To understand "Father"

So the snow is falling once again. Two blizzards happening in a sense one after the other is a little bit odd. I would say that defies coincidence and obviously in the way that God has to slap me in the face with circumstance, these blizzards are very purposeful.The question obviously is why? But I have stopped asking questions of God because He has stopped answering because it is time to let Him question me. My flesh hates it but it is born of necessity.

Before the snow started falling hardcore this morning I got the chance to get out on my own for the first time since the first blizzard happened and get some errands done. I was thinking what exactley God did with this year and I was like woah that is pretty gnarly.he has given me an understanding of "Spirit" God in its place this year and then also given me an understaning of Jesus in His "right"ful place. I imagine there is far more to understand about the trinity but the one aspect that continues to baffle my comprehension is "Father God." Granted I don't think we can understand Him in His fullness because granted He is Father God, and no one has seen Him in His fullness while still in their flesh. Honestly, though, I would love to understand "Father" God. I know in order to I need to be blameless before Him which I am through Jesus, but I need to be without blame and sin before I approach Him I must declare a choice and keep that decision forever in my heart. That is going to take some work.

I was also thinking this morning that My belief in Jesus as who He is portrayed by the bible is unmoveable now, there is no doubt in my mind He was who He said He was and is who He says He is still. That is fact in my mind. That part is so solid now, and that is honestly very strange to have that aspect of my mind unmoveable. I don't know what made it so solid, it baffles me. It appears God has given me a lot of uninterrupted thought without questions and time to devote myself to sanctification wholly and that is such a wonderful thing.

Oh lord that I might understand the fullness of who You are. That through Your questions I might approach You, as who I am in You, declaring a choice to be blameless in Your eyes, not of my own accord but through Jesus: gift to me of the spirit that dwells within me. I would rather have You than anything else, I declare my choice, and shout fullest praise to You. Pierce this heart that Your nails might only take one blow to saturate. Be still my heart and be kindled and burn. May this snow melt in Your time, that ripples might take place in the water that is to come. Through You Jesus.-Amen

JG

Lonely for the Last Time

It is interesting to find the course and direction that life flows. To see the progression, rise and fall of this mighty powerful river known as life. It is interesting to find myself tonight in a room where I have thrown away all that is unecessary because of a possible move that might happen in the next year or so. I sit in a new room in a sense one of only necessity. I can't help but think though that the reason we love our houses and enjoy being home is the fact that not everything is necessary but there are several layers of unecessity in them. A home is a home because of memories, and the things we did and got to fill up all that empty time known as boredom and all that remains: ticket stubs, paperwork, reciepts, yearbooks, notes, cards, boxes, pictures, and everything else that could possibly fit in your pocket.It is the place where all our junk exists and everything seems to work in unity.

Until we clean up our rooms I don't think we understand though. I ended up throwing away three massive garbage bags full of these things. My walls are mostly bare and in a sense I am moving on toward the unknown toward a path where I can not hide in the room of my childhood and childhood is gone and manhood is dawning, it is a mighty strange change.

The prospect that God has said as of late scares me half to death. He is saying perhaps that I might remain in America not go overseas as I always dreamed, I will stay if God wants but the idea of living in a culture such as ours is honestly... the thought of it is disgusting. Maybe that's precisely why He is calling me to be in the culture here, because I am disgusted with it. This disgust for it will lead me into action.

I was thinking as I was walking up the stairs that the blame that i use to place on the american church is so ill placed. I mean look at the culture, they are simply, desperatley trying to do something that is exciting and do what they can. The heart is so pure they simply don't know how to do it. So few know of the methods to such things.That is why they want the best sound systems, pastors try the newest techniques trying to be relevant and save someone out of their own strength, the best productions etc... and they lose the point entirely. People give out of what they can they don't have time they have money. Our culture as americans doesn't lend itself to true christianity but thank God that He judges the intent not the actual action. I'm sure someone much wiser than I can probably figure out to make it work, but honeslty it is so hard to be a true christian being led by the spirit, fully surrendered in our culture.

We lose all understanding completely in our culture. I want people to return to the way things use to be about 50 years ago where people would show up unexpectedly. Where plans didn't dictate things. Where people were guided by the spirit and weren't so frustrated by the lack of downtime in culture. Where people generally were friendly making friends in every circumstance and were loyal to friends of long ago. Where a conversation mattered more than an A and time spent together was better than that extra couple dollars on the paycheck.

