Ways and Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a while. I feel like so many blogs begin with that statement. But it really has been a long while. I haven't had the volition to write this quarter between the 18 papers the thesis writing and the 5 substantial books I read. I for the first time in my life grew disgusted with the pen and paper and words in general. Perhaps that is why I wanted so desperatley to get out and do something if anything. Just take a drive. Which I did in plenty.

Tonight on the road up to Fort Collins and back home I got to stop for a bit and think. The first pause, with the first draft of my thesis book done and my thoughts about who I am and what I want to do in this world contained in it.

I got to think about the quarter. About my thesis class. About being largely financially on my own. About being engaged and soon to be married! About where I hear God calling Elise and I. About where God has taken me this quarter. About family and community and how I want my relationships to look in the years to come.

It was a good time of contemplation and reflection.

However, in the interest of time and me going to bed at a descent time tonight I want to focus on one aspect of the a fore mentioned reflection not all of them. Know there is a list I will be attempting to get to over the break of things I really wish to clarify my thoughts on. But one will do for tonight.

The topic is Community

Tonight while I was at the Rock up in Fort Collins we studied through the entirety of the book of Philemon. Although a short book it really packs a punch if you know how to cross reference it properly with the extra-canonical texts that many people don't reference. John did an excellent job clarifying what is a wonderful letter from Paul.

The topic pertained to reconciliation. But the reason I was there tonight is the book contains within it the idea of a community of believers and what they looked like in the 1st century. And its brilliant.

For those who have been asking me questions this quarter which have sadly seemed to be few and far between, about what God has been teaching me and what not , would see a deep pain regarding the community of believers in and around my life.

I won't go into the specifics here because that pain needs to be talked about with those individual persons that caused the pain. But I what I wanted to note is that I found community and more authentic interaction with my thesis class than those believers around me this quarter.

I remember a former student of my professor telling me about how the prof really develops a community with the class. And now I know. The depth of a community of people who didn't know each other and how they can bond over such simple actions from a person.

This quarter in that moment of realization of how community was forming in my thesis class. I realized perhaps that I the one who believed had community down was wrong. Wrong about the way I was approaching community with believers. Because I was finding a deeper community forming than I have ever seen in Christian circles.

And to be honest in this moment looking back I'm not exactly sure how I have the conception of community wrong but I know my conception of community is changing and it has to do with the idea that christian community must be mixed with faith hope and love. If it is to succeed.

Over the course of this quarter I have tried to adopt 2 principles. 1. Not saying anything of wisdom that I am not putting into practice because it then becomes empty words and 2. trying to be beneficial in every action of thing I say or do.

It's made me rather quiet and is largely why this blog probably has little practicality in it but I think it has been good in that my quiet reflection and observation have forced me to actually want to do something rather than just talking about an idea or a theology. Sometimes you just got to shut up stop giving advice and doing things the way you've always done them and reconsider your ways and thoughts. And go out and do!

-JG

A Season of Creativity and Reinventing

I believe it was sometime around noon in the midst of my 18 hr day yesterday that I was sitting in my hammock on my only break throughout the day. I was delighting in the wonderful late October/ early November heat wave that has graced California. And it came upon me that I am reinventing myself.

-John G.

Sin + Action

Q: What if we don't know a true form of Christianity because we were never taught it? How do we as ignorant believers not make this an excuse for improper christian living/virtue but instead live rightly for Christ and His glory?

When we grow up we tend to learn a lot about out deficiencies and let them cripple us . Likewise when we are young we believe in an infinite realm of possibilities: that we can be anything, and do anything.

Christianity is very simply put in the terms above. When one is young we believe in Christ's grandness the ability of him to intersect with the world in extraordinary ways. We grow up realize how untrue that possibility is because of the lack of Christ intersecting with the world in the way we originally thought. And in turn believe it will never happen get upset and moody either leaving the faith or being dead while stuck in empty religious ritual.We forget all possibility because of pride thinking Christ to act in the way He ought preconceived by our own notions.

AND INSTEAD OF ASKING YOURSELF THE HARD QUESTIONS, HONORING CHRIST AS YOU OUGHT YOU END UP MAKING YOUR LIFE MEANINGLESS DEVOID OF CHRIST'S LIFE , AND NOT BELIEVING THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD, THROUGH CHRIST, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF THE WAY.

and sadly we stop in the sorrow and never take off from there.

...

Personally this truth that this question alludes to has taken a long while to sink in. For so long I was the one who was crippled by my deficiencies, overwhelmed by sorrow. But as I have grown I have finally realized life happens outside of just observing and being crippled; Christ's life is taken hold of when we know we can't walk as we ought but are still willing to walk nonetheless into the life out there waiting to be taken hold of if we would just get up. I have got out of my wheelchair and am dealing with this problem to be reckoned with in my ownpersonal life. I am on the cusp of adulthood , marriage, life , career, graduation etc. and I am finally asking myself the question out of shear need "what do all these realizations I have made thus far point to and what do I do with it ? But more specifically" how do I move into this... whatever is to come?"

I see a well intentioned empty pursuit of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ looking for direction. And desire for them so desperately to experience Christ's love joy and delight in the simple stillness of being in the moment with Christ and letting that dictate their action.

