Coup De Grâce

Last week, I got the opportunity to go out to New York City for 3 days for an interview/meeting for a potential architecture job with a great and wonderful firm I've been in contact with since June. It was a long awaited trip and I used the opportunity of being out there to see the city interact with its people and get a picture and a more tangible reality of my possible future life there.

I can’t begin to possibly contain the trip in mere musings here and I apologize for many a delayed response to facebook comments emails etc.; but its taken me a while to reflect. I try not to spit out initial responses that might be erratic and illogical at best through those methods of communication.

So, in piecing together this thing together, as I don’t do with many others I have decided to forgo shoving emotion to the side; but I have given it sufficient time to be of benefit. I lose all the power and depth of what God has been trying to get at in me through the things behind the many tears that were shed as an emotional response over this past week in sorting through what happened in NYC, if I simply let emotion have no part. So I will be honest and bare my heart here while trying to make some sort of sense.

So I will start out with the response I would have posted on facebook..."The trip was wonderful"…it really was...but it was much more than that. I got to see some amazingly beautiful buildings meet some wonderful people and eat wonderful food but God used the last day(the day of the interview) as an opportunity to wreck me and wreck me good. The interview and the firm ended up being a big surprise…totally different than what I expected them to be and what I expected them to say and it forced me to rebuild a lot of my speculation and expectations of what I expected my life to look like in NYC.

The week following the trip was very emotional due to those 8 months of expectations being rearranged and the realities I saw and experiences not even remotely resembling what I expected. It actually hasn’t been really til today a week later that I have been able to reflect without bursting into tears. Which I am still sorting through. Elise can attest to the fact I really have been an emotional nut-job as of late.

What I can gather from the tears though is that for those who don’t know or wouldn’t suspect going to NYC, for me, meant a possible end to a long period of waiting eager expectation hopes and heart…and I really believed this trip to be the coup de grâce to the 8 months in pursuing NYC, the 3 years of strenuous emotional effort pursuing an architecture job, and the lifetime endeavor I have had since I was 4 to become an architect. NYC, though, was not the "blow of mercy(coup de grâce)" I hoped it to be… it was a simple repetition of a word I've heard a lot of for the past few years " wait. "

And don’t get me wrong the interview / meeting went immensely well and I am led to believe I am at the top of their list but a few more things have to go right before they commit to hiring a salary position and I must continue to wait.

And that was way too much for my heart to handle in this week following the trip. That's what I've been working through.

But as I’ve begun to pray through the very casual interview that resembled more of a meet and greet and the conversation I had with the principle about the company and its future and my skills and talents and how they could be used there ; I’ve begun to see ,regaining my emotional sanity, that God is in it in more wonderful ways than I expected Him to be…and He always has been and giving up in this perhaps last leg of the sprint is stupid and pointless. And I'd be a fool to do so when in reality the door is still just as open as its ever been to be sent with my wife to NYC!

And frankly…nothing has changed… besides the fact we're another week down the timeline of what God has for Elise and I...but the truth is I’m still waiting on the Lord and His timing on this thing…but things have changed a little...the door is cracked a little bit more open and the things I’m learning about my heart and myself and the Lord Himself and growing in along the way are changing me in more profound ways than I possibly could write about or summarize here…yet strangely those things are the things that matter immensely more than what we might call big. And I'm glad that God sees fit to be thorough with my heart and prepare me for wherever and whenever He is leading because I know I will need it and He's laying good things ahead of me! And that's exciting and worth enduring for!

JG

Fullness

I’ve been trying to write this for several weeks now but the time of reflection and gluing together of a thousand instances was impossible to do except for now.

So I apologize but I believe these reflections come in their perfect timing!

…

I’m working currently 6 days a week with an international relief non-profit and love love my job!

In this job, I have faced and seen more spiritual warfare in these past few weeks than I ever have encountered. And in dealing with it, I could go into the thousand reasons and speculations but what I have come to realize is unexpected; but is the more proper response the greater question, the greatest question, “who is God?” And in that question finding an answer and implications that I was empty until I found.

Christ and what He did on the cross is what I’m seeing: the intermingling of the cross and my world and the implications of it.

Here it is:

“The fullness of God was pleased to dwell” in Jesus and so rests in us if we choose to believe. The one who is able to conquer death is in us.

