Oh...Ministry 2

I would like to apologize, foremost for not clarifying myself in my last blog on ministry. I would like to make some clarifications here...

1. God is totally overhauling my view on ministry and by no means is the work complete. Therefore some of my views are not complete yet and I have large gaps and holes in them that don't seem to make sense. There are two apparently different seemingly contradictory things The Spirit is teaching me about that somehow go together and it makes sense in my mind but I cannot clarify it to the degree it need to be at this present time. I will not have a grasp on this stuff for a while. The things I said I hold fast to because that is the path my logic took to get to the end result and conclusion.That are what my blogs are simply the thought processi and thought provoking things. Forgive me while I am prone to jump the gun on revealing things and be in sin and not offer a complete overview. I should be waiting but until this transformation is over within me I will not be able to offer a concrete definition on ministry.

2. I understand fully that last year I thought I was so mature in my faith only to find out now there is still much ground to be taken. I ask myself several times how could I have had such wrong perceptions about some key things, I understand I may be doing the exact same thing here.

3. Take God's word not my words and let them speak to you. I hope my writing only stirs people to question things for themselves and seek out God in their own lives and spur them on to a greater love of Jesus.

4.The path God has me on is a more radical one than I initially thought. Forgive me while I only care about my father's preception of me not those around me.

JG

A random pic to lighten the mood

I think this is awesome!
JG

Oh...Ministry

It seems the chaos that seems to fill my mind a lot as of late has finally materialized into something. I find myself tonight ready to write...to fill the blank spaces that are all around me with an awakening in a sense within me. I will not forget that God still has much more awakening to do within me, but I will be content on this plateau before the next hill.

There has been something stirring within me as of late...mainly my christian approach to minsitry and my heart condition. In the season I am in God is calling me to a complete redirection within myself: transforming all of who I was and still in part am whether good or bad. He is making all things new. He is calling to me to do all things new.

The biggest lesson has been simply that it was never about the converts it was all about ourselves all along. That will probably seem a paradox to some because we have a tendancy to care so much about people's perceptions of us, we lose sight that perhaps we should be spending less time caring about what people think of us and more on how God views us.

Matt and I have begun talks on the the triune nature of God as of late and he asked a very perplexing question " does every aspect of the trinity love everyone?" After some pondering and some prayer here are my thoughts: God is by nature angry and only loves those who are redeemed those who love Jesus, this is shown by a father loving his kids more than every other kid, Jesus loves everyone regardless of slavation status, he died for everyone. The spirit is the interesting one he doesn't even love christians occasionly. He loves those who are in a process known as sanctification those christians that are growing and moving closer to Jesus.

We need to honestly consider this we are loved by God and we are not loved by God. The only thing that matters in this life is us and the internal revelation that is happening and overflowing out of us as christians.

This is what God has been teaching me about ministry it's not means of doing it, it is about "the mean" by which we can minister.

This way is simply letting the hate and love of God for us compel us. It says in Hebrews 12:14

"...be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. "

It says that unless we are holy we will not see God. We cannot hope to see God work, we cannot expect the spirit to move unless we are being a holy people. We are not called to condemn people but to work on the plank in our eye before we go out and condemn people for the speck in theirs. This is ministry...ministry foremost should be about santification and discipleship spurring each other on to holiness.

15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.

18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]

22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."


That is the beauty of the community we are in here in SLO. It is not about those who are mature, it's not about the weakest . It is about us as a group of believers being in real fellowship and experiencing the life God intended us to experience. Spurring each other on to real holiness and letting that be the water that drives this storm that is coming.

Granted we have some major work to do as a chrisitan community here...but I know once we begin to realize that we are a body not individuals we begin to understand humility and we begin to understand what exactley God is calling us to as a people. He is calling us to the personal relationship not the public. Letting Him dictate and judge us not others.

I love that fact...it's about letting go in order that we might gain more...it is a beatiful and effective surrender.

oh...Pride

This morning I found myself at Motana De Oro, a state park on the central coast of California. It was misting and quite chilly but Elise and I were determined to finally take a day for ourselves and do something fun. Little did we know that God as normal would speak through the rediculous. This is the perspective of a snail...

"Little did I know that I could find myself so lost in the middle of the woods so far away from a source of water.There is nothing but dry dirt surrounding. The storm the night before had blown me here and I find myself disoriented not knowing where I can find myself the essential necessities to live, I am so lost.