They and myself often included are looking for a roadmap and not a leader in Christ.And this is a serious issue

AND HERE IS THE MAIN POINT:

The thing that hinders them and myself included is their inability to go to the word of God and let Christ teach them how to do the new. No one has been successful thus far in this pursuit. Why should that bother us? Christ is victor over all and walks with us. But sadly we are focusing on looking for a guide in the form of a roadmap not a person. When that new is written all over the Word of God and specifically in Jesus. Christians aren't maturing at an alarming rate and I believe it is because we aren't daring to trust Christ in a great unknown. I am willing to dare to dream as a child might in his youth. But no more ignorance. A simple belief Christ is King of the earth and Heaven. Easter accomplished a great deal...and it is truly earth shattering!

JG

In a purity of joy

For a large majority of my christian walk, joy has escaped my best attempts to capture it.

Many do not see the perhaps intense ups and downs I have experience over the course of my life.

This blog perhaps captures it to some degree. But my love of image has kept many from being let into the fullness of who I am.

These blogs have served to capture joy through a pride of my own intellect, an ability to capture truth, bottle it as some might do to a firefly on a long summer night and then show everyone what I and I alone found.

But the truth is most of my blogs were derived from the sermons of those I listen to and not really out of the times I spent with God himself.

The long silence I have recently had in my written work here has pointed out the sin in the blogging.

The lack of revelation and the incredible amount of information that really didn't sink fully into my own heart.

But as I walk into a time where I am making my own decisions more and more for practically all my life now. I am finding what I walk into is a great unknown. And I need that revelation. The old isn't satisfying any more.

But as I discover what it is to be fed into this time. I am finding joy. Beautiful incredible joy. The kind that warms my heart. Stills my steps. And moves me to tears and action.

And all the things I use to do; those things I now see so riddled with the sinful man I was and will always to some degree be. They have trained me extensively for whatever lies in the present. I am no longer overwhelmed by the lack of perfection in myself but on the need for God himself. He has already gone before me. For any type of ministry that I might find in my joy to do. And strangely there is a peace and a surprise at what is happening before my eyes and in my heart : how well I am doing with all the uncertainty.

I am leaning on God. Desperately I am leaning on him. And I am finally seeing who He is.

I can't believe it took me this long to see clearly who He is was and will always be. His love. His overwhelming love. His justice. His wrath. etc.

I am growing up.

I am excited for what comes. Where God leads. And learning more about my wonderful God!

-JG

Waiting for the Fog to Clear

What I would give to hear you speak

A cool breeze: destined to raise the hair on my skin

instead of my will and mind screaming for voice and words

All my instincts have failed me

waiting for the Fog to clear

J.G. Grinstead

His Means

We must all die; we are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God will not take away life, and he devises means so that the banished one will not remain an outcast.
-2 Samuel 14:14 (ESV)

There is clarity , when one is left alone with oneself.
I've been meaning to withdraw for some while now, and the time to withdraw I aloted myself never seemed to be enough. Trying to find ways to get away etc. But God's time was now. His aloted means and way. I see this very clearly now.
There are so many things I understand and that I see clearly now thanks to God's provision in this time.

As a few know, I've been home alone for almost a week and a half now. My grandmother passed away two days ago and my parents have been in Indiana for a while now in respect to her failing and now wilted body. It's just the dog and I. Elise is back in California. And everyone else is well...beginning their various respective journeys back to school. So here I am Sammie and I.

And I'm not going to try to articulate everything here that this time has done. Cause their is no way I can give you the backstory unless you have a few hours or so to sit down for coffee or even better tea.

So I'll try to give some scripture and some thoughts that I have come to as God has led me to with them.

...

...and the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Take the staff, and assemble the congregation, you and Aaron your brother, and tell the rock before their eyes to yield its water. So you shall bring water out of the rock for them and give drink to the congregation and their cattle.” And Moses took the staff from before the Lord, as he commanded him.Then Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock, and he said to them, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” And Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, and water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their livestock. And the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not believe in me, to uphold me as holy in the eyes of the people of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land that I have given them.” These are the waters of Meribah, where the people of Israel quarreled with the Lord, and through them he showed himself holy.
- Numbers 20 :7-13 ( ESV)

Moses, the great Moses, who parted the Red Sea, saw and brought the plauges on Egypt, saw God himself in a burning bush, met God on a mountain who gave him His law for the history of mankind, who appeared beside Jesus in the transfiguration refuses to obey fully and as a result denies himself entry into all that he has worked for because he did not obey fully.

God as holy wants all and if all is what we refuse to give we are not entitled to the promises of God.

Many do not realize that when we accept Jesus it means a total denial of oneself. At the moment of our salvation and every day after we should wake each morning in a surrender of ourselves to God's will alone making him Lord of our lives. If we refuse to I'm not sure it discounts our salvation but discounts what we get to see of God and leaves the haunting question " if we want more of God, than why are we still willfully sinning? And if love is wanting more of someone, do we really love God?"

I like moses have witnessed miracles, things that don't make since apart from my Father, walked in intimate communion with Him. Seen him make ways through the seemingly impossible that only He can make.

Yet this section of scripture reminds me that any sin in my life, is serious no matter how small the detail ,which this time of clarity has revealed a few rather large ones. I need to fully obey or I will not get to experience what God has for me. And if I refuse in the littlest detail I will deny myself his promises.

God's anger burns against my sin...and is only quelled in Jesus. God is still angry with me.

Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
-Isaiah 59 :1-2 (ESV)

I need to remind myself of this

His ways are because he loves me with a love I don't deserve and loves me enough to not leave me where I am at, through means I would never try but nevertheless are the better and best ideas.

Obedience is joyful because of what comes from it. If we see God's love than we will obey. Or we have not known God nor his love.