Do you get that, what that means? I don’t even scratch the surface of the implications and am still amazed!

That has been the great mark I have seen these past few weeks between the believers and the non-believers I work with. Those non-believers who are helping us out that are in the job for money or helping out mankind are plagued by outright demonic attacks. Three tires blowing out, a house burning down, hands needing to be amputated etc. And that is only 3 days mind you.

For the believer Satan is a defeated foe by what Jesus accomplished on the cross. For the unbeliever he is still allowed to terrorize them in blatant and obvious ways because again the fullness of God does not reside in the unbeliever they are empty and open for counterfeits that will never bring them the fullness of what life was meant to bring. That may seem harsh but it is true and I stand by it. A non-believer will never step into the fullness of anything without accepting Christ.

But this thought does not end here it explodes with something not easily noted. If we have the fullness of God in us and have the victory over Satan there is no limit to who we can become in Christ as we bury the deeds of darkness and reach for the world under Christ reaching the potential and fullness that Satan bitterly opposes.

This is the beauty in fullness and what Christ death on the cross and resurrection after means.

I’ve seen fashion and ad executives join this job from Manhattan and join part in this endeavor. I have seen volunteers from 2 countries so far and 23 states join hands in helping kids. There is something to following Christ and his commands to love and the morality he taught but without Christ these people will never experience the fullness of joy that Christ promises because of Satan’s deception of them. And that breaks my heart

And I believe in this God has led me to the grand lesson of this time that as I step into my interview in NYC on the 13th of December. I was buried with Christ in baptism and am made alive in Him I suffer and love others in stark contrast to the culture I step into. I must allow Christianity to critique every culture that I step into; and it will not destroy it but will make it reach its fullness. And that is why I am sent because there is some beautiful potential that God sees for the world and for this country and for that city and for His joy as well as my own. And he is pleased to allow my wife and I to step into co laboring with Him in His victory.

We as believers are still in a war with Satan and the forces of darkness. Never forget that or be unmindful of his ways. I am going to war soon, I can feel it coming. The outer lying battles here have trained me; but they are nothing compared to what is coming…but the beauty of it is Christ is already Victor over all “ he has overcome the world”. And we have power and authority through Him alone to cast out demons and help this world grow in justice in love grace and in the glorifying of God. Calling leaders and authorities to the responsibility of keeping this great world in order because God demands it so that his gospel may go forth and making light shine in immense darkness and by dying becoming alive to the greater things in their fullness.

What a great God we serve and love!

-JG

A Cross of Joy

The cross cannot be separated from the resurrection. They are they linked. The death of Christ cannot be seperated from his resurrected life. It is importantly so with our lives in Christ. We cannot experience joy and the better life here on Earth without the cross in our lives.

…

I could contentedly close my conclusions there because there is so much depth to that thought; but for me that thought is shaping me in more profound ways than I can possibly write in this time.

But nonetheless God is brilliantly working in me and I desire deeply to write. God has deeply impressed that upon my heart tonight. So I will illuminate further some recent thoughts etc.

…

I have always been one to do things immensely well at nearly everything I set my mind to…except a recent endeavor of shooting hoops with my wife and brother in law ( I thank God for such reminders that I am frail and human). But, to Most they interpret that quality and character of my work to be from God .

I’ve been asking myself as of late though how much of it is me and how much is from God.

And upon reflection I think that God does play a pivotal part but I am finding the source more applicably is myself choosing to die to myself and my desires and deciding to take up my cross.

As this time of stillness and sober reflection is showing me choosing to follow Christ’s voice and call in bigger and quicker ways shows me this truth clearer than I have ever seen it. I think the saying goes “the greater the risk the greater the reward”. It is true with Christianity too. The greater the honoring of the voice of the Lord the greater the joy..

Tonight God led me to Romans 12…but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what the will of God is.

Coupled with last night’s reading from Exodus 16 I am convinced that God wanted the Israelites after He took them out of Egypt to completely and utterly to get Egypt out of their minds. He wanted them to walk think eat etc. differently. He wanted them to be completely new.

In this time I am thinking differently. I recognized it tonight. I am thinking newly and in it I am finding the good will of God Himself his love beyond anything I can fathom or take in without being moved.

