To understand "Father"

So the snow is falling once again. Two blizzards happening in a sense one after the other is a little bit odd. I would say that defies coincidence and obviously in the way that God has to slap me in the face with circumstance, these blizzards are very purposeful.The question obviously is why? But I have stopped asking questions of God because He has stopped answering because it is time to let Him question me. My flesh hates it but it is born of necessity.

Before the snow started falling hardcore this morning I got the chance to get out on my own for the first time since the first blizzard happened and get some errands done. I was thinking what exactley God did with this year and I was like woah that is pretty gnarly.he has given me an understanding of "Spirit" God in its place this year and then also given me an understaning of Jesus in His "right"ful place. I imagine there is far more to understand about the trinity but the one aspect that continues to baffle my comprehension is "Father God." Granted I don't think we can understand Him in His fullness because granted He is Father God, and no one has seen Him in His fullness while still in their flesh. Honestly, though, I would love to understand "Father" God. I know in order to I need to be blameless before Him which I am through Jesus, but I need to be without blame and sin before I approach Him I must declare a choice and keep that decision forever in my heart. That is going to take some work.

I was also thinking this morning that My belief in Jesus as who He is portrayed by the bible is unmoveable now, there is no doubt in my mind He was who He said He was and is who He says He is still. That is fact in my mind. That part is so solid now, and that is honestly very strange to have that aspect of my mind unmoveable. I don't know what made it so solid, it baffles me. It appears God has given me a lot of uninterrupted thought without questions and time to devote myself to sanctification wholly and that is such a wonderful thing.

Oh lord that I might understand the fullness of who You are. That through Your questions I might approach You, as who I am in You, declaring a choice to be blameless in Your eyes, not of my own accord but through Jesus: gift to me of the spirit that dwells within me. I would rather have You than anything else, I declare my choice, and shout fullest praise to You. Pierce this heart that Your nails might only take one blow to saturate. Be still my heart and be kindled and burn. May this snow melt in Your time, that ripples might take place in the water that is to come. Through You Jesus.-Amen

JG

Lonely for the Last Time

It is interesting to find the course and direction that life flows. To see the progression, rise and fall of this mighty powerful river known as life. It is interesting to find myself tonight in a room where I have thrown away all that is unecessary because of a possible move that might happen in the next year or so. I sit in a new room in a sense one of only necessity. I can't help but think though that the reason we love our houses and enjoy being home is the fact that not everything is necessary but there are several layers of unecessity in them. A home is a home because of memories, and the things we did and got to fill up all that empty time known as boredom and all that remains: ticket stubs, paperwork, reciepts, yearbooks, notes, cards, boxes, pictures, and everything else that could possibly fit in your pocket.It is the place where all our junk exists and everything seems to work in unity.

Until we clean up our rooms I don't think we understand though. I ended up throwing away three massive garbage bags full of these things. My walls are mostly bare and in a sense I am moving on toward the unknown toward a path where I can not hide in the room of my childhood and childhood is gone and manhood is dawning, it is a mighty strange change.

The prospect that God has said as of late scares me half to death. He is saying perhaps that I might remain in America not go overseas as I always dreamed, I will stay if God wants but the idea of living in a culture such as ours is honestly... the thought of it is disgusting. Maybe that's precisely why He is calling me to be in the culture here, because I am disgusted with it. This disgust for it will lead me into action.

I was thinking as I was walking up the stairs that the blame that i use to place on the american church is so ill placed. I mean look at the culture, they are simply, desperatley trying to do something that is exciting and do what they can. The heart is so pure they simply don't know how to do it. So few know of the methods to such things.That is why they want the best sound systems, pastors try the newest techniques trying to be relevant and save someone out of their own strength, the best productions etc... and they lose the point entirely. People give out of what they can they don't have time they have money. Our culture as americans doesn't lend itself to true christianity but thank God that He judges the intent not the actual action. I'm sure someone much wiser than I can probably figure out to make it work, but honeslty it is so hard to be a true christian being led by the spirit, fully surrendered in our culture.

We lose all understanding completely in our culture. I want people to return to the way things use to be about 50 years ago where people would show up unexpectedly. Where plans didn't dictate things. Where people were guided by the spirit and weren't so frustrated by the lack of downtime in culture. Where people generally were friendly making friends in every circumstance and were loyal to friends of long ago. Where a conversation mattered more than an A and time spent together was better than that extra couple dollars on the paycheck.

I want people who feel lonely to feel lonely for the last time. I want culture to change. That is the path God has dictated and ordained and I am scared to death to tackle the untangible but with God I can do all things. No idea how, perhaps that is why I have a week and half where there is literally nothing to do. There is another blizzard coming as if the three and a half feet was simply not enough we need another two, gosh. God is forcing me to be still and silent before Him to think how this is going to happen. And where better to think about such things than the room which influenced me so much growing up. God's pretty brillant that way!

JG

The Glass Metaphor

It seems God has blessed me with forty minutes or so. I feel as the Spirit leads this should be enough time to reveal matters of God's teaching in my own life.

God has been encouraging me with the metaphor of a glass. The glass represents our life.

We fill this glass of our life with many things. But God wants to have all the contents of this glass. He is a very jealous God.

God has been teaching me about idols. I heard a story from one of my brothers in Jesus about going to India and he asked a native believer "have you gone to america" she replied" yes." He asked her " would you go back" she replied" no, I could not stand the idolatry" I think we don't see the idols in our culture. I am not going to list any because if you were to honeslty look and care you would see.

I am not God. I have not been given a gift of pastorship annointed by the holy spirit. Until that point I will encourage you to go to God, to see Jesus as who he was, and is currently. I will stop trying to play God and get rid of all pride I have and boast in nothing more than the very cross that saved this wretched sinner.

Until we are ready to be fully emptied and give God every molecule and ounce of our glass of life He will not accept it. As revelation 3:15 says "because you are lukewarm I will spit you out of my mouth"- Jesus. He wishes we would say yes or no fully.

I do not expect many to say yes fully, I pray there would be more but I do not expect so, I desire so.

Anything that we as a culture place above God and devote more time and energy to is an idol. God wants all.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God:Not of works, lest any man should boast.For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

eph 2:8-10

I want to point out verse ten especially because we neglect it in our conversion of "sinners" as christians. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." We are God's workmanship, created upon the time that we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts. God has given to us many good and wonderful things to do, and it is as verse 8 says it is" a gift of God", that no man should boast. The problem I see is that we do not heed the last part" God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." It is a choice to follow Christ day in and day out and it is a choice to be and do good. To be as Jesus was and be holy as He is fully and perfectly.

It our choice to empty the glass fully, the Spirit will help but He will not do all the work because it was before ordained by Him so that we might walk. Me must choose to walk the path ordained before the dawn of time, day in and day out.

According as he hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love
-Eph 1:4

My prayer is that we would make the choice to be fully empty,. It is no walk in the park. It is a walk through a desolate wildereness with no water given until torrential down pour comes when our souls are fully tested and tried, when the Spirit fully baptizes us individually and with no one else present to encourage or help.

The path is uncharted, the destination not so certain. But this is what God has ordained. I choose to walk in the ordained, will you?