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.
-1 John 2 :4-6 (ESV)

JG

The Glory of a Colorado Sunset

I haven't been writing much.

It's been strange, yet it's been a blessing in many respects.

It's given me a lot of time to think and continuously chew and process "where God has me" in a much broader fashion, than I normally do. Between the endless hours I have been working in the long silence of the basement, an insight that I normally wouldn't come to has been whispering its wise words to my ear.

"this season is to make you nothing that God ultimately will make something of you"

For those who aren't caught up on my life. I've been pretty pissed for really the better part of year and a half regarding the fact I haven't been able to secure an internship in my chosen course of study before I graduate.

I have succeeded the development of many of my talents to fully immerse myself in my studies as an architect. And its not that I don't have much to offer, I am fully capable of offering a firm something talent wise; but due to circumstance "where God has me" I wonder if I truly have much to offer to the architectural word. And you know that is all in the process of God's work within me. I highly doubt myself, I don't trust in my abilities, in my talents etc. And it is odd to write but that's where God wants me. It's like Moses who was a Prince for his first 40 years on earth, who learned he was nothing for the next 40, and then realized that a nothing with God's help could be quite something and deliver God's people the last 40. I'm learning I am nothing.

This is "where God has me", much like Moses doing a common man's job doing hours upon hours of physical labor with much time of long silence. Not where I want to be, but "where God has me" and where I need to be.

I've been meditating on Lamentation 3:26-29

"It is good that he waits silently For the... Lord. It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone and be silent since he has laid it on him... perhaps there is hope.

And much like Moses whose one of his few and only comforts were his sheep. My sheep dog is a great comfort. I was out paying frisbee with Samantha ( The english shepherd) this evening and I remembered what joy felt like. It was underneath the glory of the majestic Colorado Sunset. Joy, It's a terrible thing to lose but profitable in God's proper time table.

Who knows maybe Samantha will lead me to a burning bush one of these days! Til then though I wait.

JG

Following the Lady bugs

Elise told me to do a little research regarding my little friends who without fail keep landing on me. The research yielded something that I very much already knew BUT need reminded of as often as a Lady Bug lands on me. Where I am at and circumstantially is right where God wants me.

Quiescence (kwē-ĕs-ənts)

referring to a state of being quiet, still, at rest, dormant, inactive.

ARCH 453

So it officially has been a long time since I blogged, it's been a pretty eventful month which I will fill you all in on later but for now I wanted to finish the quarter by sharing the project I did for architecture this quarter.

The project was an ASCA competition proposing an addition to the Salk institute in San Diego.

I will blog soon. I promise.




JG

The problem of Progress, Passion, and Patience

The quarters end always brings something unexpected.

I feel very much as the disciples when Jesus broke the news He is to leave them to give them something greater.

The passage speaks of a truth that is hard to swallow.

I find myself confused as of late asking the question “what” to God quite frequently.

We so often myself included, say “ God we expect you to act and move in this way, why?”

We order to avoid any possibility of confusion.

We exclude the possibility of the unexpected and perhaps rob ourselves of great joy in the truth God is acting for our ultimate benefit.

I’ve has a lot of long nights on my knees, as of late, trying to swallow this truth.

My stubbornness and need to control has hindered a great progress from fruition.

I see this very clearly.

And all the faithful work of my Maker was for me to swallow this truth.

Tonight that truth makes my heart skip a beat. The outcome was worth every tear and painful wrenching of my heart.

If I were to choose to believe, I am no longer a part of that equation.

I may not have realized it but I’ ve been wrestling with my maker for a long while.

I’m finally being honest with myself.

The disciples in their confusion trusted Jesus.

He never ceases to surprise with what He has in store. Every day will be an unexpected turn.

But if we, if I, choose to believe and can manage to tarry in the weight of waiting something great lies in store.

And along that journey there are glimmers of that eventual outcome.

JG

Raw Avoidance

(please read slowly)
Behold, you desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom
-Psalm 51:5

For a long while I've written in metaphors. As if they would somehow offer an explanation to a very complicated reality known as life. When we speak in metaphors we avoid the complexity, truth, the raw emotion and pain that comes from life. WE AVOID GOD COMING IN AND DEALING WITH OUR HEARTS.

The past few months have proved to reveal in me a raw avoidance I have maintained most of my life and a refusal to bring up many issues that deal with my heart. I never let the pain come forth and be dealt with. I've tried for so long to keep everyone out and the pain of the world from affecting me. Building elaborate facades stories and walls that would keep me in my perfect little world. But God desires to make us know wisdom in what we try to hide or unknowingly refuse to let light shine into and change.

The past month or so has been a rather painful one. The metaphors in my life have grown much more complicated, have shattered and have shown just how fragile and unfounded they all are. I'm left with a complexity of issues and heartaches, lots of questions, all silenced by the answer "wait" .

I've been drawn to my knees, I've shed more tears over the sin, the pride, the avoidance of so many things than I ever have.

For the first time perhaps ever in my life I am saying yes to the wisdom God is speaking to my often times hidden heart .
Letting the pain of this life of sin, and my life cripple me in order that God alone may heal me. Letting honesty be the burning coals that disables me from speaking and causes me to fall at my Father's feet weeping.

So I pray " let the bones which you have broken rejoice... sustain me with a willing spirit. May You build the walls where your glory will dwell( psalm 51 paraphrased)"

-JG

1 John 2:12-14

Lesson one, do not hide.
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
and if you have questions we can talk through the night

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
it's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
you get there in time

Lesson three, you're not alone
But since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run
But this will still be your home

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, get there in time

In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
If you ever love or loose your innocence

There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do
And when you need it most I have a 100 reasons why I love you

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, you get there in time

If you ever love or loose your innocence,
just remember....
Lesson one....

