has done for me but on the character of the Divine. That is the way it should be and was meant to be. Worshiping God because God is God.

But the next morning and all throughout the day at work the day after I came under incredible attack, I began to get frustrated with myself and the very character that was inside of me, my flesh sidetracking me from the pure delight I had experienced the night before. Not being able to delight as God does in so many things in what is being done now in the present, my mind refused to focus on the present and jumped to the future. This turned me into a thought life of sin.

I was forgetting, always forgetting, that God delighted in me, and didn't care about the future as much as He cared about the present, simply being with me, sitting in the car besides me, going on the journey with me, always beside me.

I was forgetting the very words God spoke through a wonderful blessing in the begining of this summer "embrace this darkness and desert time fully."

I feel that has happened a lot I have forgotten so many vital things, in college I forgot persistence which is what I need so desperately in this season God has placed me in. I learned and grew deeper in all facets of the christian walk but forgot the dilegence of reading the word every day before I went to bed, praying at my bedside before I went to bed, and having my devotional in the morning. I forgot the things I did in my childhood and as a new christian and didn't realize what really was the source of all the growth as a child, and why I wasn't growing as I once did. The source were these things.

I felt myself crying these words...

"I have forgotten the ways of old
forsaken a land once owned
I have begun embracing the cold
forgotten warmer tones"

I feel i have forgotten so much and lost the simplicity I had in my childhood. And when I found myself in such a pit of despair forgetting much like, infact, probably just like the israelites I found myself an emotional wreck thurday night. I got on my knees and prayed for deliverance from these things. I forgot though. I forgot the things I was supposed to remember.

I was talking to one of my future roomates about it on AIM the whole spiritual warfare that evening and he pointed me to prayer. I am amazed by that mans humility and deep understanding and placement of simplicity above everything in the christian walk. He does not dilly dally with second hand things he always points me and others to the source. Bless him incredibly God.

The one thing I forgot and why sin did overcome me that night was I forgot the other facets. Prayer is only one of a few things we need to make sure are in our lives. We need prayer, we need the Word, we need fellowship, we need common sense. Notice how only one of those things is capatilized. The Word is of highest althority always we should never forget that.

Today, Friday, I found myself awakened in the middle of the night to the ramications of the spiritual warfare in the physical plane. The storm was blowing, and I could hear the battle raging. I finally got back to sleep after my fears were comforted by the King.

As normal I awoke for work and saw the sunrise , this morning though I found the words I had read wednesday night coming to mind.



" God did what He did joyfully. He made the heaven and the earth joyfully. That's why the flowers look up and smile, and the birds sing and the sun shines, and the sky is blue and rivers trickle down to the sea." " The infinite God is enjoying himself. Somebody is having a good time in heaven and earth and sea and sky. SOMEBODY IS PAINTING THE SKY. Somebody is making trees grow where only gashes were a year ago. Somebody is causing the ice to melt out of the river and fish to swim and the birds to sing and lay their blue eggs and build their nests and hatch their young. Somebody's running the show."

I found as I stared at this sunrise at the complete cloud filled sky. And the sun clearer than any other day this summer I found myself singing in my heart these words.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
-Jason Morant

As I found myself tonight down in Colorado Springs I found myself healed with declaring once again the very character of God. Nothing will ever come my way that You won't see me through Lord. I need not fear or be frustrated. The word declares this " The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. " -psalm 33:11 and because of this we sing " In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You"-psalm 33:21-2

Lord I delight once again in the beauty of who You are! May it never leave me.

JG

No more blogs on the weekdays

So it is official I am not able yet to blog during the weekdays anymore because God is not giving me sufficient time to be still and gather my thoughts properly. I wish I could but not so much anymore so until the weekends don't expect anything from me.
Love you all, ttyl.
JG

Sleep Cycle v2

So ever since I got this job of mine that has me up between4-5AM nearly every day my sleep schedule has been a little off. Take for instance today I woke up at like 8AM on my own took a nap at 2-6 awoke again at 12:30 after going to bed at 9PM so pretty much it is now 1:30 AM I am still up and since I have 8 hours of sleep my body is perfectly awake and I will probably be up unless I fall asleep again and of course then I will be up at 5:20. I hate real jobs. God is totally using this time but I am so ready to be back, honestly with me being the only one here and the time drawing nearer each day, every day is a bigger challenge because I know God has infintely more to do in me but it is so easy to just settle. I know God's timing is way better so I will remain without letting my will get in the way and find joy in the area I am in. I think that is probably one of the biggest struggles I have right now focusing enough on the present to be able to simply do nothing. It has always been a hard thing to balance during a time of complete dessert silence. But once again this is only a season and seasons pass and I'm certaintly glad this one is coming to a close eventually. Until then though my prayers are with all of you. Take time to be still in the silence that we never truly want but need so desperatly.
JG

