Barefoot

So this whole season is difficult. It is honestly really hard. But tonight writing this I want to thank God for the faithfullness He exibits day in and day out in sustaining me. Although I normally complain about this matter He has blessed me and is stretching me in ways that are wonderful and necessary.

Last night I found myself in tears for the first time in a while. I am simply exhausted with ministry and I am hardly doing anything which daunts me. To think that my independence is being stripped away in this transforming time. It is painful beyond measure. This is a new season for new lessons and it will look different but there is hope that somewhere in the future I will get the hang of it and things will look brighter and be more beautiful because of it...

I awoke this morning only to find that the tears I had fallen asleep to still left their emotional stains in my mind and heart and it was going to be a long day. Yet talking to God this morning and praying that He would use the day for his purpuses made all the difference.

I ended up working in the shop most of the day doing about 100 or so dovetail joints. Needless to say at the end of this mind numbing manufacturing process I wanted to do something fun. So I came home to an empty house and I was kinda bummed. Being carless this year has left me naturally helpless to meet anybody and must therefore rely on their schedule. No schedule aligned with mine this evening so I spent two or three hours at home alone.

Like I said before I am not content in the whole fact that as I have known myself for so long I am independent. Yet, God is calling me to be dependent. This is hard for me. God is changing the very core and being of who I am and I am bitterly resisting. I hate myself for this fact that it wages war inside of me. Thank God, though that through His provision I am able to stand in the midst of this fight and even have good days. He is more than faithful!

So for the first time in my life I actively sought out help from other people. I called literally all those people in my life that I call my trusted friends and one came to my my rescue and we went to go escape. I look at the day, now 1:54 and although it may have been what I would use to consider a bad day, it is exactley what God had planned for the day, and because of that fact it is truley wonderful.

Earlier this evening I found myself up on a huge rock with Colin above the shoreline. I found myself barefoot and simply quiet. It was the first time in a long while that I took my shoes off and went walking without any hinderance between me and the ground.

In describing this season I must say that I am most certainly barefoot. I am more prone to be hurt by the rocky ground. Yet I am able to feel more wholly not only seeing and imagineing what it feels like. Without the sense of touch for instance how can you gain knowledge like how does it feel. There is something missing in our definition of life if we forget to simply experience it in its fullness, all five senses.

I must somehow get it through to my head and heart that this season is about gaining knowledge that I never could, if I were simply in the last season. There would be a gap in my being, something missing that is being made complete by this season. We may attempt to not allow ourselves to be hurt, what I did in the previous season of my life, but unless we fully dive into things you cannot learn about them by simply learning about it. We must experience them.


I find myself with this conclusion tonight: don't limit God in his healing abillity to heal the wounds that the rocky jagged slippery terrain can cause. Dive fully into the things God is putting and calling you to in your life. Give yourself wholly to what you are involved in. Embrace the season and worship God with a passion that is undying. All or nothing. Be willing to go barefoot into life willing to know and discern better what is around us..we may be hurt but God can mend the broken heart.

JG