-JARS OF CLAY
Boys( Lesson One)
The long fall back to Earth

1 John 2:

12 I am writing to you, little children,
because your sins are forgiven for his name's sake.
13 I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because you know the Father.
14 I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.

-JG

Every Spring

Spring and I have an interesting relationship.

I love and hate Spring, there is always major growth that happens within me at this time of year, yet I hate Spring because without fail I always seem to fall apart in it. Different reasons but same general theme every spring.

Maybe that is why I always seem to get an emo haircut around this time. Or have an emo pic as my profile on facebook...who knows?

Nevertheless, I've been through the "season" of spring enough times to no longer be bothered by the falling apart. I expect it every year and I have learned and know by now: the greatest growth in our christian walks happens when we fall apart . So I very much do love Spring but it is still hard in the various processes God uses to break me and mold me into who I was meant to be.

...

Last Spring I begun the quarter brought to my knees by overwhelming revelation via a dream I had during Spring break. Because of it I axed my worship leader position overnight and took a 50 day sabbatical around Easter. I devoted myself to two things: true biblical Communion with Christ and true biblical Community as Church. I cut out everything that didn't matter or didn't line up with the biblical definition. A lot of lessons were learned in that time about what I needed etc. but I left the season largely crippled not knowing what to do with all the knowledge and how it crushed me about who we as a christian community are and how far we are from a biblical definition. I fell apart by what I saw. I was so crushed by what I saw through God's eyes that I began a very uncomfortable and painful process to let God heal all that.

I was telling a friend, one of the few people I went to coffee with that quarter, that if somehow the sweet brokenness and humbleness of realizing we know absolutely nothing that come from such a time as I was having during that spring quarter could be maintained and sustained within the Christian walk we would see something truly wonderful happen in the kingdom of God.

It was probably the Spirit hinting at what was to come within myself a year later by that thought. But, what I thought at that moment would be the gate to a very long path that I still walk a year later. What I thought at that time a great thing for the kingdom of God to know and experience became a great thing for God to teach me personally over the following year in order that I could convey "the way" through his infinite grace.

And I don't say those two words arrogantly but merely speak them as a broken man realizing that the brokenness that comes by being broken put us in full realization of the greatness of God. And that their is great power when we portray God in the emotional wrecks we are are in in those moment. When we begin to be broken with others something incredible happens. What use to be overwhelming distraught,people coming together in it, becomes a great joy and love for one another. It's breathtaking. By God's grace I'm speaking broken and humbly.

God has me remaining in this perpetual state of brokenness and letting the wounds that come in this time due to be used for His purposes and my further growth as a man of God and the further growth of others men of God as well.

Simply this is a call from God for me to swallow my pride "gird my loins like a man" and let the simple act of brokenness be used by God himself as something to build his kingdom.

Oh Spring!

I'll continue to break down, but I'll always remember it is so very purposeful.

So very very purposeful.

JG

Arise

For about two weeks I have been trying to spit out something here:I have come to this same blank page and time and time again the words have alluded my capture.

Tonight at 2 am they come, though: unexpected as Jesus who rose from the grave, strangely beautiful, in this night where light and illumination break through.

For those few that read this: I have not done a great job of keeping up with you, I apologize, the past two weeks have brought me to my knees more than any period of my life and I find myself at my Father's feet.

It's where I have needed to remain. I'm seeing things clearer than I have ever seen before because of it and my heart both skips a beat at the God who loves me enough to wipe every tear from my cheek and yet breaks in the deepest of pains at the sight of a world who knows not He who desires to pull them out of a deceiving and deceptive death.

And in all this Jesus says" I know your agony mixed with my joy child, remain, and do not be afraid. peace be with you. take courage. I strengthen you( Daniel 10:19)"

"I know that there remains no strength in you, and your breath has given way. All this is true life : in all you may consider death. Remember who I am. The unexpected one."

"Arise child, I'm right beside you"

JG

In Death There is Life

For here in the winter wilderness lies,
A Wall, cracked broken and remnants meeting the dust of the ground:
a reminder of the flood that came

And there is hope, that an undercurrent can destroy a mighty wall
leaving ruins of what once was and truly remain rubble for the many years to come

A restful rubble of hope and testament
to the years He and I fought to bring them down
to make a new path and passage through.

The individual stones now scattered,
from all my rampage,
the little lies I now know to despise

And all the time I was looking for You
But you weren't who I thought you were
you were unexpected mysterious and captivating

I built the wall and am finding all the while you were tearing it down
All the while protecting me from my own wicked heart
All the while I was not letting your life grow

And with my defenses down
I am finally taking the breath of life I was meant to all along!
With my body lying face down in the rubble and dust that I was always meant to breathe.

In death there is life.

-JG

Update on the 8019 project

So it's been a while since I updated here on the 8019 Project, no new videos this time. Sorry, I know they were entertaining and awesome but alas I do not have my video camera with me or a wide angle lens for it so this update will have to be simply pictures and text.

As we last left off on the basement construction adventure, little did I know that between framing, electrical/ duct work, hanging the drywall and there being a room done/ livable much work needed to still be done. There is a lot more that goes into the completion of a room, than I really thought or understood!