It's been hours, I am crippled by the distance, I must return I am determined. I hear the ground rumbling perhaps something is coming to my rescue to return me back to the water. I think it sees me...

I hope it sees me...

The big creature is carrying me in his hands, I am scared that perhaps it may not have my destination in mind. I am willing though, rather than face death to let anything happen to reach the water.

I am still in the strange creature's hands perhaps we will reach the destination soon. Rains pour down. I can hear the sound, on the barren ground. I can hear the waves so close yet so far away...

It seems he is carrying me toward the ocean but why haven't we reached it yet?...

...bloop."



I think all of us can take a lesson from the snail's perspective. The storms of life come and we get so blown off course from where we should be. I would say of these three lessons that I am writing about pride, ministry, and friendship this one has been the hardest. To actually let people teach me and minister to me is a hard thing. To finally let go of my pride and let someone else carry things for a change. Little did I know that by not accepting this I was like the snail so far away from home.



To most of my close friends I have told them that God was calling me to the horizontle plane during this season, an honest first. God was calling me to devote to friendships and people in an intense focus. Little did I know it would entail actual friendship not some arbitrary concept. God answered that prayer by allowing me to realize who my true friends are and that I need to be poured into too. I can't always be an unending source of water for people when my spring has sprung a leak and needs to be shut down.I remember praying a while back that I can't continue pouring out in the same way I have been. I was like the snail so far away from water that I was in a sense slowly dying, hardly functioning because I had no water for myself or in my eyes worse yet, for others.

I was letting pride get in the way. I am a control freak and want everything to be done my way. Who are we to think that we are any better than anybody else enough to dictate things? We all own the same wretched heart redeemed by grace. Like I said in my blog yesterday it has been a lesson in letting go in order that I might grow leaning on Christ alone and his sufficiency in my life, his greater grander plan. It is better yet that way. I am holding together only by his grace and providence in my life.

As for letting go I spent a whole day in a sense doing nothing with Elise.



..It has been one of the best days of my life.

God doesn't call us to a life of sole ministry we get burnt out that way. He calls us to in part enjoy what he has given us. To take delight in his providence and good grace. He is more than worthy because of this fact alone.

JG

Oh...Friendship

These next couple blogs I want to recount to remember what exactley God has taught me during the time in which he took me on an unexpected detour to work some things out within me. I want to focus this blog on friendship but moreso the next couple blogs on three exact issues : friendship, pride, and ministry. This is in a hope of finally coming to terms and realizing the extent of these lessons in my own life.

I must say that the lessons God has taught me about this particular subject about friendship have been incredibly difficult.It is hard to take away all of one's perception about certain subjects and replace that. God did that and it was a ride.

The living situation this year is so good a pure joy, and I honestly have no complaints. I live in an apartment with three awesome guys one kitchen, one living room, two bathrooms, and four bedrooms.

This is Rory he was in my wow group last year and we just clicked although we were totally different people, he is a music major.





This guy's name is Evan I consider him my best friend in the whole wide world, he is a construction managment major.






This is Matt he was my best friend's roomate last year, a computer engineering major. These are who I am living with this year. It isn't anything like a dorm you enjoy each other's company and you see each other and really have to live with each other and are forced to get along or face the consequences. I consider it is a blessing to be living with all these guys.

















Evan and I have had a little bit of a culture shock with the circumstance God has placed our way and its been awesome to learn how to work through everything God gives us together. By leaning on each other and the friendship that has given us we are able to make it through. I will note two things though that was preventing us from leaning on each other as brothers in Christ. One we were afraid to bring up issues that we didn't want to talk about, we should only fear God not the response of people. Secondly we were also upset to accept that we can't devote all our time to each other anymore there is responsibility and other things that we do need to focus on.

This girl's name is Elise, she is the love of my life, my other best friend. God has called this to be my other focus. It has been difficult managing all the time that God has given me to do with what I will and delegate and distribute it responisbly. Thanks be to God who through an easier architecture class this quarter I have had more time to devote to people like Elise who are so truly wonderful.

