Invisible

Invisible, this truth behind the lies
manhood requires the truth

Selfish I see the boy, invisible
Covered in a cloak of lies

deeper and deeper, honesty of circumstance
yet never was your mind true, forever scewed

Always wanting forgetting need
I give up, I am running away
Choices made to forget and not forgive

Solidity I gave yet you had not the teeth
Milk you needed

how was I to know?
you and all your lies

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

slaps in the face
punches and bodies
mangled in the wake

you have to grasp
when will you take hold?

Invisible lies
now close to my perception
now I see

I raise these hands on your behalf
but what necessity will drive you to grasp
When will you take hold?

I am amazed at the thoughts God has led me to during this time of silence. I am amazed at what knowledge is there for those who completely shut themselves up and let an uninterupted conversation happen between themselves and God. It seems in life everything becomes scewed when we don't honestly step back from situations and consult with the One who has the better way. How many invisible lies surround us and truth doesn't ripple and resound. Truth is a very silent and subtle thing, it is not mere words.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue in this silence of voice, because the knowledge that is there is very weighty and I know apart from God's strength I can not even hope to carry even the smallest part of it.

Taking time to read over the last years entries here and elsewhere in journals and things I have been coming back to one fact: my childhood faith was better and more perfect. I didn't have the grandiose knowledge I have now about many matters , it was a simpler time and God was still working in his very profound ways, all I did was praise Him for being who He was and I wasn't apart from Him.

I think it is time to go back to that.Although lies weren't apparent and made known they were covered as they are by Jesus' blood and sacrifice and I was able to run unhindered.

Tears flow down this as I write because of many weighty things on my mind which I am not even in part to utter.

This quietness has in a sense made me invisible, I feel one with my God which is the most comforting of moments but I feel the weight of the human condition still and my heart feels pulled by the very gravity that keeps us tied here. I long to depart but for others benifit I stay. I am ready for a change of scenery and a change of any kind. I am so thankful for the One who comforts fully, that His very spirit resides and can warm my very soul in the frigid weather.

So my prayer is that perhaps we might return to the simple and do what God is calling, that there would be fullness of joy in the serving. I pray that everything wouild ripple from the very heart within our being and be of the purest motive and best intent. To Him ultimatley, Jesus Christ, we give all Glory to cause from Him through Him and to Him is all Glory.
JG