-JG

Thaw

Cloud that stirs and swirls around me
that rippled of perfect sight
No longer a perfect reflection
this present truth

More difficult to take in each breath
Your words more amazing with every billow,
Each passing hour a smaller grain
the waters ever more still

Finding myself blind,
speechless, yet not believing
Hearing rumors of White
Yet you stay silent

Ice of my heart
thaw and melt away
Be gentle Raging Fire
kindle this
bring about something better

Oh endless winter inside my mind
I hear whispers of the warmer breeze
Desiring the hourglass might find a faster way
This winter wanting Spring

Ice of my heart
thaw and melt away
Be gentle Raging Fire
kindle this
bring about a better day

Endless Impossibility
I am not about to let You go
Frozen, cracked and parched
Lord let me thaw

Breath on my heart
Let it beat a little faster,
one more day in Love
Let the next season be Spring

JG

To Love the Season

I love Christmas...it's one of the few times the church body gets it right: making Jesus the center of it all. Granted, we lose the point amidst the business and hub bub of it all and make it a ritual rather than a desire but generally I believe this is one of the few times during the year the american church gets something more right than wrong wether they realize it of not. The world for about a month revolves around the birthday of Jesus. I think that is pretty cool... He is so awesome.I mean honestly, the fact that Jesus would humble himself to the point of being a baby, one who burps, poos, and wets himself. I mean that is amazing the kind of love and the humbleness that he went through while here on earth. That is something to throw a big party about: we are no longer under eternal death!

I want to change my view a little bit from the typical though and focus instead not on baby Jesus but instead glorified Jesus. This image strikes me. Revalation 19

"And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him [was] called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.His eyes [were] as a flame of fire, and on his head [were] many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.And he [was] clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies [which were] in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.

I finally have a different picture in my mind of what exactley Jesus looks like not as a baby but as fully glorified. I mean honestly think of this: Jesus here is going to war and his army is all in white. That image is so utterly captivating. I think we have a tendency in this season to see the Baby not the Glorified. I am reminded with this blanket of snow that has recently fallen in my home state that Jesus is going to battle and his army is in white! Pure, untainted, unstained white!

Think of the implications of this, that Jesus when he fights he need not us. He fights! He gets the job done!

We should take this season to focus on the amazing fact that Jesus came as a babe. He humbled himself enough to death on a cross. He was raised from death and became fully glorified God in man form.Now he sits at God's right hand. He will hear our requests and fight for us. We need only ask. But we must not get a tiny picture of Jesus as his human stay is mostly remembered by we must view him glorified and in his present state. Fear him, he is worthy of our respect and honor.

As the Story goes...only beginning

One thing I love about life is that as you grow older and a little wiser with each passing year you come to the realization that this present is only the beginning. I think back on the year I have had and all the events that have happened within it and I know that as I continually choose to make Jesus Christ the center or my life that each year holds some amazing and wonderful things. I want to in a sense pause and take some time to remember things that happened of note within the year 2006...I'm going to limit myself to as many as I can think of tonight and then take the next days, weeks, or month or so to look at ones of, what I feel and the Spirit leads me to, importance and focus on them a little bit more, giving glory to God for how truly awesome He is and forever will be.

1. Came out of singleness into a beautiful relationship!
-Elise and I are dating and I smile every time I think of this relationship because it reeks of God's control and sovereignty.
2. Found a level of honesty that was deeper and more beautiful than all other forms of it I had seen.
- I got the chance to tell Dusty, Elise, Chase, Evan, and Colin my entire testimony, how beautiful God is in orchestrating it all to a divine purpose.
3. Got daily accountability and an understanding of its purpose within the Christian walk.
- Chase and I got to know each other as 2 talked about but found the importance of friendship and accountability.
4. Began to understand the importance of Jesus' wonderful name.
-For those of you who don't know Jesus Christ is the center of everything, there is power in His name.
5. Began to understand the importance of the Holy Spirit.
-Last winter break and second quarter I studied the Holy Spirit and all that He entails does, and wishes us to do. I found one thing...He is very grieved and very neglected.
6. Began to understand the fear of the Father.
- God the father is surrounded in as much mystery as the other aspects of the trinity I forgot about Him as well and neglected that he is angry and requires holiness from his people.
7. Found an appreciation for my family and a love for them that continues to grow.
-Funny how you don't know what you have till you lose it. Being away from the family gave me a greater understanding of how great and wonderful they truly are.
8. Found how to strike a new balance and deal with change with each season of life.
-For those Christians who don't know life is made up of seasons: good, bad, and incredibly ugly. A new balance must be struck with each one. I found learning this important fact and how to in a sense strike a balance for the things God grants me surrounding circumstance.
9. Found the necessity for prayer, bible reading and fellowship in the Christian body.
-As mentioned above all things must be kept in balance and fit into the season. So it is with 9. We must not neglect a part of this beautiful Trinitarian relationship
10. Redefined my definition of missions!
- Missions isn't simply for overseas, my greatest mission field is my everyday acquaintance!
11. Redefined my definition of friendship.
-Friendships change and that sucks, but God is the only "true" friend and He is all we need. There is a lot to talk about this one...moving on.
12. Redefined my definition of myself and who God made me to be: the work I have the joy to do!
- I forgot who I was because I was making sure I did what I didn't do in high school. I neglected God's viewpoint of who I am...a silly thing.
13. Became much more "liberal"
- Honestly for once in my life I would not be considered conservative, when I am 21 I am going to drink beer. When I am married I am going to enjoy sex. If I had a desire to smoke I would. I am no longer being who other people want me to be...I am being who Jesus wants me to be.
14. Found myself only righteous and worthy because of Jesus Christ's work on the cross.
- I suck let's face it. Jesus is AMAZING. Anything I do is worthless rags; good thing Jesus is AWESOME too!
15. Learned to be okay with silence.
- So I like filling the empty void of silence...honestly not anymore. I am tired of all that I was "supposed to say" and am instead learning to enjoy what God gave and fully embrace the season of silence God has given to me.

I imagine all this is only the beginning of what God is teaching. I imagine He is laying a foundation for future things. I look forward when Kingdom come and I can look back on it all and see how beautiful the big picture is, was, and forever will be...Our God, Jesus Christ, is so frickin sweet.

AWAKE!

AWAKE, our souls! away, our fears!
Let every trembling thought be gone!
Awake, and run the heavenly race,
And put a cheerful courage on.

True, 'tis a strait and thorny road,
And mortal spirits tire and faint;
But they forget the mighty God,
That feeds the strength of every saint.

O mighty God, thy matchless power
Is ever new, and ever young;
And firm endures, while endless years
Their everlasting circles run.

From thee, the ever-flowing spring,
Our souls shall drink a fresh supply;
While such as trust their native strength
Shall melt away, and droop, and die.

Swift as the eagle cuts the air,
We'll mount aloft to thine abode;
On wings of love our souls shall fly,
Nor tire along the heavenly road.
-Wesley

We need not fear, for Thy matchless power is complete. You hold everything in the palm of Your hand. Your timing is perfect, your promises will be fulfilled, answers will come, and miracles will be done. We worry to much. We question too much. May we awake in delight with the morns new light. May we believe things which are far beyond reason. May we see what is beyond our own eyes. May we know Your love...may we know, Jesus.