God wanted me to die and in order for that to have happened I had to take up my cross. Stepping out in faith in pursuing New York when we could so easily be comfortable someplace else. We could have stayed in California and had every comfort and luxury society tells us to have. But it is my current cross that is making me die. And in dying I am finding life and finding a deep deep joy.

And I will gladly take up the next cross when it comes because there is joy in the cross.

I had the pleasure of going to dinner with Elise’s spiritual mama this evening. I was listening to them be women and converse back and forth when something hit me. She trusts God so deeply.

She told me that was part of her renewing. I find myself trusting God in deeper ways than ever before. I find the questions lacking. I use to think that so ignorant!

I trust and know God to be a good God. That is enough

It doesn’t mean I don’t wander what each day will hold or how I am to play a part in it. But I trust him at his word and by His remarkable love and I need nothing else. And that is so deeply pressed upon my heart.

I know deeper than my head
Inside my heart

Love is here
I trust so deeply
I can’t deny

Faith deeper than my head
…is here

There are no more questions
This night and forevermore!

JG

Psalm 27

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes wait for for the Lord.

-Psalm 27 13-14

To Wait is good

My life is good and is so immensely blessed.

I come to that conclusion far to little in my life.

But it is true.

I look at my life, my beautiful wife, who I am, and where we are , and where we are going and I smile because life is good and I am so richly blessed by a good God.

And its not because he has given me a great architecture job, cause that hasn’t happened yet! It’s because I know deep down God loves me - that , whatever my lot it is good. It has not failed me yet and I should not doubt it will in the future

If this season has taught me anything through deep sensible reflection it is that the reason life is good is because I have let Christ be king in my life… let Him have control…even when I doubt him to be good and deny the love He has for me.

Therefore, the most sensible thing to do is let Him be Lord and let me be loved by Him even when I can’t understand or see the full picture, submitting to his will.

The decision to pursue New York City for Elise and I’s life has been an interesting journey . It hasn’t been easy by any means but as time has progressed we see God’s continued leading and wise governance over the situation.

And the simple fact has come that to wait on something is good.

Financially I will not mention numbers but we should, should a certain job go through have enough money to completely pay for our move to New York, all of our furniture ,trips to NYC for interviews, first months rent and a security deposit by January 1st, 2011 just through what Elise and I have saved while in Colorado.

If I would have had my way I would have had a job with a company I applied for in SoHo in late July. And would have moved to NYC September 1st of this year. An unrealistic dream!

But this way is better and I would not trade the humility and confidence growing within Elise and I the rest and simplicity of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves us and is directing our lives forward, for anything.

It’s been such a blessing to be here with both sets of parents, to be able to talk with them enjoy life with them and discover who they are.

The Lord is good, May we always remember even when things happen that we don’t understand.

-John Grinstead

A Quiet Place called Colorado

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.

Mark 6:30-32

Rest + Simplicity

While in school I had these breaks in the chaos that was architecture school: working, managing a social life, trying to have generally good sleeping habits and wooing a woman. But those breaks were not enough time to rest and to get at what God really wished to do. Because other things had to come first.I am seeing that every day more and more.

There is an adjustable time-line to God's working in our lives. We have to pass the test before we can move on.

See, God shaped me while in school. He did a lot of shaping that I am only now really discovering the immensity of . He was working with my breaking point giving enough rest to develop me and shape me in the breaking point to bring me to this point where He could accomplish what he is accomplishing now.

Surprisingly though, even though I have been here in Colorado for two months now and been four months tomorrow since I graduated; It is only really just now in this length of time of stopping that I am finally having these moments like these... where I finally feel like I am on the precipice of walking into what I was meant to all along.

There are these rare moments that are becoming more commonplace where I simply enjoy the fact I am married and becoming who I am. Rejoicing in God's goodness graced in my present where my education and experience collides with my career heart and action. It is different than anything I have experienced before it is so good yet defies my best attempt to conjure up words.

I get to share a bed with a woman and get to live life's simplicities with her: Apple Cider. Reading in bed. Autumn Puzzles. Cooking tacos. Sitting at Panera for hours just catching up while eating 3 desserts. Watching Planet Earth.

I am moved by the simplicity of this time and what God is doing in me.

I am moved to my heart. to joy and immense peace and confidence.

I am moved by how God is providing for the realities of what I can imagine and have no idea.

He is very thorough.

