Lonely for the Last Time

It is interesting to find the course and direction that life flows. To see the progression, rise and fall of this mighty powerful river known as life. It is interesting to find myself tonight in a room where I have thrown away all that is unecessary because of a possible move that might happen in the next year or so. I sit in a new room in a sense one of only necessity. I can't help but think though that the reason we love our houses and enjoy being home is the fact that not everything is necessary but there are several layers of unecessity in them. A home is a home because of memories, and the things we did and got to fill up all that empty time known as boredom and all that remains: ticket stubs, paperwork, reciepts, yearbooks, notes, cards, boxes, pictures, and everything else that could possibly fit in your pocket.It is the place where all our junk exists and everything seems to work in unity.

Until we clean up our rooms I don't think we understand though. I ended up throwing away three massive garbage bags full of these things. My walls are mostly bare and in a sense I am moving on toward the unknown toward a path where I can not hide in the room of my childhood and childhood is gone and manhood is dawning, it is a mighty strange change.

The prospect that God has said as of late scares me half to death. He is saying perhaps that I might remain in America not go overseas as I always dreamed, I will stay if God wants but the idea of living in a culture such as ours is honestly... the thought of it is disgusting. Maybe that's precisely why He is calling me to be in the culture here, because I am disgusted with it. This disgust for it will lead me into action.

I was thinking as I was walking up the stairs that the blame that i use to place on the american church is so ill placed. I mean look at the culture, they are simply, desperatley trying to do something that is exciting and do what they can. The heart is so pure they simply don't know how to do it. So few know of the methods to such things.That is why they want the best sound systems, pastors try the newest techniques trying to be relevant and save someone out of their own strength, the best productions etc... and they lose the point entirely. People give out of what they can they don't have time they have money. Our culture as americans doesn't lend itself to true christianity but thank God that He judges the intent not the actual action. I'm sure someone much wiser than I can probably figure out to make it work, but honeslty it is so hard to be a true christian being led by the spirit, fully surrendered in our culture.

We lose all understanding completely in our culture. I want people to return to the way things use to be about 50 years ago where people would show up unexpectedly. Where plans didn't dictate things. Where people were guided by the spirit and weren't so frustrated by the lack of downtime in culture. Where people generally were friendly making friends in every circumstance and were loyal to friends of long ago. Where a conversation mattered more than an A and time spent together was better than that extra couple dollars on the paycheck.

I want people who feel lonely to feel lonely for the last time. I want culture to change. That is the path God has dictated and ordained and I am scared to death to tackle the untangible but with God I can do all things. No idea how, perhaps that is why I have a week and half where there is literally nothing to do. There is another blizzard coming as if the three and a half feet was simply not enough we need another two, gosh. God is forcing me to be still and silent before Him to think how this is going to happen. And where better to think about such things than the room which influenced me so much growing up. God's pretty brillant that way!

JG