I spent a lot of my Christmas break preparing Bedroom #2 and The Recording Studio so that while I was at school these past three month they might be completed and the basement project could enter its next phase of construction during spring break while I was home applying for summer architectural internships at local Denver firms. And believe it or not both are now done. See for yourself!

Currently the bedroom is occupied with extra storage. So technically it is just a storage room but work with me.

Likewise the studio too is now done. It is awaiting unpacking but you can see it is already taking shape!

In our problem solving for the solution to the headache of the where to put all the great room stuff we devised a great idea for storage. Why not finish out the furnace room and make it a sports equipment room as well.

And believe it or not with those three storage areas / another empty non finished bedroom/ bathroom the great room is empty/ workable now.


I'm not quite sure how much will get done over the next three months while I am away but I imagine when I get back the great room may be done! What a thought!

JG

[IN]vertical

As an architecture student I am taught to think a certain way about the world and my engagement in it; to breakdown what most take for granted and analyze it to its purest most metaphorical essence and then transform this into something tangible for others to experience. Most of you who read this will never understand the full complexity of what that means or let alone be able to comprehend this and my way of reasoning. As Elise says there is always a back story to what I write here and you have to understand me and the circumstances thoughts and reasoning surrounding and what I am finding captivating/ takes my breath away at a given time before you begin to understand my writing.

I guess this is why intellectuals put footnotes into their papers, because no one really understands them. So they do their best to trace their reasoning that the common man might follow along.

When I decide to talk about the [IN] vertical here you must understand that the course of my reasoning regarding this subject regards knowledge of my relation to the horizontal vertical and diagonal plane and their specific definitions to me. The vertical plane is the relationship we have with God. The horizontal the relationship we have with people. The diagonal finding God in community and people; this being I believe my best simple reasoning as to how to live my life as a Christian. That is letting God invade into my everyday life and interactions with others.

The [IN] vertical is a downward humble position: a starting point to building a bridge, the very columns that support all the verticals, horizontals and diagonals that allows for true relationship with God. Understanding that He alone is in control of what happens on the other planes and he is the very support that holds all things together. It does not allow for inaction in the christian walk but sees every action as a chance to further strengthen the other planes.

Elise sent me the above picture last night it is of my favorite bridge in the whole world located in Ventura CA. I never realized til this morning why I loved the bridge so much. I understand now! It's because all the members are so strong and the unseen supports on the sides of the highway are unseen yet immensely present but they are mighty and strong.

As Christians we ought to be like that bridge, our foundations must be true and strong. We shouldn't be swayed by trivial matters like the earthquakes that come occasionaly in Ventura, CA. Set your foundations in the [IN]vertical in the downward humble position. Understanding that He alone is in control of what happens on the other planes and He, Jesus, is the very support that holds all things together.

JG

Between the lines

So next week is dead week. I am not quite sure how I found myself the week before it. But here I am. There are so many things to do. So much on my mind. On my heart.

Part of me wants to put it all here. Every burden etc.

Lists. Timetables. etc.

All the scattered actions of my Maker. The lack of knowledge. The collective knowledge of my God

digression.brokenness.lack of control.a closeness to God.

A fore mentioned things you somehow need to know. That mean nothing to you the reader.

Preparation that leads to progress. subtleness. the lines in between.

scripture, a heart. continued presence of God. His desire. profound love.

But I don't write the in between. He does.

So I'll let the lack speak.

JG

Unexpected, Undeserved Grace and Love

I continue to be amazed and utterly overwhelmed by what God is doing in my heart.

How when I am honest with myself, I am stripped to a core of my self that I have not seen for a while.

And, I could be so easily distracted by the lack of responsibility and the even mindedness that seem to have vanished as if I never had such qualities in the first place. But I think perhaps a real heart is being birthed in this season. And this morning I am choosing to focus on that.

Last night I took a walk in the heavy down pour. I had finished most of my work for today. I decided to go out because I wanted to go encourage some guys who were staying up late in their various architecture studios.

I think I am learning how to love.

I could so easily say "I never had that in my own life" and get so bogged down by that lack in my own life that I miss out on the gifts I could give; but to simply love others in the most creative most meaningful ways has such a beauty about it.

I hope we can learn as christians to extend to someone the incredible unexpected undeserved grace and love that we ourselves experienced through Christ.

We learn more in those moments than in all if not most others.

JG

Nothing Cheery about Truth

To be honest...I'm tired. I'm tired of all this endless reading.

How in each step i take in my education here at Cal Poly I learn more about how truly off the world is...how every newspaper I pick up tells me how bad it is...how as an architecture student I am told and asked to critique the world and in turn see it with a deeper understanding of truth.

There seems to be nothing cheery about anything...yet all is truth...and all it seems to hurt.

Sometimes it is too much for my heart to bare.

I slept for 15 hours last night. I think partly cause I didn't want to wake up to a world such as this.

While I sleep the world seems to go on in its endless spiral of dismal decay and I wake with several texts and emails and I feel like perhaps it would have been better if I didn't sleep at all cause then, then I may reach a moment when all this striving would perhaps end for a moment and the world the little I can influence wouldn't be needing me, and in the time they sleep I truly might rest.

The Christian life is hard.

I'm selfish and don't want to give away my time and my energy cause I don't have as much as is required to give.I don't know how to draw from Him in each moment. NO ONE HAS EVER SHOWN ME THAT! Every one is always saying do this or that. Most of it is so empty and meaningless. I want to stay near the only true never ending joy I have found in a set apart communion with God, I've learned more that way than anybody else taught me. I want to just run away into the hills be still and be by myself with God.