Reflections on the Divine face of God

Bless, O my soul, the living God,
Call home thy thoughts that roam abroad,
That all the powers within me join
In work and worship so divine

Bless, O my soul, the God of Grace,
His favors claim the highest praise.
Why should the wonders He has wrought
Be lost in slience, and Forgot?

Let the whole earth His power confess,
Let the whole earth adore His grace.
the gentiles, with the jews, shall join
In work and worship so divine.

-Issac Watts

God's been working a lot in me this summer, I would say in the analogy of a construction sight tearing down the entire building that once was completed and reworking the foundation. God the job site supervisor is getting ready for a better design. It seems that God has some very foundational things what I would call simple truths. Things that when I built and did my work in building this life the first time I either ignored or missed entirely and they were not included in the design.

One common theme that keeps popping up is this whole waiting thing. God directed my thoughts to two different varients while praying and being still yesterday. One waiting, self sacrificing, that is true love. Two waiting in the sense that we should foremost be worshippers than doers.

I keep coming back to the whole fact that God doesn't need us but He chooses to use us. It says in Luke 19 " that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediatley cry out." Don't you think God can do things on His own if we don't choose to act, God will still be glorified and praised. Why would we ever though, why would we not cry out? I believe He has power to accomplish infintley more than I can ever imagine or dream about. That's something that's worthy of praise and exactley why those rocks will never cry out while I am alive.

On another thought on the whole reflections thing, I was sitting in the car coming back from Fort Collins and God showed me something I never realized. It applies to the whole crying out. While the sun was setting it went through the rain and created a rainbow. Like most things in nature there is three and there is normally a good metaphor in it. God the father the light(sun) was able to wash us(rain) with Jesus and has given us a promise in the spirit(rainbow). I think there is something differnt in it though rather than the trinity. God shines on us and through his spirit the rain(baptism or washing of the holy spirit) will let us reflect the fathers face.in a whole new way.

JG

A different kind of passion and apathy

I was sitting on the ground of the christian book store wondering a simple question "how many of these books are really going to be relevant beyond the next few passing years? " The answer is probably none. Maybe a few but it still remains none of these books that people go to for help and advice are going to be good enough they always leave you wanting more, they need only point toward the holy scriptures and there a man will find his fill and satisfaction. That is nothing really new for me to realize in life but another intersting thought popped into my head while I was sitting there. Jesus didn't care about certain things like money, time, food etc. everything to him was eternal unlike these books.If he was going to do something it would ripple in eternity, it would last. This apathy towards the temporary was one of the driving forces in His life. And I was wondering after this epiphany of sorts perhaps if instead of a balance of apathy and passion, I needed a differentviewpoint on who I am and who He is, in order to draw me closer to Jesus in my character, His holiness shining in me. His apathy was toward anything passing, my apathy has always been toward the eternal, uh, wow that needs some reworking in my life. My passion like my apathetic side has not been focused in the way Jesus focused passion. The only real passion we see in Jesus is a passion for holiness. I am passionate about maintaing my perfect image not the actual issue. Who cares about perception, who we are on the inside is the only thing that really matters in regard to that subject.

The waters that flow

These words that flow from sinful hands
and are read by heaven's purest lamb
humbly give'n, prayerful hands sifting sands

That He would mold and shape a world
to change the heart of one unchangable

from beneath the glorious throne
The waters of healing that flow
the waters that fully atone

He reigns over all, soveriegn God
When troubles surround and rainclouds form
he reign's over all, all knowing God

That He would mold and shape a world
to change the dynamic of the waters that flow


I am constantly amazed by who God is, how He continues to be so incredibly flawless in every aspect and how His qualities continue to be shown more and more infinite! I am sitting down tonight trying to figure out what exactley God is doing within me, because it is so wonderful and so foreign yet to my flesh so disturbing and so depressing that I need to just stay up and prayerfully consider this warfare of the spirit! The change He is initializing because of His grace, I am simple astounded that in my wickedness He is washing me.