JG

Joyous Strains Prolonged

Oh thought that warms my mind
Fullest chorus raised to thee
Every knee bowed before thy feet
Our joyous strains prolonged

Wind gently breathing through open windows
So my heart is moving and stirring
Human condition, myriad of convictions
Compelled to praise

If I could sing the words unuttereable
Perhaps the unspoken would speak a better phrase

Hushed, The Hills that roll and sway
Swaying to a higher note
Proclaiming God is king
Hills bowed under the sky

Stillness and silence
That speaks so profound to the heart
Wind gently breathing
My heart is moving and stirring

If I could sing the words unuttereable
Perhaps the unspoken would speak a better phrase

Oh thought that warms my mind
Fullest chorus raised to thee
Every knee bowed before thy feet
Our joyous strains prolonged

Oh echoes of eternity in my mind
Our joyous strains prolonged

JG

Invisible

Invisible, this truth behind the lies
manhood requires the truth

Selfish I see the boy, invisible
Covered in a cloak of lies

deeper and deeper, honesty of circumstance
yet never was your mind true, forever scewed

Always wanting forgetting need
I give up, I am running away
Choices made to forget and not forgive

Solidity I gave yet you had not the teeth
Milk you needed

how was I to know?
you and all your lies

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

slaps in the face
punches and bodies
mangled in the wake

you have to grasp
when will you take hold?

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

I raise these hands on your behalf
but what necessity will drive you to grasp
When will you take hold?

I am amazed at the thoughts God has led me to during this time of silence. I am amazed at what knowledge is there for those who completely shut themselves up and let an uninterupted conversation happen between themselves and God. It seems in life everything becomes scewed when we don't honestly step back from situations and consult with the One who has the better way. How many invisible lies surround us and truth doesn't ripple and resound. Truth is a very silent and subtle thing, it is not mere words.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue in this silence of voice, because the knowledge that is there is very weighty and I know apart from God's strength I can not even hope to carry even the smallest part of it.

Taking time to read over the last years entries here and elsewhere in journals and things I have been coming back to one fact: my childhood faith was better and more perfect. I didn't have the grandiose knowledge I have now about many matters , it was a simpler time and God was still working in his very profound ways, all I did was praise Him for being who He was and I wasn't apart from Him.

I think it is time to go back to that.Although lies weren't apparent and made known they were covered as they are by Jesus' blood and sacrifice and I was able to run unhindered.

Tears flow down this as I write because of many weighty things on my mind which I am not even in part to utter.

This quietness has in a sense made me invisible, I feel one with my God which is the most comforting of moments but I feel the weight of the human condition still and my heart feels pulled by the very gravity that keeps us tied here. I long to depart but for others benifit I stay. I am ready for a change of scenery and a change of any kind. I am so thankful for the One who comforts fully, that His very spirit resides and can warm my very soul in the frigid weather.

So my prayer is that perhaps we might return to the simple and do what God is calling, that there would be fullness of joy in the serving. I pray that everything wouild ripple from the very heart within our being and be of the purest motive and best intent. To Him ultimatley, Jesus Christ, we give all Glory to cause from Him through Him and to Him is all Glory.
JG

Love that drove the Nails

Oh the desire that compels us
And the love that makes us move
Oh the richest of movement
And the love that drove the nails

Oh the hardest of hearts that was shattered
My own hard heart that was so stubborn

Call that compels us
This love that makes us move
Manifest, surrendered we fall
This love that drove the nails

Oh the sweetest and softest of melodies
That could pierce in one blow

Shattered broken on the barren ground
Dirt and mangled face
Blood and nails, bruises and scars
love that drove the nails

One tear He wept
That all tears might be gone
One tear He wept
This love that drove the nails

JG

Still

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Oh the Stillest breeze, and the calmest ocean
Reflection so clear, Radiant beams from Thy holy face
Wonderous stars that lend to the night

With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Wondrous star, lend thy light;
With the angels let us sing,
Alleluia to our King...

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Oh the stillest night, Oh this perfect night,
How Glorious the heavens are
Expanse stretched so far
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Learning...silence

"if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man"
- James 3:2

"He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.Even a fool when he keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips he is considered prudent."
- Proverbs 17:27-28

No profound thought only Your word...when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart...
JG

Suddenly

Fear perhaps drives these words
These Emotions changing the meaning
Calling, trust, and truth
Falling back I find myself afraid

A thousand titles
Thousands of untitled things
And a thousand yet unwritten

Infinite wisdom, infinite journey
Knowledge understood, desperation
Cups that were to be taken away
But you had me drink this day

Spirit, come suddenly
To the yet unwritten
Written anew

Nothing left
Empty vessels
Fill with fire
No longer circumstance
But suddenly

Somewhere Inbetween fully right and fully wrong

I am reminded today of the fact that hindsight has a way of slapping us in the face.I am reminded all the knowledge we have gained means nothing if it doesn't make the journey to our heart. I am reminded we are so fully right and yet altogether wrong.

I was thinking today in physics class about a lot of things but generally the whole picture of my life, who I am,seasons and the passing of time, good life question things like that and I was thinking over the whole fact of what God is doing within me, around me, and everything else. I was quite overwhelmed by the complexities of it all. How truly wretched my heart has become and how truly right I was once under the spirit's direction and guidance, and how truly wrong I am oftentimes without the spirit guiding.

And I come to this fact: I am fully certain that God has brought me to this season in my life and it is not my own making.I have searched out my heart and I have found I am progressing in my heart and the knowledge that has penetrated it. God has chosen to take away the direction in this season but I am fully understanding more and more each day the overall picture and what God desires to do within me and those things he is calling me to do. Each day I grow more and more at peace with the whole situation.

I am reminded of where I was last year this time, questioning my faith and begining to understand what exaclty this holy spirit was that resided within me. I would say I am not digressing but I am progressing. I may look at the temporary so often and get overwhelmed by it all. But I am assured He is here...in my very midst silent, breathing , ordaining, and moving.

Commitment & Desire

I look to pure intentions of the heart and won't settle for less. So perhaps with new knowledge name changes are in order. Perhaps best friends are simply friends and aquaintences will become best friends.

Guess we'll see...

Final Project Update...

It's hard to believe that the first quarter of school is almost over...honestly I am quite glad it is coming to a close and get the chance to spend some time with my family, I do miss them. This quarter has brought many new things but I believe one of the most important things is it has led me into my major and an understanding of what exactley it is going to take to follow this degree path and more so God's will on the matter. I am jumping into this thing known as architecture...

Our final design challenge was to create a safe new and improved toy that was educational and fun.I decided to go with a block lego mesh that I call N&I blocks: These guys allow movement in all directions and allow you to literally stick blocks together.Pretty cool..huh?

YOU ALONE

Sheltered in your wings
I can find all my strength
Being hidden in YOU ALONE

And I raise these shackled hands
knowing I am led by YOU ALONE

YOU ALONE are everything I have ever needed
YOU ALONE are the kind that I seek
And YOU ALONE are whom I cling to

In your wings and through your strength I am able to become strong

In YOU ALONE I seek my refuge, in YOU ALONE
With all that you have given for this new day

YOU ALONE have made the greater plan and YOU ALONE have given circumstance

YOU ALONE are the only one I have ever needed

In the second year of my release
love showed to the one which first loved me
to YOU ALONE

Unwavering devotion

I've heard it said that you don't really know what you have til you lose it. I remember Jesus telling a parable of the lost sheep. That although he had a hundred he would go out searching for the one. I strongly believe in regards to friendship that we are to be like this shepard who goes out searching for that lost sheep. We in unwavering devotion go after those to whom no one else knows is missing because it is alone our responsibility.

Honestly these words are hard to write because that has been what I have been doing for a long time being unwavering in my devotion to people and all the things friendship entails. Showing in a sense love to someone that was never shown love. I did this in high school with my girlfriend of three years giving her all my love and devotion that I could and in the end seeing her realize that the God of the universe was pursuing her and loved her. I did this with a lot of friendhips by simply just listening to them.

