Eb and a Minor Second

If you could put your life in a slideshow what would it include? Would it be those funny faces with friends, the late night coffee shop conversations, that phone call that should never have been? That trip with friends? The moments someone says something that slices you to the core? Those moments we realized we had someone else to lean on?...?

This question has been running through my mind as of late...

To speak openly and without restraint tonight.Why do we forget to simply look back and remember those moments we would want to include in that slideshow. Why do I especially forget so often those moments where I have felt the most alive? Stupid me refuses to accept the terms to the continuance of that such thing .

I am left with a question instead of an action plan, what happened to the old John who did the part that was Spirit more than the part that is flesh?

Am I advancing or backsliding?

Sitting here tonight and reading and reflectingI have made so much progress in so many little areas YET in many it seems by the attention I have given to others those gardens are now full of weeds.

There are very few things that I can't deal with and swallow very well...one of those is conviction and truth. When God rebukes me I don't handle it well. When God shows me what things can look like if I choose to step out in faith I can't shake that vision and that right view of sucky self I see. Tonight I am convicted not by some elaborate sermon or some reading of God's word but the kind I can't not shake, conviction of the conscience.

I believe so often I am so far off target and act in apparent disobedience to strict direction from my father. I bring it up tonight not to answer that question afore mentioned, I think everyone would want something a little different than the next in that answer. My answer is this:I am sorry for not allowing many of you to see who God is because I was too busy being preoccupied in disobedience.

Loved ones of the Father in Heaven,I approach this page tonight deeply convicted that I have desobeyed my Father.I have refused to love you in the way my Father does. I refuse to take that initative that I took for so long in yesteryear. I get discouraged easily by opposition. I refuse to pray for you. I refuse to do all that I am called to do for you and on your behalf.


Tonight may God make known himself for He is worthy of the highest worship whether or not I choose to honor him back by giving it to Him. That fact will never change...thanks be to our Majesty the unchanging unknowable God.

JG