Meant to be read slowly...on words

I have tried several times to sit down and blog, all failed. I don't know what it is about the chaos about the end of the year that seems to make me like this. As of late though I can not seem to gather my thoughts. It must have to do something with the fact that we are all anticipating, moving on to a different thing, with the summer approaching. I have heard it said many times that while in college one is in a constant transition. We each long for what we use to have and inside each one of us is nervous about what is to come...but being packed up and ready for transition it begs the question does God have some great last lesson to teach me?

Anyways I think I should be able to offer some grand advice, but I find myself lacking a great deal at the end of this year. I find myself knowing that there is so much more to go. I understand fully that I am under a strong and mighty power. I understand also that there is great power that lies within me. I find myself exhausted though, and wondering how I am going to continue on with the plans God has for me.

Elise told me tonight that the night they presented what was going on in Asia she was crippled in the anticipation and the restlesness and couldn't move. Sitting there she couldn't figure out what that uncertainty was and why it lied within her. The uncertainty she felt was the one that was to come within me the one that cripples me and confuses me. As I am writing on a day that is not going to be a good one when history is played out God is asking me one question, as he has always asked "will you accept what I have for you?" and I think it would be so easy to just live a life of simplicity and one that doesn't require the sacrifice, but God says there is need to be neglecting mankind completly so that I might pursue one thing. And it sounds so clishe oftentimes but please know the sincerity with which my questioning mind is wrestling. God has shown me glimpses, they are imbedded deep within me, he has made my paths to lead to a point that is coming very soon. All this lack of clairty is the most clarity I've seen in a while. It is so confusing.

I know the wonders that God is going to do, but he asks us will we accept what he has for us, will we share in "blessing?"

(keep that in mind)

(new thought)

In the begining was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God, He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him and apart from him nothing came into being that has come into being.

I am going to say that the gospel is the Word. The story of salvation is written in the Word. Our response is what we do with the Word spoken to us. When the bible says walk in Him as Colossians 2 says we are to walk in Him, not walking in him. We are so prone to lean on ourselves that we forget we need not lean on ourselves

I ask the question how will I carry on.There was a Greek philosopher named Heraclitus who first used the term Logos( word in the greek) around 600 B.C. designating the divine reason or plan which coordinates a changing universe. This word was well suited to John's purpose in John 1. I will not carry on that is the whole point, He will carry on within me. He is the constant amidst chaos He is The Word it doesn't matter about our changing words and their meanings he is the Meaning. The only stregth I have for the difficult journey ahead is in Him, I know full well exhausted old me is nothing apart from Christ, and I like it that way. I like leaning not on my understanding. I have done that far too much, its time to let go a little more til all of me is gone and christ is completly formed in me.

(one other thought)

Why do we not realize we are in a war?

And there will be casulties on both sides.

Not everyone is going to accept christ, I believe it is within God's power, but it is not within each man's power to accept. I expect everything from God, but I have no expectations of man.

That is a shame, but we must not let the fact we lost one consume us.

JG