There is however none of this for me besides God and Elise.

The Ironic thing I find now is that to the one that cannot hear, she hears me best and listens best. To those who have ears that function properly take a lesson from the deaf who listen better than you. Ask questions and see what people have to offer besides simply letting them listen to you.

I know american culture doesn't lend itself to anything besides self gratification but perhaps things could change if you simply let God do what he does best, change the unchangable. I met one guy who is coming to Cal Poly next quarter that actually knows how to talk to people, listen and ask questions. I wonder what that relationship holds.

As I am finding out about this whole initative thing, God is teaching me that perhaps just getting me to do something was the step I needed to take. I needed to become what I never was: a man of initative. Not listening but letting my frustation build into speech and action .In this initative towards friendship in every form and fashion I am finding that God has infinitley more people for me to in a sense befriend. And honestly with everything that is going on I am no longer waiting for friendships of old to rekindle, I will let them when and if they do, but for once I am not waiting. I am in a sense seeing what God has placed in regard to means to good friendships. Perhaps as was the case last year it can grow and be the friendships that God can do wonderful things and provide in wonderful blessed ways through.We'll see! They will take time to grow but once grown they are truly beautiful things.

JG

Stop saying Christ, Proclaim Jesus

All around us God is always moving, never stopping, never growing tired, pursuing people with a passion uncontained. God is doing this and many refuse to believe, even us as Christians refuse to see this fact. But who could blame the lost when we don't know as christians how to lead them to God, because we don't know who God is ourselves.

I am simply amazed that for so long I thought I knew who God was, but did I know the Jesus that was accurate according to scriptures, i relied on so many others opinions of who He was not truth that He himself spoke. I was listening to a sermon last night that pointed out so many points that we as Christians forget about.

I think it honestly boils down to the American Christian looking beyond himself or herself towards what the world is really like and having enough knowledge to see that there is a lot of truth in the world just not complete truth. The pastor brought up the point that Jesus is the way the truth and the way, and ultimatley He is the only way but to think that out "religion," christianity, is somehow better than all the rest I am coming to believe it is not. The only different thing in most of the main world religions is their perception and belief of who Jesus was. Morals and goodness and all that is generally the same.

Our salvation is based on Jesus and our belief of who He is, accepting the price that he gave for our sin. I firmly believe that He is the Son of God, raised from death, our payment for sin, our death, to those who believe He is who He has said He is, part of the triune Godhead, made a man to die for sin.

The thing I find most fascinating is that in the midst of making toys in my architeture class I am finding that my mind is returning to things I haven't remembered in years about my childhood. For those of you who don't know I spent an extensive amount of time during middle school searching out who exaclty God was, and all those beliefs that different people in the world believe about certain aspects of God etc. I saw this Charcter, Jesus, who made these unique claims" I am God", "I take away sin" etc. as radically different and uinque because unlike cults that have a leader that they believe to be God, this "cult" lasted longer than all the rest and is still going strong, worth and investigation I thought so. This Jesus character resonated the most with me and holy scripture spoke the most to me so I chose to pursue this Jesus character fervently. But I realized after a while of this that perhaps this whole Jesus charter coming to earth was about God wanting so bad to restore the realtionship. It was about accepting the relationship that Jesus made possible and finding myself empty without that.

Years down the road I am finding myself returning to the simple understanding I had back then.I find we as christians have screwed up what we understand and are so easily swayed by a partial truth world. We are too busy, and too lazy. Shouldn't if we are helping and hoping to lead people back to this God that so passionatly pursues us and them don't we have an obligation to know ourselves who this God is and where they can locate this God and how he chooses to show himself.

We need to tell them what we know and not make it comlicated. If Jesus is not mentioned in the worship songs and not mentioned in the sermon, how do we expect the lost to know what we are so excited about. I want Jesus' name proclaimed. We think people will ask the right questions all the time but we need to adapt to our culture: a culture currently that doesn't know how to ask the right questions.

We need to be in the world. That means going to parties( doing those things we never would do) and not sheltering ourselves in Christian bubbles. No one is righteous no not one. Our only spotlessness comes from Jesus and his love shown by the Cross. We need to be Going out and seeking out the lost they can't and don't know how to seek us out as Christians. We need to be different we need to be radical be like the God that presented a message so profound so unique.

= (pause)

Left here in this stillness
in the midst of a circle of stones
change is on the wind

Right here in this silence
in this moment things have stopped
change is on the wind

Great and mighty wind
Cracking and making the mighty mountains bow
and this great mystery
of what remains and what will be redefined

Left here in this stillness
in the midst
letting me go
letting me grow
evening breeze

Right here in this silence
in this moment
The mountains will bow
the valleys shall grow
meeting the host of heaven

Do what You will
No more change of plan
Do what You will
I can no longer stand

Great and mighty wind
Cracking and making the mighty mountains bow
and this great mystery
of what remains and what will be refined and redefined

There are seldom in life moments where everything seems to stop: all the chaos that seems to be in my head and all noise of any sorts. I can recall only two of these times in my life where I heard God so clearly that everything seemed to fade away and I was simply in His presence. Those are the moments I love.

I happened across one of these moments this weekend in the midst of the ride up. Everything seemed to stop and everything was still and wonderful. The world seemed to be working together in beautiful harmony.This is where in part I penned this song. In that beautiful moment.

I have no divine revelation to share. I am being refined and redifined, it is a beautiful thing... a personal not a public thing...a wonderful thing.

JG

The Pursuit of Woman and the forgetting of other important things

I wonder how often we do forget about those things that did once matter to us beause we are pursuing other things. I know all things in the christian life are a delicate balance and by no means is it an easy balance to keep. Yet I see so many around me forgetting about those things that once mattered to them, they are consumed with a certain signifigant other. They change their character to someone to fit the liking of the other person and leave everything a little more tangled up because of it.

Granted God uses woman to change men and make them better individuals in the cliche saying " you complete me." But to neglect everything else to run towards a woman, there is something wrong with that. God will most certainly use it but we could save ourselves a lot of trouble as men if woman were a +1 to things and not a minus everything plus one thing.

Maybe I believe in the +1 philosophy too much and believe friendship too important to forget about it because of some signifigant other. And granted I have yet to find someone that cares as much about me as I do about them except Elise, I like her a lot "she completes me." But although I am still pouring out in an extent to a lot of people I am not going to abandon it for someone that completes me. Maybe that is stupid but I believe you can't devote yourself soley to something you need to manage a lot of things. That is the way life works, if you set yourself up with only one foundational stone if that should collapse you are left totally ravaged and collapsed.

I am so glad the Jesus Christ is the perfect cornerstone.

As we learn in structures everyday it is okay to put unessecary struts in because it covers up should you have some mistakes. We are so imperfect in every way and need some extra struts in there because of our flaws and mistakes. Christ should be the cornerstone of our lives all the time because he is the perfect foundation, we should rely on that but it is not realistic for most. We need those other foundational stones like good friends, signifigant others, family etc.. To only have one and neglect the others can lead to not good things.

My prayers are with those people that are forgetting. All I know is that should they not have a foundational stone in Jesus Christ things will collapse sooner or later, those other struts may be able to hold them up for a while but it won't last forever.

Sometimes we as christians do need to let go and let the forces fall upon Christ the cornerstone not the other struts. But know there are imperfect motives in the world and sometimes people need us.

It is all about balance and keeping Christ the cornerstone... the perfect one.