He is very good. Even when I don't see that. The fact is true.

Why would I not believe?

Why would I not choose to trust...in Love itself?

JG

Run in the Night

I’ve been reflecting.

I finally have brought myself to it.

To be honest it has taken me so long because I feared the pain of seeing the blessing of what I was letting go of…choosing to hold everything with open hands.

Why did I fear. A good God will never lead me into something that will not in time set my heart ablaze.

He is a God who works over time and perfectly and thoroughly not missing a speck in my heart. Who rips soul and spirit apart to create a perfect person in perfect will and perfect joy.



I read through all of my blogs of the past 5+ years

I saw college through a wide angle lens and in turn saw God.

Saw my narrow entries.

But despite me..

God was there…and everywhere working despite all humanity.

We have confidence in the Lord concerning you, that you are doing and will continue to do what we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.

Paul saw that. That is why there is freedom in true Christianity because God is good not because we are any better.

In the words of my sister’s pastor this weekend God did not save christians from the curse. We are still broken and in need. God deems that beneficial to us and the relationship we have with Him because we are therefore not hinging our joy on ourselves but on God’s good works despite us.

" Our lord said"go" but he also said "wait," and the waiting had to come before the going. Had the disciples gone forth as missionaries before the day of pentacost, it would have been an overwhelming spiritual disaster, for they could have done no more than make converts of their own likeness, and this would have altered for the worse the whole history of the western world and had consequences throughout the ages to come."
-Tozer (warfare of the Spirit)

There are days where I wonder what this time is here for…and I would be a fool to say I know what this time is here for.
I speculate often. But what I do know is that it is wrong to manhandle the timetable…I am here til God says “go” in his perfect timing.


He is the ultimate authority in my life. Not myself. The spirit inside of me which he has given has enabled me to go but certain things must happen before others.


I saw that in my writing how perfect was the timing of it all, perfect against my will and frustration. And that is why I can reflect in such overwhelming joy and holding it with open hands.


God is in this moment even now. I can rejoice in this time to reflect and realize who I am; all those people I took the blessing that God gave me and met them impacted them and was able to be a blessing to them. I have 22 letters from 22 men who I was blessed to impact.


That book brings me to rejoicing tears every time I go through it by myself.


In Landon’s words I left a legacy for others to walk into. I trust God that even if they fail in reaching my most lofty hopes for their lives God is still working within the larger timetable and working in their lives. I pray they can become spiritually worthy realizing their own brokenness and sinfulness in order that they might be able to go to the ends of the world proclaiming the gospel and not delaying any longer and making it more painful for God to finally break them and bring them to their knees.


This song from Jars of Clay entitled Run In the Night describe my situation very well. The things I am learning and describes this blogs reasoning better than I could do.Enjoy.




I know who I am

Once I was nameless, alone and You found me

You formed my knees to bend

You called me beloved

I am perfection



All my failures won't condemn me

Or leave me paralyzed and bound

And when I'm at my worst

Your love, it finds me first

By You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



For I am such a man

Seized by the power of a great perfection

No matter where I am

Peace spreads below me in every direction



When evil sets the war upon me

I won't stumble, I won't fall

And though they do their worst

Your love has found me first

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



Hide me in the shelter of...

Keep me in the cover of...

Lead me in the light of Your love

Hide me in the light of Your love



For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



JG

Compass

“Dream a dream so big it is doomed to fail if God is not in it”

…

In many respects I am idealist.

To you that probably doesn’t make much sense. To me it really doesn’t either.

Especially in the world we inhabit!

I am finding when doing things for God’s kingdom: being in community and engaging with people, the situation is never ideal. It never has been with sinful people. The idealism comes when God steps in.

This is an aspect of myself I am learning to lay down: the gentle whisper that is the Spirit telling me that the dreams He dreams for me and my life are the true ideal things.

…

When it comes to people understanding me fully, few if any ever really come close. Perhaps, I withhold much or perhaps I simply don’t understand myself enough to convey it or come close. But I think the above quote sums me up more than any words I could write because that is simply what I am doing with my life: I am dreaming a big dream and working towards it and seeing where God leads between point A and point B.

Destination B ( New York ) is where Elise and I believe we are called: we believe wholeheartedly God is leading us there!

