The Pheonix Spreads its wings and forms my heart

Words are fickle things. Every one takes each one a different way. To convey to an audience the full meaning proves to be an impossible task all the time in the great broken world we all live in.

So I apologize if my words offend. I pray my heart comes through them. I pray that you can make your ways around the maze of walls I unknowingly put up in this land of communication and the walls Satan puts up in his twisted meaning on my words and that they can be navigated without too much effort

I have this tendency to make it difficult for people to enter into my life. I have a concrete walled maze around me most of the time. A lot of my life has been this mega lesson of trying to knock down those walls and in turn not being so alone and independent.

God blew me away last night though. I have a friend named Kyle, he makes me explain everything clearly.When I talk with him God has this way of making those concrete walls of my life turn to glass and he's able to help me see what is actually going on with me. And somehow my words comes out cohesive and not a mess, its a miracle.

Last night in explaining things clearly and God turning concrete to glass I was able to see a lot of the wounds that I still have and certain propensities I have which are so clear now, clear enough I think I can actually begin tackling them head on.

I'm tackling things differently though as of late...

I feel like I'm just now truly learning to do that and in turn am truly beginning to spread my wings and fly : soaring one moment and dive bombing in others. But I"m flying for the first time...poorly....but I'm flying.

I don't know quite how to orientate myself as of late and that probably explains the lack of blogs like this but I think it has been a good time of rest for God to turn my gaze upward and for him to say dare to do the impossible, "John, jump..." to know God, to enter into relationship with him and learn to love others out of His love. Truly learn how to love, learn how to be in relationship with Him where every day I am constantly baring in mind I have a friend in heaven. Screaming at the top of my lungs that Christ is so incredible just simply enjoying being in love and nothing else mattering. To bear in mind the love He showed as he died and the love He still has for me.Simple,joyful doing good and not worrying about impure motives and being crippled by my self analyzing inaction. Entering in.

JG