JG

Sunlight ascending

As for what the day will bring
As for the dawn breaking
As for this morning soon to begin
Standing in this darkness
clinging to what I cannot see

Sunlight ascending against an ever present darkness
Will I be faithful to an ever faithful God
Will I remain steadfast to difficult calling?
and who is this that I cling
could it not be my everything?

The day has broke
I find myself here
I find I must let go
and every moment
a little easier to see

free to be
unhindered as light
piercing this darkness

Ablaze for God
in devotion that consumes
Love that glows
and joy that radiates
the Son inside of me

free to be
unhindered as light
piercing this darkness

...I am free

Barefoot

So this whole season is difficult. It is honestly really hard. But tonight writing this I want to thank God for the faithfullness He exibits day in and day out in sustaining me. Although I normally complain about this matter He has blessed me and is stretching me in ways that are wonderful and necessary.

Last night I found myself in tears for the first time in a while. I am simply exhausted with ministry and I am hardly doing anything which daunts me. To think that my independence is being stripped away in this transforming time. It is painful beyond measure. This is a new season for new lessons and it will look different but there is hope that somewhere in the future I will get the hang of it and things will look brighter and be more beautiful because of it...

I awoke this morning only to find that the tears I had fallen asleep to still left their emotional stains in my mind and heart and it was going to be a long day. Yet talking to God this morning and praying that He would use the day for his purpuses made all the difference.

I ended up working in the shop most of the day doing about 100 or so dovetail joints. Needless to say at the end of this mind numbing manufacturing process I wanted to do something fun. So I came home to an empty house and I was kinda bummed. Being carless this year has left me naturally helpless to meet anybody and must therefore rely on their schedule. No schedule aligned with mine this evening so I spent two or three hours at home alone.

Like I said before I am not content in the whole fact that as I have known myself for so long I am independent. Yet, God is calling me to be dependent. This is hard for me. God is changing the very core and being of who I am and I am bitterly resisting. I hate myself for this fact that it wages war inside of me. Thank God, though that through His provision I am able to stand in the midst of this fight and even have good days. He is more than faithful!

So for the first time in my life I actively sought out help from other people. I called literally all those people in my life that I call my trusted friends and one came to my my rescue and we went to go escape. I look at the day, now 1:54 and although it may have been what I would use to consider a bad day, it is exactley what God had planned for the day, and because of that fact it is truley wonderful.

Earlier this evening I found myself up on a huge rock with Colin above the shoreline. I found myself barefoot and simply quiet. It was the first time in a long while that I took my shoes off and went walking without any hinderance between me and the ground.

In describing this season I must say that I am most certainly barefoot. I am more prone to be hurt by the rocky ground. Yet I am able to feel more wholly not only seeing and imagineing what it feels like. Without the sense of touch for instance how can you gain knowledge like how does it feel. There is something missing in our definition of life if we forget to simply experience it in its fullness, all five senses.

I must somehow get it through to my head and heart that this season is about gaining knowledge that I never could, if I were simply in the last season. There would be a gap in my being, something missing that is being made complete by this season. We may attempt to not allow ourselves to be hurt, what I did in the previous season of my life, but unless we fully dive into things you cannot learn about them by simply learning about it. We must experience them.


I find myself with this conclusion tonight: don't limit God in his healing abillity to heal the wounds that the rocky jagged slippery terrain can cause. Dive fully into the things God is putting and calling you to in your life. Give yourself wholly to what you are involved in. Embrace the season and worship God with a passion that is undying. All or nothing. Be willing to go barefoot into life willing to know and discern better what is around us..we may be hurt but God can mend the broken heart.

JG

Project Toy

So in studio we are designing and building toys for needy kids...this is pretty awesome. This has gotten us back into the mindset of childen. As expected from that we have been having a blast in studio. I thought I would share some of the photos here of what we are doing and because we are having a whole bunch more fun than all the other studios...enjoy...

Instead of doing actual concrete casting why can't we just learn from waffles. It's prettymuch the same...


Like I said back into the mindset of childen. I'm sure there is some elaborate lesson to be learned but I will wait for completemness with this one...

Oh...Ministry 2

I would like to apologize, foremost for not clarifying myself in my last blog on ministry. I would like to make some clarifications here...

1. God is totally overhauling my view on ministry and by no means is the work complete. Therefore some of my views are not complete yet and I have large gaps and holes in them that don't seem to make sense. There are two apparently different seemingly contradictory things The Spirit is teaching me about that somehow go together and it makes sense in my mind but I cannot clarify it to the degree it need to be at this present time. I will not have a grasp on this stuff for a while. The things I said I hold fast to because that is the path my logic took to get to the end result and conclusion.That are what my blogs are simply the thought processi and thought provoking things. Forgive me while I am prone to jump the gun on revealing things and be in sin and not offer a complete overview. I should be waiting but until this transformation is over within me I will not be able to offer a concrete definition on ministry.

2. I understand fully that last year I thought I was so mature in my faith only to find out now there is still much ground to be taken. I ask myself several times how could I have had such wrong perceptions about some key things, I understand I may be doing the exact same thing here.

3. Take God's word not my words and let them speak to you. I hope my writing only stirs people to question things for themselves and seek out God in their own lives and spur them on to a greater love of Jesus.

4.The path God has me on is a more radical one than I initially thought. Forgive me while I only care about my father's preception of me not those around me.

JG

A random pic to lighten the mood

I think this is awesome!
JG

Oh...Ministry

It seems the chaos that seems to fill my mind a lot as of late has finally materialized into something. I find myself tonight ready to write...to fill the blank spaces that are all around me with an awakening in a sense within me. I will not forget that God still has much more awakening to do within me, but I will be content on this plateau before the next hill.

There has been something stirring within me as of late...mainly my christian approach to minsitry and my heart condition. In the season I am in God is calling me to a complete redirection within myself: transforming all of who I was and still in part am whether good or bad. He is making all things new. He is calling to me to do all things new.

The biggest lesson has been simply that it was never about the converts it was all about ourselves all along. That will probably seem a paradox to some because we have a tendancy to care so much about people's perceptions of us, we lose sight that perhaps we should be spending less time caring about what people think of us and more on how God views us.

Matt and I have begun talks on the the triune nature of God as of late and he asked a very perplexing question " does every aspect of the trinity love everyone?" After some pondering and some prayer here are my thoughts: God is by nature angry and only loves those who are redeemed those who love Jesus, this is shown by a father loving his kids more than every other kid, Jesus loves everyone regardless of slavation status, he died for everyone. The spirit is the interesting one he doesn't even love christians occasionly. He loves those who are in a process known as sanctification those christians that are growing and moving closer to Jesus.

We need to honestly consider this we are loved by God and we are not loved by God. The only thing that matters in this life is us and the internal revelation that is happening and overflowing out of us as christians.

This is what God has been teaching me about ministry it's not means of doing it, it is about "the mean" by which we can minister.

This way is simply letting the hate and love of God for us compel us. It says in Hebrews 12:14

"...be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. "

It says that unless we are holy we will not see God. We cannot hope to see God work, we cannot expect the spirit to move unless we are being a holy people. We are not called to condemn people but to work on the plank in our eye before we go out and condemn people for the speck in theirs. This is ministry...ministry foremost should be about santification and discipleship spurring each other on to holiness.

15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.

18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]

22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."


That is the beauty of the community we are in here in SLO. It is not about those who are mature, it's not about the weakest . It is about us as a group of believers being in real fellowship and experiencing the life God intended us to experience. Spurring each other on to real holiness and letting that be the water that drives this storm that is coming.

