That is cool

I've heard it said somewhere that God has everything ordained. That he has purpose somewhere in it all.

I have heard about this God. I have known this God intimately and have seen every incidence that I could refute purpose pass by without that coming to be truth.

Yet somehow my faith is still weak, there are moments where I can't see. There are moments where I doubt in what I most certainly know. That is frustrating.

I have been reading through the old testament as of late regarding Jacob and Esau and the dynamic, and questions about God's choice to allow the blessing that followed Jacob's life that still impacts us today. I have been reading it and gaining a lot of perspective on the way God made men.

For those of you who don't know me well this may come as a shocker. I struggle incredibly with the way God made me. A lot of who I am at the very core of my being stands in sharp contrast to many men. I have come to understand through much sandblasting on this now much softer heart that God made no mistake when he knit me together.

As of late though it has been increidbly hard to believe there is much purpose in me being so incredibly different. I find myself overwhelmed at the work cut out for me by my maker the one who made me specifically for the purpose ordained, predestined before the dawn of time.

My name means: YAHWEH is gracious, He is most certainly! He is walking besides me through this incredibly difficult season.

I was talking with Elise tonight a little about what an increidbly difficult week this has been and as always she poured out incredible insight into what God is doing. All of it is simply breathtaking. Women have a way of hearing that men seldom posess, what a gift for men.

I thank God for women.

I thank God for stream of conciousness, that I don't have to sum all of it up here. That I don't need to understand it all I can choose bits and pieces to focus on and work my way in faith.

That is cool.

JG