I want people who feel lonely to feel lonely for the last time. I want culture to change. That is the path God has dictated and ordained and I am scared to death to tackle the untangible but with God I can do all things. No idea how, perhaps that is why I have a week and half where there is literally nothing to do. There is another blizzard coming as if the three and a half feet was simply not enough we need another two, gosh. God is forcing me to be still and silent before Him to think how this is going to happen. And where better to think about such things than the room which influenced me so much growing up. God's pretty brillant that way!

JG

The Glass Metaphor

It seems God has blessed me with forty minutes or so. I feel as the Spirit leads this should be enough time to reveal matters of God's teaching in my own life.

God has been encouraging me with the metaphor of a glass. The glass represents our life.

We fill this glass of our life with many things. But God wants to have all the contents of this glass. He is a very jealous God.

God has been teaching me about idols. I heard a story from one of my brothers in Jesus about going to India and he asked a native believer "have you gone to america" she replied" yes." He asked her " would you go back" she replied" no, I could not stand the idolatry" I think we don't see the idols in our culture. I am not going to list any because if you were to honeslty look and care you would see.

I am not God. I have not been given a gift of pastorship annointed by the holy spirit. Until that point I will encourage you to go to God, to see Jesus as who he was, and is currently. I will stop trying to play God and get rid of all pride I have and boast in nothing more than the very cross that saved this wretched sinner.

Until we are ready to be fully emptied and give God every molecule and ounce of our glass of life He will not accept it. As revelation 3:15 says "because you are lukewarm I will spit you out of my mouth"- Jesus. He wishes we would say yes or no fully.

I do not expect many to say yes fully, I pray there would be more but I do not expect so, I desire so.

Anything that we as a culture place above God and devote more time and energy to is an idol. God wants all.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God:Not of works, lest any man should boast.For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

eph 2:8-10

I want to point out verse ten especially because we neglect it in our conversion of "sinners" as christians. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." We are God's workmanship, created upon the time that we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts. God has given to us many good and wonderful things to do, and it is as verse 8 says it is" a gift of God", that no man should boast. The problem I see is that we do not heed the last part" God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." It is a choice to follow Christ day in and day out and it is a choice to be and do good. To be as Jesus was and be holy as He is fully and perfectly.

It our choice to empty the glass fully, the Spirit will help but He will not do all the work because it was before ordained by Him so that we might walk. Me must choose to walk the path ordained before the dawn of time, day in and day out.

According as he hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love
-Eph 1:4

My prayer is that we would make the choice to be fully empty,. It is no walk in the park. It is a walk through a desolate wildereness with no water given until torrential down pour comes when our souls are fully tested and tried, when the Spirit fully baptizes us individually and with no one else present to encourage or help.

The path is uncharted, the destination not so certain. But this is what God has ordained. I choose to walk in the ordained, will you?

-JG

Thaw

Cloud that stirs and swirls around me
that rippled of perfect sight
No longer a perfect reflection
this present truth

More difficult to take in each breath
Your words more amazing with every billow,
Each passing hour a smaller grain
the waters ever more still

Finding myself blind,
speechless, yet not believing
Hearing rumors of White
Yet you stay silent

Ice of my heart
thaw and melt away
Be gentle Raging Fire
kindle this
bring about something better

Oh endless winter inside my mind
I hear whispers of the warmer breeze
Desiring the hourglass might find a faster way
This winter wanting Spring

Ice of my heart
thaw and melt away
Be gentle Raging Fire
kindle this
bring about a better day

Endless Impossibility
I am not about to let You go
Frozen, cracked and parched
Lord let me thaw

Breath on my heart
Let it beat a little faster,
one more day in Love
Let the next season be Spring

JG

To Love the Season

I love Christmas...it's one of the few times the church body gets it right: making Jesus the center of it all. Granted, we lose the point amidst the business and hub bub of it all and make it a ritual rather than a desire but generally I believe this is one of the few times during the year the american church gets something more right than wrong wether they realize it of not. The world for about a month revolves around the birthday of Jesus. I think that is pretty cool... He is so awesome.I mean honestly, the fact that Jesus would humble himself to the point of being a baby, one who burps, poos, and wets himself. I mean that is amazing the kind of love and the humbleness that he went through while here on earth. That is something to throw a big party about: we are no longer under eternal death!