Granted we have some major work to do as a chrisitan community here...but I know once we begin to realize that we are a body not individuals we begin to understand humility and we begin to understand what exactley God is calling us to as a people. He is calling us to the personal relationship not the public. Letting Him dictate and judge us not others.

I love that fact...it's about letting go in order that we might gain more...it is a beatiful and effective surrender.

oh...Pride

This morning I found myself at Motana De Oro, a state park on the central coast of California. It was misting and quite chilly but Elise and I were determined to finally take a day for ourselves and do something fun. Little did we know that God as normal would speak through the rediculous. This is the perspective of a snail...

"Little did I know that I could find myself so lost in the middle of the woods so far away from a source of water.There is nothing but dry dirt surrounding. The storm the night before had blown me here and I find myself disoriented not knowing where I can find myself the essential necessities to live, I am so lost.

It's been hours, I am crippled by the distance, I must return I am determined. I hear the ground rumbling perhaps something is coming to my rescue to return me back to the water. I think it sees me...

I hope it sees me...

The big creature is carrying me in his hands, I am scared that perhaps it may not have my destination in mind. I am willing though, rather than face death to let anything happen to reach the water.

I am still in the strange creature's hands perhaps we will reach the destination soon. Rains pour down. I can hear the sound, on the barren ground. I can hear the waves so close yet so far away...

It seems he is carrying me toward the ocean but why haven't we reached it yet?...

...bloop."



I think all of us can take a lesson from the snail's perspective. The storms of life come and we get so blown off course from where we should be. I would say of these three lessons that I am writing about pride, ministry, and friendship this one has been the hardest. To actually let people teach me and minister to me is a hard thing. To finally let go of my pride and let someone else carry things for a change. Little did I know that by not accepting this I was like the snail so far away from home.



To most of my close friends I have told them that God was calling me to the horizontle plane during this season, an honest first. God was calling me to devote to friendships and people in an intense focus. Little did I know it would entail actual friendship not some arbitrary concept. God answered that prayer by allowing me to realize who my true friends are and that I need to be poured into too. I can't always be an unending source of water for people when my spring has sprung a leak and needs to be shut down.I remember praying a while back that I can't continue pouring out in the same way I have been. I was like the snail so far away from water that I was in a sense slowly dying, hardly functioning because I had no water for myself or in my eyes worse yet, for others.

I was letting pride get in the way. I am a control freak and want everything to be done my way. Who are we to think that we are any better than anybody else enough to dictate things? We all own the same wretched heart redeemed by grace. Like I said in my blog yesterday it has been a lesson in letting go in order that I might grow leaning on Christ alone and his sufficiency in my life, his greater grander plan. It is better yet that way. I am holding together only by his grace and providence in my life.

As for letting go I spent a whole day in a sense doing nothing with Elise.



..It has been one of the best days of my life.

God doesn't call us to a life of sole ministry we get burnt out that way. He calls us to in part enjoy what he has given us. To take delight in his providence and good grace. He is more than worthy because of this fact alone.

JG

Oh...Friendship

These next couple blogs I want to recount to remember what exactley God has taught me during the time in which he took me on an unexpected detour to work some things out within me. I want to focus this blog on friendship but moreso the next couple blogs on three exact issues : friendship, pride, and ministry. This is in a hope of finally coming to terms and realizing the extent of these lessons in my own life.

I must say that the lessons God has taught me about this particular subject about friendship have been incredibly difficult.It is hard to take away all of one's perception about certain subjects and replace that. God did that and it was a ride.

The living situation this year is so good a pure joy, and I honestly have no complaints. I live in an apartment with three awesome guys one kitchen, one living room, two bathrooms, and four bedrooms.

This is Rory he was in my wow group last year and we just clicked although we were totally different people, he is a music major.





This guy's name is Evan I consider him my best friend in the whole wide world, he is a construction managment major.






This is Matt he was my best friend's roomate last year, a computer engineering major. These are who I am living with this year. It isn't anything like a dorm you enjoy each other's company and you see each other and really have to live with each other and are forced to get along or face the consequences. I consider it is a blessing to be living with all these guys.

















Evan and I have had a little bit of a culture shock with the circumstance God has placed our way and its been awesome to learn how to work through everything God gives us together. By leaning on each other and the friendship that has given us we are able to make it through. I will note two things though that was preventing us from leaning on each other as brothers in Christ. One we were afraid to bring up issues that we didn't want to talk about, we should only fear God not the response of people. Secondly we were also upset to accept that we can't devote all our time to each other anymore there is responsibility and other things that we do need to focus on.

This girl's name is Elise, she is the love of my life, my other best friend. God has called this to be my other focus. It has been difficult managing all the time that God has given me to do with what I will and delegate and distribute it responisbly. Thanks be to God who through an easier architecture class this quarter I have had more time to devote to people like Elise who are so truly wonderful.

I thing the biggest difficulty in friendship this year has been simply having enough time to enjoy eachothers company. In a sense letting go enough so God can do His things and we can find pleasure in His ultimate greatness. It's been difficult to accept that perhaps God wants us to work towards something better and bigger than ourselves but not have the same responsibility because of the way our lives look and the difference between this and last year. We are meant now in this season to be devoted to a few and pour into them and let that pour out to a few. and pour back into us. It isn't about simple nonstop ministry its about simply letting God do what He wants to do letting go to grow closer.

I believe it is in preperation for the real world where you can't have hundreds of friends you have a few. The challenge is making every moment purposeful, making sure that what God wants is being done with the time given us. I still have a lot of work to do with that but I am making things simpler. I am devoting myself to my apartment and Elise and not being upset that God has called me to only four people for the most part. I will enjoy all the other friendship when time dictates and God calls me to but I am letting go of some in order that I might have a stronger bond and better friendships.

JG

Back to Simplicity

So this past week in particular has been one of the most difficult draining/ most emotional weeks I have experienced in a long while. Infact it has been a really draining month and half since I have been back to school and such.That time was characterized by many things I have not been able to find joy in which is rough for one who can't control his smile oftentimes. After some really rough conversations with God and a little bit of spiritual warfare and a lot of honestly just crappy things in my life all happening at once I come today to this computer in a peace and simplicity that I haven't had in a long time,probably since my intial conversion.

I do not feel a need to write long because the words I will write will not change you it will be those times you spend with your Savior and love Jesus Christ. I will say something to you, though and I hope the lack of words will make note of how important this is to me and what God has told me. "Shut up, live simply and love Me. Use the circumstance in your life to point back to Me and who I am." That's the secret to life right there. Love Jesus, and simply believe Him to be who He is and forever will be. That is it. Let simplicity flow back into you.

