I love and hate Spring, there is always major growth that happens within me at this time of year, yet I hate Spring because without fail I always seem to fall apart in it. Different reasons but same general theme every spring.
Maybe that is why I always seem to get an emo haircut around this time. Or have an emo pic as my profile on facebook...who knows?
Nevertheless, I've been through the "season" of spring enough times to no longer be bothered by the falling apart. I expect it every year and I have learned and know by now: the greatest growth in our christian walks happens when we fall apart . So I very much do love Spring but it is still hard in the various processes God uses to break me and mold me into who I was meant to be.
...
Last Spring I begun the quarter brought to my knees by overwhelming revelation via a dream I had during Spring break. Because of it I axed my worship leader position overnight and took a 50 day sabbatical around Easter. I devoted myself to two things: true biblical Communion with Christ and true biblical Community as Church. I cut out everything that didn't matter or didn't line up with the biblical definition. A lot of lessons were learned in that time about what I needed etc. but I left the season largely crippled not knowing what to do with all the knowledge and how it crushed me about who we as a christian community are and how far we are from a biblical definition. I fell apart by what I saw. I was so crushed by what I saw through God's eyes that I began a very uncomfortable and painful process to let God heal all that.
I was telling a friend, one of the few people I went to coffee with that quarter, that if somehow the sweet brokenness and humbleness of realizing we know absolutely nothing that come from such a time as I was having during that spring quarter could be maintained and sustained within the Christian walk we would see something truly wonderful happen in the kingdom of God.
It was probably the Spirit hinting at what was to come within myself a year later by that thought. But, what I thought at that moment would be the gate to a very long path that I still walk a year later. What I thought at that time a great thing for the kingdom of God to know and experience became a great thing for God to teach me personally over the following year in order that I could convey "the way" through his infinite grace.
And I don't say those two words arrogantly but merely speak them as a broken man realizing that the brokenness that comes by being broken put us in full realization of the greatness of God. And that their is great power when we portray God in the emotional wrecks we are are in in those moment. When we begin to be broken with others something incredible happens. What use to be overwhelming distraught,people coming together in it, becomes a great joy and love for one another. It's breathtaking. By God's grace I'm speaking broken and humbly.
God has me remaining in this perpetual state of brokenness and letting the wounds that come in this time due to be used for His purposes and my further growth as a man of God and the further growth of others men of God as well.
Simply this is a call from God for me to swallow my pride "gird my loins like a man" and let the simple act of brokenness be used by God himself as something to build his kingdom.
Oh Spring!
I'll continue to break down, but I'll always remember it is so very purposeful.
So very very purposeful.
JG
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