I want to change my view a little bit from the typical though and focus instead not on baby Jesus but instead glorified Jesus. This image strikes me. Revalation 19

"And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him [was] called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.His eyes [were] as a flame of fire, and on his head [were] many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.And he [was] clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies [which were] in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.

I finally have a different picture in my mind of what exactley Jesus looks like not as a baby but as fully glorified. I mean honestly think of this: Jesus here is going to war and his army is all in white. That image is so utterly captivating. I think we have a tendency in this season to see the Baby not the Glorified. I am reminded with this blanket of snow that has recently fallen in my home state that Jesus is going to battle and his army is in white! Pure, untainted, unstained white!

Think of the implications of this, that Jesus when he fights he need not us. He fights! He gets the job done!

We should take this season to focus on the amazing fact that Jesus came as a babe. He humbled himself enough to death on a cross. He was raised from death and became fully glorified God in man form.Now he sits at God's right hand. He will hear our requests and fight for us. We need only ask. But we must not get a tiny picture of Jesus as his human stay is mostly remembered by we must view him glorified and in his present state. Fear him, he is worthy of our respect and honor.

As the Story goes...only beginning

One thing I love about life is that as you grow older and a little wiser with each passing year you come to the realization that this present is only the beginning. I think back on the year I have had and all the events that have happened within it and I know that as I continually choose to make Jesus Christ the center or my life that each year holds some amazing and wonderful things. I want to in a sense pause and take some time to remember things that happened of note within the year 2006...I'm going to limit myself to as many as I can think of tonight and then take the next days, weeks, or month or so to look at ones of, what I feel and the Spirit leads me to, importance and focus on them a little bit more, giving glory to God for how truly awesome He is and forever will be.

1. Came out of singleness into a beautiful relationship!
-Elise and I are dating and I smile every time I think of this relationship because it reeks of God's control and sovereignty.
2. Found a level of honesty that was deeper and more beautiful than all other forms of it I had seen.
- I got the chance to tell Dusty, Elise, Chase, Evan, and Colin my entire testimony, how beautiful God is in orchestrating it all to a divine purpose.
3. Got daily accountability and an understanding of its purpose within the Christian walk.
- Chase and I got to know each other as 2 talked about but found the importance of friendship and accountability.
4. Began to understand the importance of Jesus' wonderful name.
-For those of you who don't know Jesus Christ is the center of everything, there is power in His name.
5. Began to understand the importance of the Holy Spirit.
-Last winter break and second quarter I studied the Holy Spirit and all that He entails does, and wishes us to do. I found one thing...He is very grieved and very neglected.
6. Began to understand the fear of the Father.
- God the father is surrounded in as much mystery as the other aspects of the trinity I forgot about Him as well and neglected that he is angry and requires holiness from his people.
7. Found an appreciation for my family and a love for them that continues to grow.
-Funny how you don't know what you have till you lose it. Being away from the family gave me a greater understanding of how great and wonderful they truly are.
8. Found how to strike a new balance and deal with change with each season of life.
-For those Christians who don't know life is made up of seasons: good, bad, and incredibly ugly. A new balance must be struck with each one. I found learning this important fact and how to in a sense strike a balance for the things God grants me surrounding circumstance.
9. Found the necessity for prayer, bible reading and fellowship in the Christian body.
-As mentioned above all things must be kept in balance and fit into the season. So it is with 9. We must not neglect a part of this beautiful Trinitarian relationship
10. Redefined my definition of missions!
- Missions isn't simply for overseas, my greatest mission field is my everyday acquaintance!
11. Redefined my definition of friendship.
-Friendships change and that sucks, but God is the only "true" friend and He is all we need. There is a lot to talk about this one...moving on.
12. Redefined my definition of myself and who God made me to be: the work I have the joy to do!
- I forgot who I was because I was making sure I did what I didn't do in high school. I neglected God's viewpoint of who I am...a silly thing.
13. Became much more "liberal"
- Honestly for once in my life I would not be considered conservative, when I am 21 I am going to drink beer. When I am married I am going to enjoy sex. If I had a desire to smoke I would. I am no longer being who other people want me to be...I am being who Jesus wants me to be.
14. Found myself only righteous and worthy because of Jesus Christ's work on the cross.
- I suck let's face it. Jesus is AMAZING. Anything I do is worthless rags; good thing Jesus is AWESOME too!
15. Learned to be okay with silence.
- So I like filling the empty void of silence...honestly not anymore. I am tired of all that I was "supposed to say" and am instead learning to enjoy what God gave and fully embrace the season of silence God has given to me.