JG

Waiting Room & This Road

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
-Shane & Shane


All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through
-Jars of Clay

When You are near

There’s no need to say a thing,
When I’m before you in this silence
I feel refreshed with peace
Break this noise that binds the voice
That tries speak open up my eyes to see
Your gracious sovereign reach

It’s hard to talk when I feel that you are near,
When all is quiet it’s the beauty that I hear,
This hidden place where I know that you calm my fears
I know that you’ve washed my tears

The seasons of change I’ve faced
Have never left me wounded
Only scars of hurt
But never deeply rooted
This healing I have felt
No burden can replace
Redemptive hope has been the story of my pain

All is lost without the breath of life you give
And you give so much
I want nothing more than you so here’s my heart
-Jeremy camp

As Every Tear

As every tear wets this page
and every stormy day joins the larger sorrow
and every raindrop joins the river
flowing indefinitely

As blue sky nests in clear view
like a paintbrush, across the blue sky
seeking the next horizon
going forever on

this dessert pen records
every grain of sand
and every new way
that old is written to say

Oh the landscape that were writ with these tears
and oh the emotions which were once contained
every word meant something
oh the old silent longing

When words no longer needed to be spoken

Oh this night that falls on this wilderness
in the dessert time and lone roads
As the day breaks soon to set away
in beautiful misty light

Oh the echoe of these pines
discussion of matters I hardly knew
to find I am broken needing you
to find I am lost in only you

Words no longer need be spoken

Something Surrounding Circumstance

I am amazed at the ability my emotions have to wage war against me. I am amazed at how things I thought I never would struggle with have come to cripple me more than any other. I am amazed that God would be able to bend us back even straighter than before.Praise be to the God of restoration. The God of the new birth after the most horrible death.

If you don't know God has put me in unique places all my life. Through God's grace alone have I been able to be adjustable to the divine stretching that God wants to do, and by no means has it been easy. I will repeat again nothing of myself contributes to this I have only prayed and made decisions and the choice to be stretched. Apart from that I have done nothing but simply been available for His use.

Last night was one of the worst and best nights in my recent past. God stretched me in ways I couldn't can't and until heaven will probably never fully begin to comprehend. He bended me back into the shape He wants for me for this time place and season. Now with some realizations that I am very uncomfortable with and some direction that I am also uncomfortable with I have gained an understanding and something to write about.

There is something surrounding circumstance that we don't seem to get as Christians we look to everything except those things that will help. We let circumstane dictate things rather than a steadfast unchanging God. This must stop! We must forever be seeking out the face of Christ. Like Peter I was for so long looking at Jesus literally walking on water having wonders be done around me but then something happened, I got sidetracked by a little thing called circumstance and began to sink. Praise be to Jesus who rescues when we are sinking in deep water.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy,from my foes, who were too strong for me...the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me...For who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God ? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...You stoop down to make me great...therefore I will praise...I will sing praises to your name...unfailing God."

-psalm 18

Isn't that a God we should desire to whole heartedly pursue!As Evan would say "DUH"! I believe fully we lose sight of that.

"Lord here I am again in a dry and barren hole, a place where nothing can speak to me but this deepness and despair. Yet I can still see the light You so willingly offer and it is the only thing that gets me through. I am parched in desperate need of You. I know this all has purpose and I await what You will do with these circumstances and realizations..."

It is amazing that God could do such a transformational thing over the course of five hours last night bringing me out of darkness into full light. I learned above all else from last night that I give too much of myself. God is teaching me to play the bigger game be a player not an architect. He is teaching me the little leagues before he realeases me on the bigger ones. I guess it is all really about submission, making peace and having enough faith to believe God is who He is... unfailing.

You think I would get that by now but it seems the simplest lessons need to be retaught again and again.

We need to learn to make Jesus Friend foremost, He is always there for us always wanting to talk always willing to listen and wishing us to get better spuring us on to a deeper love and a deeper longing for and possesion of abundance of joy. He is never about all the stuff we as Christians make it about. He is simply about growing together, experiencing abundant life together.

We lost sight of the big picture. Circumstance can get us down. By no means am I saying life won't have its ups and downs yet when you know you have someone there that is the Friend of all Friends you lose sight of everything else. Your desires become His and His become yours. There is a beautiful thing I like to call divine flow. We lose sight that every molecule, every drop is beconing us back to the streams which lead to the river and those rivers which lead to bigger bodies of water.

Everything in the Christian life is simple we make it too complicated. It is all about Jesus. It is all about Him. Having His heart within us and letting that love that burns undying like the radiant sun reach out and warm this cold and dying world. Refall in love with Jesus...He is more than worthy to be called friend.

Strings

strings that play in a different way
improvising and singing with the sway

oh that one should break and cause more need
but soon to follow the sweetest of melody

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

and with swell and sway, the rise and fall,
moving and dancing, newly contained

could it be that the new page is far better than the old
to adapt and change, to lose and gain

that the season should change and cause us to bring
not something but to lose all we are

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

...written more beautiful then before

In Context

There is definatley a tendency within the Christian walk to forget certain aspects on very important issues. We forget often times that we need a seed to grow a tree. We expect everything to be done by an instant God, not the God of the whisper as 1 kings 19:12 talks about.We expect out gospel to go out almost instantaneously without any work. I must say tonight I am a little reluctant to write this one in fear of the implications it does mean for my life as well as yours and the fact I might piss people off but I will let the Spirit go before me and convict. It is a step I must take...Christ is calling me ...to be real...to be honest...to know who He has made me to be. I hope Christians everywhere will be able to for once live in context...

I find tonight words in my brain rattling and clanging simply saying "in context". I found myself saying" once again with this God, why?" So here I find myself tonight at the desk where miracles will be and have already been recounted simply trying to understand two simple words" in context."

It is a long held belief and observation of mine It is far easier in the Christian walk to fall into being irrelevant than to be unique. I find myself when I relate to Christian men and women having far more to say than to a dying generation that my words are far more needed by. I find myself desiring to just simply being able to relate. How? As all things in the Christian faith and walk it happens inside of your heart, it has and always will be about the heart condition.

Earlier this week I found myself asking the question on my knees why if this Spirit that You gave us is so majestic, so wonderful, so beautiful, so powerful, than why are we not all Yours why do we seem to be so out of phase with the lost. And I understand spiritual warfare and all that and that we do suck and all that and we are all torn into two the moment of our birth and our new birth. But I find myself simply thinking that Jesus Christ gave all of himself left Earth to give us the very Spirit of God to be within each of us, the very thing angels gaze and wonder about and what have we done with this? Instead of working on the inner temple we built even massiver outer temples in the forms of idols, churches, etc.. We build glorified walls and we have such a propensity as people to focus so much on the outer that we entirely forget the inner! What a wretched thing!

The only reason I believe the church,the relavant transformational community, is growing so heavily in Asia is because they know simply that there is a difference between soul and spirit because of the eastern religion that is native to the region. They understand the spiritual realm because they have seen the manifistation and power of the unseen. They know that is the only way to "enlightenment" they focus on the very subtle yet oh so imprtance difference of soul spirit and body. They take time to focus on the internal. Is this something we could learn from? Maybe spending a little more time on the whole "enlightenment" thing spending alone time with the God who whispers to us?

Our culture doesn't lend itself to knowing yourself until honestly college and we as Christians need to know who we are in the slightest hope of understanding who God is. God is calling us to be relevant to an ever changing culture. Not changing the beautiful Gospel but radically being a unique inspired, surrendered people. We must be in context. We must heavily know that we are three part in beutiful echo of God himself(1 thess 5:23). You are "spirit soul and body"in that order each one needing to be focused on.

We are Spirit.This is the inner court of the temple of who we are(1 cor 3:16) a place beyond understanding. All activities in the temple are directed by this place the revalation which happens in the utter silence and quitness of this place.It is the Holies of Holies where the Spirit of God indwells us. It may seem to us that nothing is done in the Holiest Place becauase it is pitch dark. Yet all thing revolve around this...

We are Soul. This is inbetween the spirit and the body.It must be noted that like God we cannot focus on one aspect of his character or we lose sight. We must foremost focus on the Spirit.

We are lastly Body: It may appear that everything revolves around the outer plane of who we are. But little do we know how the physical plane is influences by the spirit of certain men.