But we are more excited about how it’s all going to play out because B is a point and place a climax to a story, not a story in itself it is simply the answer to a really big question and an idealistic dream. But it is the in-between that we are finding to be quite more exciting.

See, in a time without structure, I am learning what it means to be led by the spirit and follow him into the strange things he leads us into as believers when we heed and follow his soft yet authoritative voice. And it is immensely strange and exciting and uncomfortable; its a lot like good art.

Because it has been a while since my life has been unstructured or my schedule opened up it is an art I am learning again or perhaps for the first time to be in-sync with a greater art going on.

And its been strange finding God in all the normal everyday things from playing Zelda to a shower that does not give forth hot water until two days ago a paved bicycle path that ends in a grove of trees etc. and all those wonderful people we have met in the two months, so far, between A and B!

And I say all this to simple echo the words of Jacob “ surely God is in this place and I was unaware”! He is with Elise and I on this journey and it probably won't be ideal until God steps in and boy does he!

So we hold out a compass with open hands and submit ourselves to that spinning needle that is led by forces outside of our control but it is pointing to the one who spins the needle along the journey.

-John Grinstead

A story of the spinning needle

Fall is quickly approaching.

I can feel it in the air.

The days are cooler now.

The air a bit more biting.

The leaves are changing.

Through the evening air the other night

with a low hanging sun peeking behind the grain filled hills

Fall five years coming for her and I.

Excited to feel these things again.

Excited to feel again

I use to understand it

been a long while.

my bicycle and me

my girl behind me

Through the evening air the other night

with a low hanging sun peeking behind the grain filled hills

Excited to feel these things again.

Excited to feel again, been a long while.

A glorious Dependence

John Wesley once wrote that a church is “ all at it, and always at it”

I’ve been thinking about this idea …

And one interesting idea comes to the surface “unfavorable circumstance…leading to immense benefit and kingdom progress and building.”

We must turn to Paul to understand this well...

See, I would say Paul was always at it even in his often-unfavorable circumstance; those moments where he was probably asking God why but trusting in his immense faithfulness and sovereignty. See, Paul wrote most of his letters from prison and I strangely find myself encouraged because even though Paul could do little and had little to do he found himself “at it”…following the impulses of his heart and his love for mission even when mission seemed impossible.

In my circumstance and in Paul’s he always returned to faith in God’s good purpose for the world even if it meant difficulty for himself. In this “ all at it, and always at it” he was always encouraging others to trust in God’s good purpose for the world and work toward it which perhaps was God’s greater purpose through Paul besides his mission trips and speaking engagements: because Paul’s true purpose was only shown through time and known through God’s lens. Which points to the fact that there is a glorious dependence to be had upon God as his children and as our father for the purposes unseen.

“All at it, and always at it” doesn’t mean there is not differing circumstances. It doesn’t exclude the season of Sabbath and rest it simply means that we must find ourselves doing what we can for others and for God’s Kingdom even in seasons of rest. Trusting that when we have been given seasons of rest that we are not given them for ourselves but for others. We have to follow and trust in the fact that the things that are for others will fill our soul with more rest than we know and are in God’s good purpose and that the intentions for God’s kingdom are being worked out by the Father himself: faith coupled with confidence.

May we be “all at it, and always at it!”

JG

: Rest :

Time will tell of all the purposes yet unrevealed. I wait upon the Lord…

In the meantime, I am safely back at home in Colorado with my bride. Have left my college town in California and am waiting on God to show forth his calling. I wait upon the Lord to reveal Elise and I’s future

AND

In the meantime am finding myself immensely grateful for home and my family.

In the meantime, Elise and I will be living in the basement I designed and built with my bare hands designed with my sensibilities and dreamed of until a point where God directs and opens his door to our future. The basement is a few days from completion: only a few things are left unfinished like a shower door that needs to be installed and a few pictures to hang and a few boxes to sort through and the putting of those items into their proper places.

God has thoroughly given me a place to rest here, I am immensely grateful for a place for the re-cultivation of the things I lost while in college. The pieces of my character and delight I am finding again.

And to be honest it’s hard to have moved back in with the parents and in-laws because it is against nearly every guiding principle based direction I put upon my life. But whom am I to deny God’s leading…I know He has me here with incredible purpose…and I am beginning to see that. I am rejoicing in it.