Last night for the first time I sat down and really read psalm 119 and in summation I would say that it is an account of David asking for him to be washed completely. But as God has been doing as of lately he is soveriegn and is in continuance of the theme that through scripture we find our only true strength, in order to plead a request unto God for healing of this magnitude we must first seek out God in His word. Not that anything we do even compares to what He does and has done, but we must show God as David did in psalm 119 that we are worthy of the blessings he is going to bestow upon us.

And to be honest this lesson on scripture is driving me into perplexity more each day because God does everything and we are not worthy but we are made worthy through Christ and with Christ comes the loving response to give everything unto him. And this is a touchy issue because it plays on my whole apathetic side where I don't believe there is a responsibility but with my passionate side I am often times calling down fire with my prayers and asking unsafe requests. And as always we have a huge responsibility but we must balance the fact that through Him "we" do all things that truley do matter and I am so touchy on that too becuase I am very careful that I do not appear prideful but maintain humbleness in everything. At the same time though all this balancing is out of alignment because God shifted one of my nobs with this change that has happened and I have to figure out what exactley has changed and it causes me to stay up late"soul searching" I am no longer apathetic, I am no longer passionate, I am Christ being formed! My identity is in scripture and that is the only way I can truly get the proper mix of things, that is what I must meditate on for a couple days!

(day two meditating on this)

Today was rough, the spiritual warfare has been the worst I have experienced, it has left me depressed very reclusive and pensive as I used to be in my first years of accepting Christ, it is a scary place to be but I know it is exactley where Christ is leading me He is changing me with the power of His love, healing my past and the scars that I forgot that i had. One of my friends asked me a really tough question last night asking me if I truley knew who I was? I responded with "I am sin and God is the only righteousness i pocess". Christ is constantly being formed in me but when it boils down to it though I don't know who I am, I am insecure, I am broken, needing real friendship, being not independent. Not at all what Christ is was and will continue to be. God is a God of unchanging character and I am not supposed to be swerving I am supposed to be more and more steadfast as I continue in pursuing Christ but as most christians find they are never on the straight and the narrow but get on one side of an extreme not like Jesus. We must look toward the scriptures to become Christlike yet balancing our duty in worship.

JG

Shattering the Glass Perception

If you talk to anyone I know, especially my accountabily partners over the years they will tell you that I struggle heavily in the area of thinking too highly of myself one moment yet at another point in time not thinking highly enough of myself being so chaotic in finding my worth that it manifests itself into deep apathy and deep passion the next moment. I have for a long time been putting a glass box of wrong perceptions around myself not really letting people see the real John." In so doing I think I have negelected letting Perceptions I have of myself align with my fathers view of me. And it seems in all this soul searching it's time to get a sledge hammer and smash this perception box made of the most beautiful of glass!

"For through the grace given me I say to everyone that they should not think more highly of himself then he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has alloted to each a measure of faith. "
-romans 12:3

I find my worth in Jesus alone and the fact that when He looks at me He sees me saved and perfect in all my failures. And that is beautiful! I have yet to be fully sanctified and that is okay I don't need to do that to earn slavation or worth, I am already worthy through Christ alone. It is my worship to Him to be sanctified. The fact that all I need do is nothing and He will get everything done! But he wants me to partake! To give me blessing! To let love shine through me, and reflect as a face that spent time in the shekinah glory

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upone you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

I think paul was on to something when he said our perceptions of ourselves are alloted on the basis of our faith. When we believe God to be a God that is outside any human box, we begin to in turn shatter our outer glass shell and we begin to find that being unprotected we are sheltered alone by God and we can let Him move in is the same way He is, hallowed.

We gain so much peace when we have the key Romans 11:33-36

May we shatter this box of what God can do and shatter the glass shell of what God can do through us through Him! It is time for a generation of those baptised in the Spirit! For those who are baptized in Him will clothe their perception by Him through Him and to Him and His glory! I wait to see that one, oh what a sight that would be!

JG

Our God reigns

All that I see in my eyes
has happened, cursed the world lies.
I percieve through my mind
the modernity, I may find

and fight, as on my trembling knees
moving as a gusty gale through the trees

Our God reigns supreme in everything

Taking the ground which I never thought
I could take, perceptions I trust not

When I record...

it rains...there is no fail...it always rains...I consider that strange...or perhaps God in His infinite irony saying I love you...who knows?
JG