We must realize all this. I found myself a couple months asking myself is there only one way to getting closer to Jesus just as there is only way to salvation? After much thought I believe generally there is only one way. The only place you will change is when you choose not to focus on the outer rather the internal. For those of you who don't journal START. For those of you who don't know your tendencies FIND THEM OUT! We are wretched people covered by beautiful masquerades. There is a value to knowing who you are apart from the mask. Honesty is profitable in all ways and areas. The only reason I believe we find ourself in the prediciment we find ourselves in is because of you and me and are focus on the body rather than the spirit . We don't know who we are and in turn don't know who He is...we must grow in the understanding of who He is...we must in order to reach the lost.

JG

Right that you should fear Me

Tonight I find myself reluctant to check out my sources about what God is doing in the grander scheme. I see what He is doing here and my joy has come unhindered and in fullness. I fear though that this Great God I serve if I were to look into His outpourings gaining a reflection of who He is was and forever will be, getting closer to that True Picture, I would surely die. I am amazed at God who has only begun the miracles I have begun to see here. Giving a voice to the voiceless and healing in miraculous ways for others.

And as I hear my roomate refreshed and renewed from this amazing weekend, singing praises to the king and knowing certain "secrets" I simply want to cry because God is so good and so faithful and I have only begun to see the grander scheme that God will continue to play out and show me throughout my life. And as I find myself finally begining to understand my propensity to praise gains stronger with every moment and I am consumed.

Lord You have only begun. You have granted us Your desire above all else. And You alone are fulfilling it Lord, We praise you Jesus.

JG

the morning...

When flames dance and beauty sings
When the heavens open and this heart sings
When in perfect dance and perfect note
When golden reflections start to billow

And these ashes in the middle of the night
They stir like whispering feathers

And candles lit in the dead of night
That would burn to a passion uncontained
With fragrance of incense in the air

A journey on beaches that once were black
Now glowing in the morning break
The night has become the dawn

Under starry skies
A new song has begun to be sung

The morning…
JG

4...2...90

This silence, this ever present shadow
These reflections and this upsetting balance
It creeps into my soul,

Dare I tare myself apart, by not
Dare I be reckless
Dare I throw caution to the wind

This haunting darkness, and this new man
These frightening dreams, and creppy things
It wars against my soul

Dare I be a radical
Dare I transform
Dare I be different

This knowledge that I hold,
And that knowledge I’m to gain
Must it come about this way

Dare I be, what you are calling me to be?
Dare I do and dare I be
the man God has begun to change within me…

Divine Inspiration from unlikely sources

It seems God has a way of revealing the most divine and God given inspiration from the most rediculous things. This weekend God gave me some inspiration from the ducks at Hume Lake. Here's what God taught me through the ducks.

I wrote this in my journal this weekend

" It seems there are times, when you just get it. We finally understand what God has been trying to teach us. Tonight I find myself in that place , It finally makes sense. To think my perspective of Your desire could be so off!"

The thing I understood tonight that I haven't been getting is that I am not supposed to understand, I am not supposed to place plans for God to do.I am not supposed to magically figure it out through my intellect or blogging. He said specifically this weekend "why are you here(1 Kings 19), why are you on your knees asking Me questions, just simply delight John. Forget about understanding fall in love with Me once again, "simply shutup and listen to my whisper".

This was my prayer:

Would you help us comprehend what it means to worship You
‘cause we're blinded by our circumstance
Heal our eyes today

May we know Your love; feel it course through our veins
Encircling our hearts and embracing our souls
We need Your love and grace to remain, to rearrange our hearts
And change the way we praise

And it is finally clicking within me that perhaps this old way of everything is not the new. God is calling me to trust Him and let Him show Himself as Himself and dream the dreams so impossible that they are doomed to failure if God is not in them. That way is the new way, the most beautiful!



Now here is where the ducks come in. Elise and I went on a two three hour hike around Hume Lake and there was this one duck that made me smile something that I was having trouble doing this weekend because of this chaotic mess of thought in my brain. This duck came close to me closer than I had ever been to a duck. This duck was there simply because he had something to do. He wanted to bite himself to get some feathers out in a sense pulling out the undercoat. And in so doing this it made him be in a place and do things he never would do unless he had purpose for being there. I found myself relating to this duck in a lot of ways. I have been trying to rip out this new thing that God is giving me like the duck's undercoat. But the thing is this duck as well as I need this new coat for the winter that is coming, it may be sunny and granted it was glorious this weekend but the night will be frigid.The night is cold and is a forshadowing of the winter that is coming, I am going to need this undercoat to survive.



Don't prevent what God is doing inside of you. Don't go back to the old.In a sense don't rip out the new undercoat that is developing inside of you. There is something I learned this weekend "going means not staying." Don't stay the same! Let God do what He does best...change.

JG

grant us Your desire

Oh the great multitude of confession
that weighs against my soul
in the evening of my momentary weaknesses
in my lack of strength, that peirces in this cold

and to find myself once again entagled in your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you

Oh the great necessity for repentance
that yearns within my soul
in my words exhorting the Spirit
in this moment giving glory to the King

and to find once again I am entagled in Your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you
and to find myself once again in full assurance
knowing you are surely faithful to do and be true

oh that You might grant us Your desire
that You alone have made

oh grant us grace to pursue Your face
grant us the grace to see and do
oh that we might desire Your heart
grant us Your desire...

JG

How long?

How long will it be til you see
How long will it be
til you join in the song
The melody of true life

Til every romance?
Til every tear of joy?
Til every display?
and every affection?
and every move?

Tis a realization
Tis a heart full of love
Would you join in the song
The melody of true life

Would he call to you
realizing the extent
Would he shout out
declaring his love

cry to Him
may it never be forced
sing to Him
worthy, worthy

I wait for the extent
I wait for fullness
I wait upon you
I wait upon you

JG

When Silence Falls

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
And I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

Oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
So trustworthy

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, and I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You (I will sing to You)
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

How faithful and true
Sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You’re my spring of living water
You’re my spring of living water

In the lone hour You are there

Be faithful and true,
Like a spring it never fails,
You're my spring it never fails

God brought me to this song a few days ago. It's funny how God seems to delicatley, intricatly, and beautifully tie everything together into one beautiful tapestry. I sang this particular song the night I decided to switch my purity ring to the right hand. And I find myself with this song being played over an over in my head two months later.

For you who don't know for a long time I believed God had laid out for my life singleness because I believed God to not be the very God He was is and will be forever: a God of healing. Yet Little did I know that God could do everything and more. Here I sit writing a few years down the road from the choice for singleness, two months from the second path I chose: God had transformed me completely from who I was and has given to me someone incredibly beautiful inside and out.

I remember that night I sang this song pretty vividly. Two months from that decision I find myself with the realization of the implications of the new path: this road is not going to be an easy one. Yet I find God acting in nothing less than who He is and I am forever praising Him because He is who He is.

And tonight as I find myself in this place when the silence of this season has truly fallen in every since of the lyrical beauty of that line I find myself in such a different place than I have ever been, a better yet different place.I find myself despite these tears that are falling praising my King because He is so worthy. He is so faithful.

I have so many thoughts swirling and spinning in my head right now, I can't contain them and I can hardly begin to organize them. Yet I know as He continues to sort out this new path that the path will begin to clear of all the chaos and clutter. I know I must be dilegant to let my God who finally sorted out my past path let the new one shine out the clearer. It may be different than any of my glass perseptions of my life. It may be scarier. It may be foreign but I am for the new path, and it's new radical implications.

JG