It never ceases to dumbfound me the places God brings us to as we continually seek after Him. How He continues to strip us down to the core of our being exposing all the rot that has happened inside ourselves. Over the course of this past weekend and over the course of this week God has brought me to such a place, where I realize the extent of my failures and the immensity of His grace. Through a long process It would seem dawn is rising, it would appear some new and more wonderful thing than I could dream of is rising!
For those of you who don't know what has happened over the course of this year within myself, I will try and summarize it here. To put it simply God has brought me to the end of myself this year, this is a continually daily thing not a one time thing. He continues to show me how much I suck and how awesome He is and that which is awesome within me is only by His grace. It culminated last quarter with me at the LAX airport after a freak fog storm made me get home 8-10 hours late, I remember wanting to simply cry and be embraced by the only Love I know. It continued to escalate with three blizzards, stuck in my home, forcing me to be alone with my Father in heaven and deal with what I am coming to know as Truth or as I put it here: Insight. Over break I remember upon my knees I gave it all away for the first time in a long time. We are all mere dust, and the fact that dust can speak, let alone approach God...that is something!
God since then has brought me back to how important the character of God is and how important it is to recogonize God to be who He is and not put any of our human boundaries and limitations on Him. He continues to bring me to a correct insight from His eyes, not my own, of myself.
The place I find myself today is realizing that I do not believe the Holy Spirit to be who He is,I simply do not honestly believe that He resides within me and He will, can, and most certainly is if we ask and show we will do,give us all the strength we need. Last night I came to this conclusion: I have grown tired as of late and wanted to spend this whole weekend in silence and on the beach because I was and still in part am tired. And I wonder why the Lord hasn't spoken anything to do as of late? It is because I haven't done what I was supposed to do when He spoke last. I am doing in part and more so each day what He is calling me to do but I still do suck majorly at this whole obeying God thing. For those who this wake of my disobedience has affected my deepest apologies I give.
With this insight we worship God for who He is. That He resues us a sinner every day. That those who have teflon coated brains and hearts He will forever try and get insight to stick . As Hebrews talks about He is the same yesterday today and forever. The same Jesus who died for you and me sits at the right hand of God the father and imparts his choice for grace everyday to us. That is who my God is, and I will continually forever fall in love with Him because unlike myself He gives 100% everyday and never fails me. With that insight I will look into His eyes and see who He is,and my character will be changed by the flames in His eyes and the truth that He is who He has said he is.
My prayer is that we daily might approach the throne of grace surrendered and at the end of ourselves. That although we go to large gatherings and worship God corporately that we meet "I am" individually and are changed by the ferocity of His grace and love.
JG
*I included the above picture because I was struck this weekend by the beauty and the two girls fascination with this pier and the light that came between the columns. I hope you are struck by the beauty of our Father as these two girls are with the pier.
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