In many respects the basement is God’s design coupled with my own. A tangible representation of where I can be at peace. I feel it every time I go down there. There is a deep satisfaction of it nearing completion and seeing vision turned reality.

Beyond that, there are fears here and there but I am at rest. God is surely good and showers his goodness upon his children.

He is so deeply good!

I heard the voice of Jesus say

“Come unto me and rest.

Lay down thou weary one, lay down,

Thy head upon my breast.”

I came to Jesus as I was,

Weary and worn and sad.

I found in Him a resting place,

And He hath made me glad.

JG

Reflections on Light. Joy. Marriage.

So much has happened over the past month. I have scarce to take it all in and reflect on the movement and intertwining of God in my present. I feel these words are so immensely inadequate yet I feel this is a good and proper exercise even if it fails to achieve my highest of ambitions.

I will not be able to reflect fully here but I thought it best to do so while in the joy of it all.

…

Hard to believe I am a month and a few days into marriage. A month and a half out of graduating from college. Have moved out of my college house of three years where so much of who I am was formed and cultivated and am now living with my bride in her old place.

Hard to believe I am now starting to realize that my days in San Luis Obispo and California are coming to a close and the days of Elise and I living as one in our new life together are truly beginning.

I think I wondered a lot what this future would bring and what it would look like? Where we would be? What would it look like at this point of time? What would my relationship with God look like? What would I have learned?

And to be honest, I don’t really have those answers readily at my mind. I am still trying in vain to catch up while God presses on with his blessing. I don't know what to do half the time but learn to cling to God a little bit more each day, which is inevitably what marriage brings: every day I am reminded that it comes back to faith reliance and trust in the good God. God is full of blessing and perfect timing yet it is our decision whether or not to trust; and that is difficult at points yet so critical. Every day yields its surprises but relatively it is the same old relationship with God just a little bit more intertwined with others and simple put just more dependent upon God, which is the best place to be and the best place to see him show up and work.

To put it in metaphorical terms ; its as if the light I once cultivated within myself is finally in the process of turning inside out. The mirrors that kept light in are being rotated from inward to outward and in so doing I am finding quite a bit of light and quite a bit of unfamiliarity with the things now easily seen and shown . My interests and mind are divided with all of this new life ahead of me; but it is simply put I am no longer thinking of my little ball of light, but the sharing of that light with my wife and with others which is again a good place to be.

I see myself more every day a sinner, saved by remarkable grace, and in so doing in allowing the ridding of the things which separate me from Him see a truer picture of a glorious God and the joy that continues to grow in my heart.

I continue to find myself in need of ridding myself of expectation and control; finding what God led me into and choosing to accept it for my benefit whether it be within my plan or not: painful or easy to accept. Today’s tomorrow has become an immense fog and mystery, and somehow although it seems contradictory there is largely an overwhelming peace about the steps before Elise and I ( but the occasional doubt) as we are choosing to walk every day in the reality of a good God who gives great gifts and his ultimate joy bestowed becomes more and more infused into our reality.

And my heart becomes more authentic and honest with every step of faith especially those that are immensely painful. Every day of marriage shows me that it is no longer my control that dictates the course of my joy and my future, which oftentimes would end in periods of sadness and depression; but it is God directing my surrender and my progress to bring forth His glory and kingdom. I find myself singing these days writing poetry and music again which has been subdued in lack of joy for a long time.

Marriage brings a more vivid reality. I have realized over the past month that my world is brighter and my senses are more alive. I have found something better than what I had before in the engaged or dating or single period. It is as if I have gone from being on one knee with a ring held out to a period of being on both my knees with joyful tears filling the carpet and wetting the feet of my beloved savior for his immeasurable grace gifts and character.

And one thought sticks out more that most in this time: as I move toward becoming a father I increasingly become a son of God and realize I have little to offer the world apart from the gifts and treasure I have been given by God himself. He is teaching me how to be like him, and bring forth into the world, following in His footsteps.

Marriage is so good. It is a fight every day. But the battle is worth it because what I am fighting for in my wife and bringing forth in God and in his grace and goodness in the world is worth every ounce of effort and exhaustion. I see that now.

Somewhere along these past five years God made me a man, and made me a warrior with motivation and a reason to fight! He gave me joy. Gave me a gift in my wife that I don’t deserve. Refined me to be a blessing…and in so doing blessed me! It’s beautiful to reflect on.