I imagine all this is only the beginning of what God is teaching. I imagine He is laying a foundation for future things. I look forward when Kingdom come and I can look back on it all and see how beautiful the big picture is, was, and forever will be...Our God, Jesus Christ, is so frickin sweet.

AWAKE!

AWAKE, our souls! away, our fears!
Let every trembling thought be gone!
Awake, and run the heavenly race,
And put a cheerful courage on.

True, 'tis a strait and thorny road,
And mortal spirits tire and faint;
But they forget the mighty God,
That feeds the strength of every saint.

O mighty God, thy matchless power
Is ever new, and ever young;
And firm endures, while endless years
Their everlasting circles run.

From thee, the ever-flowing spring,
Our souls shall drink a fresh supply;
While such as trust their native strength
Shall melt away, and droop, and die.

Swift as the eagle cuts the air,
We'll mount aloft to thine abode;
On wings of love our souls shall fly,
Nor tire along the heavenly road.
-Wesley

We need not fear, for Thy matchless power is complete. You hold everything in the palm of Your hand. Your timing is perfect, your promises will be fulfilled, answers will come, and miracles will be done. We worry to much. We question too much. May we awake in delight with the morns new light. May we believe things which are far beyond reason. May we see what is beyond our own eyes. May we know Your love...may we know, Jesus.

JG

Joyous Strains Prolonged

Oh thought that warms my mind
Fullest chorus raised to thee
Every knee bowed before thy feet
Our joyous strains prolonged

Wind gently breathing through open windows
So my heart is moving and stirring
Human condition, myriad of convictions
Compelled to praise

If I could sing the words unuttereable
Perhaps the unspoken would speak a better phrase

Hushed, The Hills that roll and sway
Swaying to a higher note
Proclaiming God is king
Hills bowed under the sky

Stillness and silence
That speaks so profound to the heart
Wind gently breathing
My heart is moving and stirring

If I could sing the words unuttereable
Perhaps the unspoken would speak a better phrase

Oh thought that warms my mind
Fullest chorus raised to thee
Every knee bowed before thy feet
Our joyous strains prolonged

Oh echoes of eternity in my mind
Our joyous strains prolonged

JG

Invisible

Invisible, this truth behind the lies
manhood requires the truth

Selfish I see the boy, invisible
Covered in a cloak of lies

deeper and deeper, honesty of circumstance
yet never was your mind true, forever scewed

Always wanting forgetting need
I give up, I am running away
Choices made to forget and not forgive

Solidity I gave yet you had not the teeth
Milk you needed

how was I to know?
you and all your lies

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

slaps in the face
punches and bodies
mangled in the wake

you have to grasp
when will you take hold?

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

I raise these hands on your behalf
but what necessity will drive you to grasp
When will you take hold?

I am amazed at the thoughts God has led me to during this time of silence. I am amazed at what knowledge is there for those who completely shut themselves up and let an uninterupted conversation happen between themselves and God. It seems in life everything becomes scewed when we don't honestly step back from situations and consult with the One who has the better way. How many invisible lies surround us and truth doesn't ripple and resound. Truth is a very silent and subtle thing, it is not mere words.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue in this silence of voice, because the knowledge that is there is very weighty and I know apart from God's strength I can not even hope to carry even the smallest part of it.

Taking time to read over the last years entries here and elsewhere in journals and things I have been coming back to one fact: my childhood faith was better and more perfect. I didn't have the grandiose knowledge I have now about many matters , it was a simpler time and God was still working in his very profound ways, all I did was praise Him for being who He was and I wasn't apart from Him.

I think it is time to go back to that.Although lies weren't apparent and made known they were covered as they are by Jesus' blood and sacrifice and I was able to run unhindered.

