In a purity of joy

For a large majority of my christian walk, joy has escaped my best attempts to capture it.

Many do not see the perhaps intense ups and downs I have experience over the course of my life.

This blog perhaps captures it to some degree. But my love of image has kept many from being let into the fullness of who I am.

These blogs have served to capture joy through a pride of my own intellect, an ability to capture truth, bottle it as some might do to a firefly on a long summer night and then show everyone what I and I alone found.

But the truth is most of my blogs were derived from the sermons of those I listen to and not really out of the times I spent with God himself.

The long silence I have recently had in my written work here has pointed out the sin in the blogging.

The lack of revelation and the incredible amount of information that really didn't sink fully into my own heart.

But as I walk into a time where I am making my own decisions more and more for practically all my life now. I am finding what I walk into is a great unknown. And I need that revelation. The old isn't satisfying any more.

But as I discover what it is to be fed into this time. I am finding joy. Beautiful incredible joy. The kind that warms my heart. Stills my steps. And moves me to tears and action.

And all the things I use to do; those things I now see so riddled with the sinful man I was and will always to some degree be. They have trained me extensively for whatever lies in the present. I am no longer overwhelmed by the lack of perfection in myself but on the need for God himself. He has already gone before me. For any type of ministry that I might find in my joy to do. And strangely there is a peace and a surprise at what is happening before my eyes and in my heart : how well I am doing with all the uncertainty.

I am leaning on God. Desperately I am leaning on him. And I am finally seeing who He is.

I can't believe it took me this long to see clearly who He is was and will always be. His love. His overwhelming love. His justice. His wrath. etc.

I am growing up.

I am excited for what comes. Where God leads. And learning more about my wonderful God!

-JG