Love

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.


I have been pondering this subject for quite a while now as has probably everybody who has lived.I have been wanting to blog on it in hopes I had a greater understanding of it then I currently do at the present moment. You see the problem is I have never really defined love in my life, I have never sat down and seen where exactley love has intruded and been non-present. I think it is probably time I do that...

There has long been within my mind a thought that my life would be one like pauls where I would have to rely soley on my savior not the love of another human being getting involved in a relationship and all that. This has to do greatly with my testimony and what God has brought me out of. I saw that Jesus was single along with most of the disciples and I thought if I ever wanted to love God I would do that, I mean of all the people that loved Jesus most it had to be the disciple right? The thing is though when I get down to it and look at my motivations in doing things like living a holy life, it's not for treasures in heaven cause I feel so unworthy of any of that. The only motivation I have in being holy and doing what is right is the love I have for my Savior! I know precisly why now I am this horrible funk why I am hating, ancy and dishonoring God. I want a good strong healthy relationship but my fears cripple me. My sister told me a while ago God wants to bless us and we don't always have to do all the work. I think my perception of christianity has been more work oriented then blessing oriented. Thinking over this and the relationships I have here there is so much love. I think we accept gladly those friends that love us. But those that may be more, I think we let certain things pass us by...

With a certain girl I think I have let my past hinder me from pursuing a relationship, although it is not the right time for a relationship as both of us have talked about...I am still letting things hinder my future and the blessings God has for she and I. I would say I would be walking into uncharted territory, pursuing the relationship further. I fear perhaps I might screw it up and we would have all those conversations I had with my other "girlfriend" and we end up not speaking, then speaking and falling in love again and then a deadly cycle. The thing is though who are we to fear those plans that God has made for us. It says in Genesis 33 "My Lord knows that the children are frail and that the flocks and herds which are nursing are a care to me. And if they are driven hard one day, all the flocks will die. Please let my lord pass on before his servant, and I will proceed at my leisure, according to the pace of the cattle that are before me and according to the pace of the children, until I come to my lord" See the thing is ,there is nowhere we can go from God's presence in which he hasn't predestined something great to come from it. God has passed on before his servants. As I said in a couple blogs ago. We must learn to conquer our fears, and run with courage towards that which Christ has for us.

God is good and will keep all that is truly good, all that is not he will burn away that is part of the refining process. That is part of true oneness with God.

I hate how all these thoughts have been so jumbled and I fear so much. My one fear should be God and God alone. As God taught me when my friend died this past summer in phil 1:21 to live is christ to die is gain. We must be willing to crucify all pride and get rid of ourselves in the equation letting the master work. God has everything under control, only when we surrender. I know that I need to surrender a little more before I take the relationship further but for once in my life I look ahead and see something beautiful...and I have nothing to do with it...and that is altogether wonderful.

Self it's been so long since I told the truth to you
Deep down I'm lying to myself, because I know what is to come
She is the girl of my dreams
of elegance and beauty uncommonly seen

I love her
If I could only say what I feel now
These words upon my heart
it would not compare to her

O just for one day to be with her
would be the greatest gift
Just one more gaze from those fair blue eyes
Would be all I need

Past aside, we pursue what is to come
something altogether wonderful

JG