-John Grinstead

Time passes and a new chapter begins

Black turned to white over several varying shades of grey.

First drop to fall

Morning breaks, the first subtle shade of color in the grey

Blue filling the world.

Time passes and a new chapter begins

Blue passes away

A small but significant blade piercing the ground to begin soaking in the light of that first day.

Moving and swaying.

Breeze moving what has come in this day

Green filling the world

Time passes and a new chapter begins

Bursting into color in the light of that first day

Birds of the air, and beasts of the sea

Flowers of the field, and the many more things to come.

Green turned brown fresh canvas for life to play upon. Echos of hope. Glimmers, almost certainly gone!

Time passes and a new chapter begins

Every chapter ends

And several ripples of reflection come

Changing and making there way

To form light in wonderful shades

And so the story of color begins

Changing and making their way

To form light in wonderful shades

Time passes and a new chapter begins

Endurance and Expression

The above is a movie about what I see as patient endurance in the midst of a world of instant self-gratification (pride) I find it beautiful because of the patience and tangible nature of what is birthed physically and character wise from this type of work.

…

Tonight, I imagine words like many other nights will fail ;but I wanted to note two verses that are on my heart these days.And very much correlate with the above movie.

Ecc. 7:8 notes that:

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.

Proverbs 28:2 notes that

By the transgression of a land many are its princes, But by a man of understanding and knowledge, so it endures.

As my father notes often and sums up the above verses : “ finish well.”

…

This is our call as Christians to endure until the end and to be better than the day we began it. To grow and to flourish in a world of challenge to the Christian life, to not be children any longer but warriors carrying forth God's light into the work being tempered by patient endurance and development although its hard work and comes with great struggle and difficulty.

Thank God for people that still do things the old fashioned way who have bent fingers because there is something about doing something with your two hands that takes a long time that cannot be duplicated and is immensely satisfying.

-John Grinstead

... Reckless Joy ...

“I may not understand what Jesus Christ says, but it is dangerous to say that therefore He was mistaken in what He said. It is never right to think that my obedience to a word of God will bring dishonor to Jesus. The only thing that will bring dishonor is in not obeying Him. TO put my view of His honor in place of what He is plainly impelling me to do is never right, although it may arise from a real desire to prevent Him being put to open shame. I know when the proposition comes from God because of its quiet persistence: When I have to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate come in, I am bringing in an element that is not of God, and I come to the conclusion that the suggestion was not a right one. Many of us are loyal to our notions of Jesus Christ, but how many of us are loyal to Him? Loyalty to Jesus means I have to step out where I do not see anything (Matthew 14:29); loyalty to my notions means that I clear the ground first by my intelligence. Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way.

Are you debating whether to take a step in faith in Jesus or to wait until you can see how to do the thing yourself? Obey Him with glad reckless joy. When He says something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a conception of His honor which is not His honor. Are you loyal to Jesus or loyal to your notion of Him? are you loyal to what He says, or are you trying to compromise with conceptions which never came from Him? ‘Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it.

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, March 28th

Video for Easter

THE GREATEST ART from Hillsong Church on Vimeo.

To the one who creates great art out of our lives. Shattering expectations and cultural norms. To the God who rose this day. What a great God!

-J.G.Grinstead

B-Sides

In many respects I don’t know really what to make of this season of life. Certain things are coming to an end and other things are truly just beginning.Graduation, marriage careers and life is upon Elise and I. And in this time we are really at a juncture between one distinct part of life and another.

It’s difficult to know who to talk to about what and where, let alone what to talk about, where I should be when, and what to do in each moment and all those important things that seems to stitch days together into time and logical progression of events and conversation that can be contained in blogs etc.

BUT despite the fact my mind at moments is in a billion places…trying to make sense of the chaos of life and possible future eventualities; my heart is in a state of an overwhelming peace.

I just finished reading NT Wright’s After You Believe: Why Christian Character matters. Through it my heart both leaps and is still at the beauty of what God desires to do in the Earth and what he wants to do through his beloved children. His encouragement is for action not just worship alone; but for mission. To live on mission is this:

"The longer you play it safe and avoid risk and potential loss, the more you will accept the present and lose your capacity to dream about and shape the future. When your fears are given more authority than the Spirit of God, all chance of valor and generational impact is gone."

