I was convicted tonight big time on how I haven't forgiven people. I was thinking as I was listening to this message tonight I have forgiveness down. However, the truth is I still harbor resentment in my heart toward some people no matter how pacifist I am. One man in particular one of my friends from school. Why do I harbor anger against him? He was taring me apart by telling me what I wasn't doing. He was talking bad about christianity. But however right I might be in thinking I need to defend my God...my God does not need to be defended. I was wrong for thinking that I was somehow someone that could do "the" God of infitude justice.
The other my parents, I somehow harbored anger that they want me to become what they are. I've realized a lot about where my passions lie. I don't want to get married and have kids. I don't want to stay in America. I want to be serving my lord where he will use me best that is where my heart lies. That is in missions. I have this weird calling to go to Asia. I want that above all else. I finally realized why I said I was jealous of my friend above. I wish that I could do what he was doing by helping people but I am honoring my parents by being at school and getting this degree. That is what I am supposed to be doing I am not missing out on that because I know that lies in my future because I have this desire inside of me. I must honor my parents and for not doing that last quarter I must make amends by writing a simple apology letter. The thing is though my lord wants me to honor my parents that is what it boils down to lately. I will do that this next quarter. God will honor me. I remeber his promises. They are good ones. God is so good!!!
JG
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