Run in the Night

I’ve been reflecting.

I finally have brought myself to it.

To be honest it has taken me so long because I feared the pain of seeing the blessing of what I was letting go of…choosing to hold everything with open hands.

Why did I fear. A good God will never lead me into something that will not in time set my heart ablaze.

He is a God who works over time and perfectly and thoroughly not missing a speck in my heart. Who rips soul and spirit apart to create a perfect person in perfect will and perfect joy.



I read through all of my blogs of the past 5+ years

I saw college through a wide angle lens and in turn saw God.

Saw my narrow entries.

But despite me..

God was there…and everywhere working despite all humanity.

We have confidence in the Lord concerning you, that you are doing and will continue to do what we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.

Paul saw that. That is why there is freedom in true Christianity because God is good not because we are any better.

In the words of my sister’s pastor this weekend God did not save christians from the curse. We are still broken and in need. God deems that beneficial to us and the relationship we have with Him because we are therefore not hinging our joy on ourselves but on God’s good works despite us.

" Our lord said"go" but he also said "wait," and the waiting had to come before the going. Had the disciples gone forth as missionaries before the day of pentacost, it would have been an overwhelming spiritual disaster, for they could have done no more than make converts of their own likeness, and this would have altered for the worse the whole history of the western world and had consequences throughout the ages to come."
-Tozer (warfare of the Spirit)

There are days where I wonder what this time is here for…and I would be a fool to say I know what this time is here for.
I speculate often. But what I do know is that it is wrong to manhandle the timetable…I am here til God says “go” in his perfect timing.


He is the ultimate authority in my life. Not myself. The spirit inside of me which he has given has enabled me to go but certain things must happen before others.


I saw that in my writing how perfect was the timing of it all, perfect against my will and frustration. And that is why I can reflect in such overwhelming joy and holding it with open hands.


God is in this moment even now. I can rejoice in this time to reflect and realize who I am; all those people I took the blessing that God gave me and met them impacted them and was able to be a blessing to them. I have 22 letters from 22 men who I was blessed to impact.


That book brings me to rejoicing tears every time I go through it by myself.


In Landon’s words I left a legacy for others to walk into. I trust God that even if they fail in reaching my most lofty hopes for their lives God is still working within the larger timetable and working in their lives. I pray they can become spiritually worthy realizing their own brokenness and sinfulness in order that they might be able to go to the ends of the world proclaiming the gospel and not delaying any longer and making it more painful for God to finally break them and bring them to their knees.


This song from Jars of Clay entitled Run In the Night describe my situation very well. The things I am learning and describes this blogs reasoning better than I could do.Enjoy.




I know who I am

Once I was nameless, alone and You found me

You formed my knees to bend

You called me beloved

I am perfection



All my failures won't condemn me

Or leave me paralyzed and bound

And when I'm at my worst

Your love, it finds me first

By You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



For I am such a man

Seized by the power of a great perfection

No matter where I am

Peace spreads below me in every direction



When evil sets the war upon me

I won't stumble, I won't fall

And though they do their worst

Your love has found me first

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



Hide me in the shelter of...

Keep me in the cover of...

Lead me in the light of Your love

Hide me in the light of Your love



For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night

For by You I can run in the night



JG