I thing the biggest difficulty in friendship this year has been simply having enough time to enjoy eachothers company. In a sense letting go enough so God can do His things and we can find pleasure in His ultimate greatness. It's been difficult to accept that perhaps God wants us to work towards something better and bigger than ourselves but not have the same responsibility because of the way our lives look and the difference between this and last year. We are meant now in this season to be devoted to a few and pour into them and let that pour out to a few. and pour back into us. It isn't about simple nonstop ministry its about simply letting God do what He wants to do letting go to grow closer.

I believe it is in preperation for the real world where you can't have hundreds of friends you have a few. The challenge is making every moment purposeful, making sure that what God wants is being done with the time given us. I still have a lot of work to do with that but I am making things simpler. I am devoting myself to my apartment and Elise and not being upset that God has called me to only four people for the most part. I will enjoy all the other friendship when time dictates and God calls me to but I am letting go of some in order that I might have a stronger bond and better friendships.

JG

Back to Simplicity

So this past week in particular has been one of the most difficult draining/ most emotional weeks I have experienced in a long while. Infact it has been a really draining month and half since I have been back to school and such.That time was characterized by many things I have not been able to find joy in which is rough for one who can't control his smile oftentimes. After some really rough conversations with God and a little bit of spiritual warfare and a lot of honestly just crappy things in my life all happening at once I come today to this computer in a peace and simplicity that I haven't had in a long time,probably since my intial conversion.

I do not feel a need to write long because the words I will write will not change you it will be those times you spend with your Savior and love Jesus Christ. I will say something to you, though and I hope the lack of words will make note of how important this is to me and what God has told me. "Shut up, live simply and love Me. Use the circumstance in your life to point back to Me and who I am." That's the secret to life right there. Love Jesus, and simply believe Him to be who He is and forever will be. That is it. Let simplicity flow back into you.

JG

Waiting Room & This Road

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
-Shane & Shane


All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through
-Jars of Clay

When You are near

There’s no need to say a thing,
When I’m before you in this silence
I feel refreshed with peace
Break this noise that binds the voice
That tries speak open up my eyes to see
Your gracious sovereign reach

It’s hard to talk when I feel that you are near,
When all is quiet it’s the beauty that I hear,
This hidden place where I know that you calm my fears
I know that you’ve washed my tears

The seasons of change I’ve faced
Have never left me wounded
Only scars of hurt
But never deeply rooted
This healing I have felt
No burden can replace
Redemptive hope has been the story of my pain

All is lost without the breath of life you give
And you give so much
I want nothing more than you so here’s my heart
-Jeremy camp

As Every Tear

As every tear wets this page
and every stormy day joins the larger sorrow
and every raindrop joins the river
flowing indefinitely

As blue sky nests in clear view
like a paintbrush, across the blue sky
seeking the next horizon
going forever on

this dessert pen records
every grain of sand
and every new way
that old is written to say

Oh the landscape that were writ with these tears
and oh the emotions which were once contained
every word meant something
oh the old silent longing

When words no longer needed to be spoken

Oh this night that falls on this wilderness
in the dessert time and lone roads
As the day breaks soon to set away
in beautiful misty light

Oh the echoe of these pines
discussion of matters I hardly knew
to find I am broken needing you
to find I am lost in only you

Words no longer need be spoken

Something Surrounding Circumstance

I am amazed at the ability my emotions have to wage war against me. I am amazed at how things I thought I never would struggle with have come to cripple me more than any other. I am amazed that God would be able to bend us back even straighter than before.Praise be to the God of restoration. The God of the new birth after the most horrible death.

If you don't know God has put me in unique places all my life. Through God's grace alone have I been able to be adjustable to the divine stretching that God wants to do, and by no means has it been easy. I will repeat again nothing of myself contributes to this I have only prayed and made decisions and the choice to be stretched. Apart from that I have done nothing but simply been available for His use.

Last night was one of the worst and best nights in my recent past. God stretched me in ways I couldn't can't and until heaven will probably never fully begin to comprehend. He bended me back into the shape He wants for me for this time place and season. Now with some realizations that I am very uncomfortable with and some direction that I am also uncomfortable with I have gained an understanding and something to write about.

There is something surrounding circumstance that we don't seem to get as Christians we look to everything except those things that will help. We let circumstane dictate things rather than a steadfast unchanging God. This must stop! We must forever be seeking out the face of Christ. Like Peter I was for so long looking at Jesus literally walking on water having wonders be done around me but then something happened, I got sidetracked by a little thing called circumstance and began to sink. Praise be to Jesus who rescues when we are sinking in deep water.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy,from my foes, who were too strong for me...the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me...For who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God ? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...You stoop down to make me great...therefore I will praise...I will sing praises to your name...unfailing God."

