Fire

I guess you could call it fire. Something that once started is not so easy to put out. But sadly I have to say I think my fire has burned out at least tonight. Tonight I am discouraged .I guess I could start by saying I need God to do something big in this place. I need him to take me to a place where I know him better and experience something better than the "christianity" I have up to this point. It is not so much that I could say that I am not esperiencing God or know or could experience anything else more wonderful than God that is not God. But rather God needs to take me to that next level or I may forfeit some of the gains I have made in this level. My stomach has been hurting lately it is for one reason and one alone I am sick with everything I see around me, my heart is bleeding for this campus and seeing it from that perspective brings me to tears quite often.
I got the chance to sit alone on the beach tonight. The oppurtunity to stare into God's majestic beauty in his creation was simply amazing. I sat and said to myself God how can people not know the wonderfullness of you and how can I not be satisfied by you even still. I have often had a thought in the back of my mind that the more you know the more you are depressed. Perhaps because I know more, I am more prone. Even yet it is an interesting funk I am in tonight because I am sitting here knowing the only thing that has brought me the satisfaction is God, and he ultimaley is the only one that continues to give me more satisfaction in him everyday. All I know now to do is wait, to wait in silence that is a lot of the tome scary but too often necesary. I expectedly wait for what is to come in my life and here on campus. I expect big things...NO...I need them...
JG