Elise said a few nights ago I'm tired of being responsible. I am. I am.

I'm tired of what should be and isn't.

JG

Brotherly Burden Bearing

I think like any other christian who has read of the word of God there stands several verses that either puzzle or tend to frustrate me. Heb 12:14 stands as one this morning. It states in summary that without holiness no one will see the Lord.

I am brought to this verse this morning as I have been wrestling with whether or not we should weigh personal holiness or brotherly love as a higher priority in our christian life. As of late my schedule has been stuffed full with meetings with guys( which I love and enjoy greatly), yet,as a result I haven't had much time to myself and my personal holiness because of lack of time spent in the word has led to several things I am not normally prone to be doing...I believe after some time in the word this morning though I can only do so much.I can't be meeting with 14 guys each week, do school have a girlfriend and maintain my relationship with God. I must learn to say no once again. Personal holiness and time with God is of a far greater necessity than anything else we do and leads us to be able to carry our brothers in Christ as well as allow the non believer to see Christ through what we say preach etc. The holiness and God-relationship aspect must be there or it all falls apart.

JG

5 days

I find it fascinating that when I am doing good with Christ I have this strong desire to recount it here. I shouldn't even be here at this hour anyways, I mean I am getting together with Landon at 7:30am tomorrow and I plan on getting up at like 6am. I am not even sure quite what I want to say. I just feel like being here...you know.

So here we go.

Sunday woke up, showered then drove to church, Elise lent me her car. Elise wasn't there cause she was pretty busy with school work. I was kinda bummed about that. Bryan talked on Ezra 3. It was awesome. He talked about the two types of people who had voices in the day...the discouraging and the hopeful. A good reminder to not be discouraged by the ruins of what had been brought down that we miss what Jesus can do, possibility etc. Saw the same propensity within myself to be so discouraged that I don't do anything. Was reminded that ever rubble needs to be used for His glory too. In church I decided to no longer to be overwhelmed and depressed over the ruins. I chose instead to delight in the possibilities of my savior and what he can do with them. Left church. Joey said hi to me on the way out. I liked that. I miss the guys in the community group. Went to go pick up Elise. Got to her house. She forget where her keys were. Looked for like an hour. Didn't find them. We went to the restaurant we were planning on going to for our date. It said closed for the super bowl. So we decided to take a trip down the coast to Arroyo Grande. It was a nice 75 degree day to begin February. We ate at Chile's. Delicious. Talked about stuff. Went to Wal Mart. I hate that place. Drove back up the coast to SLO and got stuff to study. Went to Linneas cause Peets was busy and studied there. We then went back to my place and studied some more then watched PS I love you. It was pretty realistic regarding relationships, which was refreshing. Said goodbye to Elise and went to bed.

Monday brought a day spent in communion with God. I awoke 6am straight out of a nightmare with Sam and Dillon in it. Not quite sure what that was all about but I began the day meditating on the truths that He was teaching me about not being crippled by the rubble... had a sweet time with God praying and being in the Word. Went to class 8am- noon. Came home for a bit to eat and pray. Headed out at 12:40 to pick some things up at the bookstore. Got to lab. My professor told me he loved my project and i was really ahead of everyone else; he was thinking of sending the next assignment my way, early. Came as a shock. Stayed in lab til 7:30pm walked to Panda express...ran into some mormons...told them respectfully I didn't want to know about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Got food at Panda...everyone was taller than me. Prayed a stupid prayer to be taller. Then went to bible study. We talked about God's faithfulness. Good discussion. Wished we had time to pray more in bible study...glad we opened the bible this week though. Caught a ride back with my friend Kyle. As I have no car...I would have had to have walked. Talked to the roomate for a bit about life and what is going on with him. That was awesome. Went to sleep reading the bible and updating my twitter account. I really need to do that more often. If only I had an Iphone and if only the service wasn't so rediculously expensive.

Tuesday I awoke to Landon's text . I made him lunch cause he wanted to go out to eat and I didn't. I need to be watching my pocket book. Landon left to go talk to the leader of Campus Crusade. I took a shower. Elise stopped by shortly after that. I love her so much. I think I spent most of my time in my room trying to get my stupid printer to spit out the take home midterm. It doesn't feed paper that well. So I had a few hiccups with that. And then an hour later got the papers printed. Scanned some stuff etc. Called the car place for Elise. Enjoyed her company. Her car was ready. Had issues with oil leaking. All better now. Guy came picked her up. I sat outside with her waiting and made sure he was legit. Went back to the table to get some take home midterm done before my good buddies stopped by. Read through the article for that. Kinda depressing. God was begining to tare my heart open. Dan and Kyle stopped by. We caught up prayed ate etc. Then I started writing. til 2am I wrote. I thought. God was showing me all about a new form of slavery in christendom through this secular article. Didn't sleep well.