-psalm 18

Isn't that a God we should desire to whole heartedly pursue!As Evan would say "DUH"! I believe fully we lose sight of that.

"Lord here I am again in a dry and barren hole, a place where nothing can speak to me but this deepness and despair. Yet I can still see the light You so willingly offer and it is the only thing that gets me through. I am parched in desperate need of You. I know this all has purpose and I await what You will do with these circumstances and realizations..."

It is amazing that God could do such a transformational thing over the course of five hours last night bringing me out of darkness into full light. I learned above all else from last night that I give too much of myself. God is teaching me to play the bigger game be a player not an architect. He is teaching me the little leagues before he realeases me on the bigger ones. I guess it is all really about submission, making peace and having enough faith to believe God is who He is... unfailing.

You think I would get that by now but it seems the simplest lessons need to be retaught again and again.

We need to learn to make Jesus Friend foremost, He is always there for us always wanting to talk always willing to listen and wishing us to get better spuring us on to a deeper love and a deeper longing for and possesion of abundance of joy. He is never about all the stuff we as Christians make it about. He is simply about growing together, experiencing abundant life together.

We lost sight of the big picture. Circumstance can get us down. By no means am I saying life won't have its ups and downs yet when you know you have someone there that is the Friend of all Friends you lose sight of everything else. Your desires become His and His become yours. There is a beautiful thing I like to call divine flow. We lose sight that every molecule, every drop is beconing us back to the streams which lead to the river and those rivers which lead to bigger bodies of water.

Everything in the Christian life is simple we make it too complicated. It is all about Jesus. It is all about Him. Having His heart within us and letting that love that burns undying like the radiant sun reach out and warm this cold and dying world. Refall in love with Jesus...He is more than worthy to be called friend.

Strings

strings that play in a different way
improvising and singing with the sway

oh that one should break and cause more need
but soon to follow the sweetest of melody

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

and with swell and sway, the rise and fall,
moving and dancing, newly contained

could it be that the new page is far better than the old
to adapt and change, to lose and gain

that the season should change and cause us to bring
not something but to lose all we are

Like a leaf blown in the wind, not carring about his way
should we learn to move according to this new
and to think that one more should break
and be unwritten more beautiful then before

...written more beautiful then before

In Context

There is definatley a tendency within the Christian walk to forget certain aspects on very important issues. We forget often times that we need a seed to grow a tree. We expect everything to be done by an instant God, not the God of the whisper as 1 kings 19:12 talks about.We expect out gospel to go out almost instantaneously without any work. I must say tonight I am a little reluctant to write this one in fear of the implications it does mean for my life as well as yours and the fact I might piss people off but I will let the Spirit go before me and convict. It is a step I must take...Christ is calling me ...to be real...to be honest...to know who He has made me to be. I hope Christians everywhere will be able to for once live in context...

I find tonight words in my brain rattling and clanging simply saying "in context". I found myself saying" once again with this God, why?" So here I find myself tonight at the desk where miracles will be and have already been recounted simply trying to understand two simple words" in context."

It is a long held belief and observation of mine It is far easier in the Christian walk to fall into being irrelevant than to be unique. I find myself when I relate to Christian men and women having far more to say than to a dying generation that my words are far more needed by. I find myself desiring to just simply being able to relate. How? As all things in the Christian faith and walk it happens inside of your heart, it has and always will be about the heart condition.

Earlier this week I found myself asking the question on my knees why if this Spirit that You gave us is so majestic, so wonderful, so beautiful, so powerful, than why are we not all Yours why do we seem to be so out of phase with the lost. And I understand spiritual warfare and all that and that we do suck and all that and we are all torn into two the moment of our birth and our new birth. But I find myself simply thinking that Jesus Christ gave all of himself left Earth to give us the very Spirit of God to be within each of us, the very thing angels gaze and wonder about and what have we done with this? Instead of working on the inner temple we built even massiver outer temples in the forms of idols, churches, etc.. We build glorified walls and we have such a propensity as people to focus so much on the outer that we entirely forget the inner! What a wretched thing!

