Decideing

Decisions are hard, but they are the basis on which we build our lives on. God and I had a little duking about a certain decision I was going to make. God like always won and I am going to do this thing he is telling me to do. The thing is though my heart is not in it fully , that scares me, I desire for my heart to be in the right place but when it comes down to it I am exhausted. I've written several songs with that phrase in it, I"m exhausted. However I don't think that is really what it is it is more of a I'm yearning for more and longing for someday when my will will align with God's perfectly and we can be one. It's a rough state to be in but the thing is it is rewarding beyond anything serving Christ. It's tough work but it is the only work that means anything. I learned something that I am realizing more and more lately. We must be happy in our circumstance but also we must take joy in even the little things like doing homework and serving God with an eternal picture rather than not waiting on his time at all. I was reading this verse yesterday in Leveiticus and it struck me( " By those who come near Me I will be treated as holy, and before all people I will be honored" So Aaron, therefore kept silent) -lev 10:3 We need to just shut up sometimes and listen to God telling us that he is a jealous God and requires faithful servents. I must admit I have not been a faithful servent all the time. I think when it boils down to it I was never really faitful I just served the one who had been faithful to me all those years. The thing is though I realized we must wait on God's timing in everything and although allthough it doesn't really look like it is the best timing with our perception of timing it always turns out to be.
Another thing that struck me was a phrase from St. Augustine's confessions "Thou changest thy ways, leaving thy plans unchanged" I think what he is trying to get it that prayer is somehow a way to change not necessarily the heart of God but rather his" heart" in the sense of our heart that he will change his way of doing things to meet those prayers of those he loves, but in so doing He is big enough to make that not affect the" plans" God has. I think his plans is the story of salvation Jesus, prophecy and all the like. That will never change. We don't serve a God who doesn't want to act on the sinners behalf. However we do have a God that is one of wrath and justice. He is grieved, and he is delighted. If we grieve Him He is less likely to work. That is why righteous mens prayers are more powerful. And that is why prayer is not in a good condition these days. The sin that we refuse to let go is seperating our communication with God and it is out faults. I heard the phrase once the glory of God, is man fully alive. I don't think it is the perfect phrase by any means. But when God is glorified it is when man is fully alive and acting and being glourious to God. We must obey. We must submit. And we must surrender all. Whether we're exhausted or not. It is what a righteous God demands. Suck it up, there are better things to come than what this world has to offer!
JG