Thoughts from the chair...

Last night I sat in my bowl chair...pondering and praying what might come of this quarter. Somehow trying to grasp such an intangible thing. I was reading architectural theory: the inability of most to write and view things outside a single piece of time. Dealing with what was never quite said but definitely the underlying meaning in the 23 page work: discernment.

A lot happened as I sat there last night though. My thoughts were drifting and not at all in that moment yet as God normally does God used it : there was quite a bit of honesty that was self spoken in that moment...this one surfaced

I am so far from where I feel ought to be.

But it did not come from a feeling of guilt or obligation it came out of love.

Maybe it's this dream a few nights ago that was breathed straight from the holy spirit...a much needed word...but it's been lingering like a indefinite sustained chord upon my mind. It was one of the dreams.

There was this man in the dream who spoke. But he spoke of what begun in that bowl chair last night and what the lessons of the present age are to be. That always tends to freak me out. That our God still speaks and directs and knows us well enough to speak of that which we most desperately need to hear and the laying out the tapestry of time before our eyes.

I always write from a moment wishing to capture it so distinctly but in that bowl chair I found myself realizing for the first time really that the Christian's role is not to capture a moment, it's not to stand in the middle of such a raging river. God captures each moment in perfection and doesn't need us to catalogue such a genious perfect thing... there can be no full understanding no historian christian that deals to God's movement in a place.

I will always be chasing as long as I write, record and capture. But to be fully in the middle of any moment it means that we are at the center of something far greater and in full recognition of it and participating with it.

So I sat there in that bowl chair in that moment and found myself in a moment of history and future. In desperation hoping to in that moment find how to fully engage myself in that stream.

It's gonna be an interesting quarter for sure.

JG