The only reason I believe the church,the relavant transformational community, is growing so heavily in Asia is because they know simply that there is a difference between soul and spirit because of the eastern religion that is native to the region. They understand the spiritual realm because they have seen the manifistation and power of the unseen. They know that is the only way to "enlightenment" they focus on the very subtle yet oh so imprtance difference of soul spirit and body. They take time to focus on the internal. Is this something we could learn from? Maybe spending a little more time on the whole "enlightenment" thing spending alone time with the God who whispers to us?

Our culture doesn't lend itself to knowing yourself until honestly college and we as Christians need to know who we are in the slightest hope of understanding who God is. God is calling us to be relevant to an ever changing culture. Not changing the beautiful Gospel but radically being a unique inspired, surrendered people. We must be in context. We must heavily know that we are three part in beutiful echo of God himself(1 thess 5:23). You are "spirit soul and body"in that order each one needing to be focused on.

We are Spirit.This is the inner court of the temple of who we are(1 cor 3:16) a place beyond understanding. All activities in the temple are directed by this place the revalation which happens in the utter silence and quitness of this place.It is the Holies of Holies where the Spirit of God indwells us. It may seem to us that nothing is done in the Holiest Place becauase it is pitch dark. Yet all thing revolve around this...

We are Soul. This is inbetween the spirit and the body.It must be noted that like God we cannot focus on one aspect of his character or we lose sight. We must foremost focus on the Spirit.

We are lastly Body: It may appear that everything revolves around the outer plane of who we are. But little do we know how the physical plane is influences by the spirit of certain men.

We must realize all this. I found myself a couple months asking myself is there only one way to getting closer to Jesus just as there is only way to salvation? After much thought I believe generally there is only one way. The only place you will change is when you choose not to focus on the outer rather the internal. For those of you who don't journal START. For those of you who don't know your tendencies FIND THEM OUT! We are wretched people covered by beautiful masquerades. There is a value to knowing who you are apart from the mask. Honesty is profitable in all ways and areas. The only reason I believe we find ourself in the prediciment we find ourselves in is because of you and me and are focus on the body rather than the spirit . We don't know who we are and in turn don't know who He is...we must grow in the understanding of who He is...we must in order to reach the lost.

JG

Right that you should fear Me

Tonight I find myself reluctant to check out my sources about what God is doing in the grander scheme. I see what He is doing here and my joy has come unhindered and in fullness. I fear though that this Great God I serve if I were to look into His outpourings gaining a reflection of who He is was and forever will be, getting closer to that True Picture, I would surely die. I am amazed at God who has only begun the miracles I have begun to see here. Giving a voice to the voiceless and healing in miraculous ways for others.

And as I hear my roomate refreshed and renewed from this amazing weekend, singing praises to the king and knowing certain "secrets" I simply want to cry because God is so good and so faithful and I have only begun to see the grander scheme that God will continue to play out and show me throughout my life. And as I find myself finally begining to understand my propensity to praise gains stronger with every moment and I am consumed.

Lord You have only begun. You have granted us Your desire above all else. And You alone are fulfilling it Lord, We praise you Jesus.

JG

the morning...

When flames dance and beauty sings
When the heavens open and this heart sings
When in perfect dance and perfect note
When golden reflections start to billow

And these ashes in the middle of the night
They stir like whispering feathers

And candles lit in the dead of night
That would burn to a passion uncontained
With fragrance of incense in the air

A journey on beaches that once were black
Now glowing in the morning break
The night has become the dawn

Under starry skies
A new song has begun to be sung

The morning…
JG

4...2...90

This silence, this ever present shadow
These reflections and this upsetting balance
It creeps into my soul,

Dare I tare myself apart, by not
Dare I be reckless
Dare I throw caution to the wind

This haunting darkness, and this new man
These frightening dreams, and creppy things
It wars against my soul

Dare I be a radical
Dare I transform
Dare I be different

This knowledge that I hold,
And that knowledge I’m to gain
Must it come about this way

Dare I be, what you are calling me to be?
Dare I do and dare I be
the man God has begun to change within me…

Divine Inspiration from unlikely sources

It seems God has a way of revealing the most divine and God given inspiration from the most rediculous things. This weekend God gave me some inspiration from the ducks at Hume Lake. Here's what God taught me through the ducks.