-J.R. Vassal

No matter what happens in the next part of life I should make sure that Elise and I never lose the capacity to dream of God doing big things in and among us and being obedient to the steps that are necessary to get there.

“Here is Adam, called to a great destiny and losing it by his disobedience. Here is Jesus Christ, called to undo the resultant mess, to get the human project back on track and being obedient to that calling and thereby accomplishing it…

What would it look like if God were running things?

…It would like obedient human beings, following the Obedient Human, acting as stewards over creation, bringing new creation to birth, and gathering up the praises of that creation to present them to its maker. Jesus himself as the whole New Testament makes clear acted as the Obedient Human summing up creation’s praises and inaugurating God’s saving sovereignty.

-N.T. Wright (from After You Believe)

In the difficulty that change, most likely ,will produce in the coming months I rejoice because it will force Elise and I out of our own comfort into a place where we need God . Where we see him clearer and obey because we see Him, not ourselves. Seeing the Beautiful God intimately tying together random events lessons scripture people etc.

“ get up and follow me; I am the good shepherd and I will not lead you anywhere you are not supposed to go”

"‘If you are always busy listening, you will never come to understanding;

If you are always busy gratifying your eyes, you will never perceive.’

Develop a true heart within these people;

make them hear silence and close their eyes.

So that they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed."

- Isaiah 6:9-10

-J.G.Grinstead

Joy

Sometimes I forget what joy feels like.

But there are these moments of life that remind me of a proper perspective towards God’s ways and means and the joy that comes from it.

For the christian the path is often riddled with difficulty.

The life Christ calls us to is not easy, by any means.

But these moments like tonight, they remind me that some of the best things of life are the ones that take the longest and most effort to get to.

And perhaps in this I see clearer than I ever have that life is worth fighting for.

Joy is worth the overwhelming sadness of refinement.

Christ is worth it.

-John Grinstead

Guess someone Already Had the Idea

I happened to reading for class. And maybe it is just sheer exhaustion or sleep deprivation but I find this to be thoroughly amusing. Especially that someone would want to patent it.

JG

Recent Reflections

I have been meaning to write for a while and despite my best intentions I have come up empty. Blogging isn’t my highest priority as it once was.

I am glad what got done over break. How I spent it and what was done in it. Although tiring hectic and chaotic at times, the time was certainly not wasted and I would say was well spent.

...and I have a still spell to reflect here and pray through the next two quarters and wanted to write about some recent thoughts that give me reason to rejoice.

My thoughts as of late have been directed towards the two weddings I attended this past Saturday with Elise. The pleasure of bringing Elise into my family and becoming my future wife! is that I have gotten to in a sense join hers. I am a part of her family and seeing and meeting the people she grew up with. The ones who were a part of who she has become, And from the two wedding I just got this sense that these, those who grew up with Elise were immensely Christ centered and they were focused and fixated on the gospel going forth, you could tell that these people they loved God. And you see that bubble over through Elise.

And I really want to write more, but I don’t know what to say beyond to simply state that I am immensely thankful for the people that God brought into Elise’s life while she was growing up.

The first wedding we attended on Saturday I found a wine and champagne I actually liked. Which is remarkable in its own right. But I think it was more so the fact I felt willing to celebrate with these couples because I found reason to celebrate without fear because what they were embarking upon with the family that surrounded them I had no doubt that their marriages would be strong and they are surrounded by people who will encourage pray and offer wise advice.

I found myself on a couch at the second wedding and began to be overcome by sadness because I didn’t really have that in my own life growing up, At least to the same intensity of remarkable Christian people that surrounded Elise as she grew up.

And I wanted that.

I wept for that.

Pleading for God to really provide in remarkable ways in my future.

This break, silent reflection and each thought with each passing day grows in intensity and makes me realize that Elise is the most beautiful wonderful gift and best thing that God could give to me. I don’t deserve her in so many respects.

So I just wanted to mainly say to those who were a part of Elise’s spiritual formation growing up. You have given me a most wonderful gift in who she has grown up to be and become. And sincerest praise to God and to him be the ultimate glory and praise through our lives joined together. May the two of us as we become one in 6months carry on the legacy that you have given and passed on into the character wisdom and grace that you gave to her and you so wonderful showcase.

-John G. Grinstead