Tears flow down this as I write because of many weighty things on my mind which I am not even in part to utter.

This quietness has in a sense made me invisible, I feel one with my God which is the most comforting of moments but I feel the weight of the human condition still and my heart feels pulled by the very gravity that keeps us tied here. I long to depart but for others benifit I stay. I am ready for a change of scenery and a change of any kind. I am so thankful for the One who comforts fully, that His very spirit resides and can warm my very soul in the frigid weather.

So my prayer is that perhaps we might return to the simple and do what God is calling, that there would be fullness of joy in the serving. I pray that everything wouild ripple from the very heart within our being and be of the purest motive and best intent. To Him ultimatley, Jesus Christ, we give all Glory to cause from Him through Him and to Him is all Glory.
JG

Love that drove the Nails

Oh the desire that compels us
And the love that makes us move
Oh the richest of movement
And the love that drove the nails

Oh the hardest of hearts that was shattered
My own hard heart that was so stubborn

Call that compels us
This love that makes us move
Manifest, surrendered we fall
This love that drove the nails

Oh the sweetest and softest of melodies
That could pierce in one blow

Shattered broken on the barren ground
Dirt and mangled face
Blood and nails, bruises and scars
love that drove the nails

One tear He wept
That all tears might be gone
One tear He wept
This love that drove the nails

JG

Still

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Oh the Stillest breeze, and the calmest ocean
Reflection so clear, Radiant beams from Thy holy face
Wonderous stars that lend to the night

With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Wondrous star, lend thy light;
With the angels let us sing,
Alleluia to our King...

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Learning...silence

"if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man"
- James 3:2

"He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.Even a fool when he keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips he is considered prudent."
- Proverbs 17:27-28

No profound thought only Your word...when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart...
JG

Suddenly

Fear perhaps drives these words
These Emotions changing the meaning
Calling, trust, and truth
Falling back I find myself afraid

A thousand titles
Thousands of untitled things
And a thousand yet unwritten

Infinite wisdom, infinite journey
Knowledge understood, desperation
Cups that were to be taken away
But you had me drink this day

Spirit, come suddenly
To the yet unwritten
Written anew

Nothing left
Empty vessels
Fill with fire
No longer circumstance
But suddenly

Somewhere Inbetween fully right and fully wrong

I am reminded today of the fact that hindsight has a way of slapping us in the face.I am reminded all the knowledge we have gained means nothing if it doesn't make the journey to our heart. I am reminded we are so fully right and yet altogether wrong.

I was thinking today in physics class about a lot of things but generally the whole picture of my life, who I am,seasons and the passing of time, good life question things like that and I was thinking over the whole fact of what God is doing within me, around me, and everything else. I was quite overwhelmed by the complexities of it all. How truly wretched my heart has become and how truly right I was once under the spirit's direction and guidance, and how truly wrong I am oftentimes without the spirit guiding.

And I come to this fact: I am fully certain that God has brought me to this season in my life and it is not my own making.I have searched out my heart and I have found I am progressing in my heart and the knowledge that has penetrated it. God has chosen to take away the direction in this season but I am fully understanding more and more each day the overall picture and what God desires to do within me and those things he is calling me to do. Each day I grow more and more at peace with the whole situation.

I am reminded of where I was last year this time, questioning my faith and begining to understand what exaclty this holy spirit was that resided within me. I would say I am not digressing but I am progressing. I may look at the temporary so often and get overwhelmed by it all. But I am assured He is here...in my very midst silent, breathing , ordaining, and moving.

Commitment & Desire

I look to pure intentions of the heart and won't settle for less. So perhaps with new knowledge name changes are in order. Perhaps best friends are simply friends and aquaintences will become best friends.

Guess we'll see...

Final Project Update...

It's hard to believe that the first quarter of school is almost over...honestly I am quite glad it is coming to a close and get the chance to spend some time with my family, I do miss them. This quarter has brought many new things but I believe one of the most important things is it has led me into my major and an understanding of what exactley it is going to take to follow this degree path and more so God's will on the matter. I am jumping into this thing known as architecture...

Our final design challenge was to create a safe new and improved toy that was educational and fun.I decided to go with a block lego mesh that I call N&I blocks: These guys allow movement in all directions and allow you to literally stick blocks together.Pretty cool..huh?