Awoke Wednesday morning late. Didn't get to pray read the word or eat. I really needed that. Showed up for my 8am class twenty minutes late. Turned in the paper. Teacher gave me a little slack for that. Went to the campus market and got some trail mix. I was starved. I wasn't about that at all. Bugged me a lot, more than it should have. My heart from the previous night was still burdened by the knowledge. I came home lied down on the ground wept and prayed. Overcome with the state of christiandom and the Fathers heart for his children. Sent some texts out for prayer. Elise is wonderful. Showed up for Design lab a little late. Doesn't matter though I needed to be still before God. Professor gave us time to work on the final submittals that were due that day. Worked til about 4:30 got all my stuff printed and brought the prints back to studio. Helped some of the french girls with rendering cool sexy images of their projects... then headed home. Ev and his friend were at the table doing construction accounting homework. I decided to join in and sit down. I mixed some peach snapps with a sprite. Calmed me down a little bit. Enjoyed the roomate's company for the next couple hours. Made dinner and listened to music til 7:30. Then headed out to Unplugged. Ran into Elise on the way. It was spontaneous and wonderful. She dropped me off. Unplugged was sweet. We went through Isaiah and what God did with Hezekiah. Talked about God's faithfulness. Sweet time. Everyone left except christian Michael and Josh. talked to them for a while. Walked home with Josh, chatting about what God is teaching him. He's maturing so much in his walk ...it's so awesome to see. Stopped by to see Randy on the way back home. Caught up. Thought about doing a trip to New Zealand to go surfing. Probably will never happen but again was fun to play out the possibility. Went home crawled into bed and updated my twitter.

Thursday came. Woke. Showered. Elise showed up. We talked for a bit. I was busy cleaning up my roommate's dishes.He's been super busy. Trying to love him best. We then left to go downtown. Stopped by the bank. Went to the post office. Then stopped by Jamba. Elise bought me Jamba. Again I love her so. She dropped my off back at home. Had a good time with the Lord read some scripture and some Spurgeon. I really love the way he writes. Spent time in Titus. God was speaking saying You don't have to be perfect you are made perfect by Christ. First time I honestly saw that. Christian stopped by. Awesome guy. Cooked him lunch. Chatted about his life etc. He left. Cleaned up. spent some more time in the word. Stared out the window for quite a bit. Then decided to take a nap. Woke up. Made some coffee. Ev and I drank the coffee. Chatted for a bit. Then got ready to go to the Compton reunion( Went down to Compton to do some inner city mission spring break sophmore year). Enjoy all those guys. Ev dropped me off at the reunion. We played all sort of fun games. Had some pazookies. Walked back home.Finished a blog about the past five days. Proofread. Went to bed

NIght guys.

JG

Believe again

I saw into your light
I saw into your heart
To see what could have been
And what can happen now

Father, forgive my ignorant heart for not knowing
What You were doing in this land

I choose to believe again,
The possibilities that you can do
To see what could have been
And what can happen now

Sustain me as I join this voyage
And help prepare a way
Your kingdom come
Breath a new fire in this day

Father, forgive my ignorant heart for not knowing
What You were doing in this land

Move my heart to forget my ignorance
To be overwhelmed by grace
Your ever present light
Your ever beating heart

JG

John as a verbal processor

i forget sometimes how valuable the advice of long time friends are. They see through time through the elaborate facades that we even fool ourselves with.

I am reminded of their true value tonight.

Tonight, I felt like I was sitting in some counselors office on a day bed, revealing things I did not know until tonight.

Kyle is awesome. He has a way of doing that.

"has anyone ever truly been silent enough for you to truly speak."

I never knew within lied the capacity to process by the verbal persuasions. But it happened.

Tonight I found out.

He saw it. He heard it.

I heard it.

Passions have faded away to give rise to one pursuit:

Brick by brick disassembling the immensity of the wall that circumnavigates me.

But now that the fortress that I lived in alone for so long lies in large part knocked down , it's time to build something with the piles of brick that lie in the ruins of my city.

Stop being overwhelmed by desolation to see possibility.

I see a great value in such a new pursuit.

Return to passion... to build.
-JG

4am thoughts

Sometimes it feels pointless to go to bed. That is after you have stayed up most of the night. Here I am almost 4 am...still up.

I haven't really stopped and had a sabbath this week things have been rather jammed full of things to do etc.

Landon stopped by tonight for a little bit. I miss his company. He said sarcastically" it's fun growing up." We were trying to find a time to meet this week. Its a shame it probably won't happen with two jam packed schedules.

Friendship, dating, ministry, life its all so very hard. It really is, It's very inconvenient. Its so easy to get lost in your own little world and not care about the people that are around you on a day to day basis. It's a shame but its so easy too.

I'm glad God somehow in this America I live in God has somehow got a hold of my heart and is making it break.

I drove by a homeless person today. I could have helped him out taken him out for lunch you know. I chose not too. I was too busy thinking 1. have to get gas 2.have to put rubber feet on the couch legs so that it doesn't slide anymore on the hardwood floors 3. I need to go to the library 4. I need to take a nap only got 4 hours last night 5. Need to write that paper 6. Need to read. 7.8.9.etc.

Perhaps its the lack of sleep etc. but I don't need any of that all I need is Jesus. He is the only one I need. None of this matters if He's not in it, you know.

And that is perhaps the beauty, the only beauty I can come to tonight is that as christians when God is not in it things arn't right. It's like when someone isn't around...you know things arn't right because you love that person so dearly and want to include every moment with them.

Who are we to deny God His full and utter display of Glory through our lives by the way we live and act:we get too busy to let God into our lives and come to realizations like this where its been too long since we simply all said "God invade my world, invade my life"

I understand perhaps a little bit better through this busy week why America is the way it is.

So I guess this little stretch from 3:40-4am will have to do for my sabbath til things slow down hopefully by Thursday. I look forward to my morning quiet time...God knows I will need it. I also need bare in mind God is with me all day through...

In about 2 hours I will get up. The irony of resting now when I am still awake making sure not to rest to long.oh life!

JG

10

Life has been thoroughly enjoyable as of late. California has been blessed with a heat wave which has made almost two weeks of solid 70-80 degree weather. One would think winter found a new mask named summer. But again, perhaps its just the nature of California and the central coast to be so nice, I haven't made up my mind on that one.

