Nothing Cheery about Truth

To be honest...I'm tired. I'm tired of all this endless reading.

How in each step i take in my education here at Cal Poly I learn more about how truly off the world is...how every newspaper I pick up tells me how bad it is...how as an architecture student I am told and asked to critique the world and in turn see it with a deeper understanding of truth.

There seems to be nothing cheery about anything...yet all is truth...and all it seems to hurt.

Sometimes it is too much for my heart to bare.

I slept for 15 hours last night. I think partly cause I didn't want to wake up to a world such as this.

While I sleep the world seems to go on in its endless spiral of dismal decay and I wake with several texts and emails and I feel like perhaps it would have been better if I didn't sleep at all cause then, then I may reach a moment when all this striving would perhaps end for a moment and the world the little I can influence wouldn't be needing me, and in the time they sleep I truly might rest.

The Christian life is hard.

I'm selfish and don't want to give away my time and my energy cause I don't have as much as is required to give.I don't know how to draw from Him in each moment. NO ONE HAS EVER SHOWN ME THAT! Every one is always saying do this or that. Most of it is so empty and meaningless. I want to stay near the only true never ending joy I have found in a set apart communion with God, I've learned more that way than anybody else taught me. I want to just run away into the hills be still and be by myself with God.

Elise said a few nights ago I'm tired of being responsible. I am. I am.

I'm tired of what should be and isn't.

JG