I am taking 13 units for the first time in college. That means three classes. No classes Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mon-Wed tends to be a little jam packed, but gives me about 4 days each week to sleep, read, hang, etc. and as of late enjoy the sunshine and wonderful weather. I am just simply enjoying life! Which needless to say although I classify myself as a diligent disciplined person, over the course of my college career I still haven't had this much time to do these things until now.

And it's just nice.

But the week has not been totally undiciplined: the past week has yielded much clarity, in specific regarding God's viewpoint on who I am and things that need to be worked on. I'm going to list them here in hopes to set them as a reminder to myself.

1.The word of God needs to be put foremost above all other literature and christian activities( 1 peter 2:2)

2.The word of God needs to be a guiding light to our prayers.

3.I should not be afraid of misinterpreting/misunderstanding the Peters and Timothys to the point I do not read them or engage such texts, in turn missing the whole of Scripture. Every book was included in the cannon of the bible for a reason.

4.God does not care what method we use as long as it is backed up with scripture( look up Edwards and the sermon" sinners in the hands of an angry God" and particularily note how he preached and to what frequency he preached that sermon.It challenges our preconceptions of how God would work and that their needs to be passion etc.)

5.The disciplined intellectual mind is a gift and has the ability to loose Satan's ability to work in such a man. But every sin small or great will inevitably allow him to gain a foothold.

6.Many a christian will seek to empty their minds and have no logic in hearing God's voice and wish to be puppets of his will. Such a thing allows the enemy to come in and invade our thoughts and lives. Free will is, therefore, there for a reason and God cannot invade our minds directly he desires us to actively participate in what He is doing bringing our whole being into His will action and relationship.

7.The church is still God's vehicle but something drastic and great must happen within it regarding holiness- the throwing out of sin, pride etc. and God's word must be revered and followed in order for it to be what it ought to be. But that happens within each individual. God will work desperately to get us to this point, even to the point of the breaking of large organizations/ churches.

8.True holiness can only come for an act of the will.

9.God's love is vast and truly wonderful, yet because we do not believe that within our hearts, instead, viewing God as a taskmaster(Judging God) we can't convey his whole being to others and in turn our relationships with the lost suffer as well as their salvation.

10.There's a lot of undiscerned frankly bad advice given in christian circles. One best learn how to discern through it. Read God's word the bible!

I think that will do for the list, for now.I will stop with this note:

The week has been very freeing. Lists help. There is so much of who I am that is in desperate need of redemption. But if we find a way of action to redemptions end, finding ways to navigate in the great darkness of the journey it gives way to hope joy faith and love. And peace too!

-JG

Arch 451 Boards

I forget to post things some times. I guess, I was so amped on the walkthrough last quarter I forget to post these. Here are the board submittals for last quarter.

JG

Silent-self

If these words were music and music could speak as it often does it would speak of a time of wait. No words, just an interlude of sorts. It is beautiful, but words being interjected into it. It feels so unnatural.

And I am waiting for that perfect word to say…to speak. But I know not those perfect words.

If I am not to just do in these words, but do rather that which is most important in them and with them it will be to do very little with them at this time.

I’m waiting and being faithful in the meantime to do follow and heed and see what comes.

JG

To Belong

Perhaps its just an observation of society as a whole, and maybe its being back in california knowing where I belong. Or maybe an observation of what I was so encouraged by last night. I feel like I belong here though.

And it's just one of those desires that I have. That you have too...that is to belong.

And how exactly to belong, its not that clear cut. But you know when you have it, and you know when you don't.

I know I have it, yet not quite sure how I got besides God's providence.

And perhaps its not about the blueprint but about feelings,emotions, and the mind that sings in chorus with the knowing.

JG

Thoughts from the chair...

Last night I sat in my bowl chair...pondering and praying what might come of this quarter. Somehow trying to grasp such an intangible thing. I was reading architectural theory: the inability of most to write and view things outside a single piece of time. Dealing with what was never quite said but definitely the underlying meaning in the 23 page work: discernment.

A lot happened as I sat there last night though. My thoughts were drifting and not at all in that moment yet as God normally does God used it : there was quite a bit of honesty that was self spoken in that moment...this one surfaced

I am so far from where I feel ought to be.

But it did not come from a feeling of guilt or obligation it came out of love.

Maybe it's this dream a few nights ago that was breathed straight from the holy spirit...a much needed word...but it's been lingering like a indefinite sustained chord upon my mind. It was one of the dreams.

There was this man in the dream who spoke. But he spoke of what begun in that bowl chair last night and what the lessons of the present age are to be. That always tends to freak me out. That our God still speaks and directs and knows us well enough to speak of that which we most desperately need to hear and the laying out the tapestry of time before our eyes.

I always write from a moment wishing to capture it so distinctly but in that bowl chair I found myself realizing for the first time really that the Christian's role is not to capture a moment, it's not to stand in the middle of such a raging river. God captures each moment in perfection and doesn't need us to catalogue such a genious perfect thing... there can be no full understanding no historian christian that deals to God's movement in a place.

I will always be chasing as long as I write, record and capture. But to be fully in the middle of any moment it means that we are at the center of something far greater and in full recognition of it and participating with it.

So I sat there in that bowl chair in that moment and found myself in a moment of history and future. In desperation hoping to in that moment find how to fully engage myself in that stream.

It's gonna be an interesting quarter for sure.

JG