I wrote this in my journal this weekend

" It seems there are times, when you just get it. We finally understand what God has been trying to teach us. Tonight I find myself in that place , It finally makes sense. To think my perspective of Your desire could be so off!"

The thing I understood tonight that I haven't been getting is that I am not supposed to understand, I am not supposed to place plans for God to do.I am not supposed to magically figure it out through my intellect or blogging. He said specifically this weekend "why are you here(1 Kings 19), why are you on your knees asking Me questions, just simply delight John. Forget about understanding fall in love with Me once again, "simply shutup and listen to my whisper".

This was my prayer:

Would you help us comprehend what it means to worship You
‘cause we're blinded by our circumstance
Heal our eyes today

May we know Your love; feel it course through our veins
Encircling our hearts and embracing our souls
We need Your love and grace to remain, to rearrange our hearts
And change the way we praise

And it is finally clicking within me that perhaps this old way of everything is not the new. God is calling me to trust Him and let Him show Himself as Himself and dream the dreams so impossible that they are doomed to failure if God is not in them. That way is the new way, the most beautiful!



Now here is where the ducks come in. Elise and I went on a two three hour hike around Hume Lake and there was this one duck that made me smile something that I was having trouble doing this weekend because of this chaotic mess of thought in my brain. This duck came close to me closer than I had ever been to a duck. This duck was there simply because he had something to do. He wanted to bite himself to get some feathers out in a sense pulling out the undercoat. And in so doing this it made him be in a place and do things he never would do unless he had purpose for being there. I found myself relating to this duck in a lot of ways. I have been trying to rip out this new thing that God is giving me like the duck's undercoat. But the thing is this duck as well as I need this new coat for the winter that is coming, it may be sunny and granted it was glorious this weekend but the night will be frigid.The night is cold and is a forshadowing of the winter that is coming, I am going to need this undercoat to survive.



Don't prevent what God is doing inside of you. Don't go back to the old.In a sense don't rip out the new undercoat that is developing inside of you. There is something I learned this weekend "going means not staying." Don't stay the same! Let God do what He does best...change.

JG

grant us Your desire

Oh the great multitude of confession
that weighs against my soul
in the evening of my momentary weaknesses
in my lack of strength, that peirces in this cold

and to find myself once again entagled in your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you

Oh the great necessity for repentance
that yearns within my soul
in my words exhorting the Spirit
in this moment giving glory to the King

and to find once again I am entagled in Your grace
knowing I am nothing apart from you
and to find myself once again in full assurance
knowing you are surely faithful to do and be true

oh that You might grant us Your desire
that You alone have made

oh grant us grace to pursue Your face
grant us the grace to see and do
oh that we might desire Your heart
grant us Your desire...

JG

How long?

How long will it be til you see
How long will it be
til you join in the song
The melody of true life

Til every romance?
Til every tear of joy?
Til every display?
and every affection?
and every move?

Tis a realization
Tis a heart full of love
Would you join in the song
The melody of true life

Would he call to you
realizing the extent
Would he shout out
declaring his love

cry to Him
may it never be forced
sing to Him
worthy, worthy

I wait for the extent
I wait for fullness
I wait upon you
I wait upon you

JG

When Silence Falls

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
And I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

Oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
So trustworthy

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, and I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You (I will sing to You)
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

How faithful and true
Sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You’re my spring of living water
You’re my spring of living water

In the lone hour You are there

Be faithful and true,
Like a spring it never fails,
You're my spring it never fails

God brought me to this song a few days ago. It's funny how God seems to delicatley, intricatly, and beautifully tie everything together into one beautiful tapestry. I sang this particular song the night I decided to switch my purity ring to the right hand. And I find myself with this song being played over an over in my head two months later.

For you who don't know for a long time I believed God had laid out for my life singleness because I believed God to not be the very God He was is and will be forever: a God of healing. Yet Little did I know that God could do everything and more. Here I sit writing a few years down the road from the choice for singleness, two months from the second path I chose: God had transformed me completely from who I was and has given to me someone incredibly beautiful inside and out.

I remember that night I sang this song pretty vividly. Two months from that decision I find myself with the realization of the implications of the new path: this road is not going to be an easy one. Yet I find God acting in nothing less than who He is and I am forever praising Him because He is who He is.

And tonight as I find myself in this place when the silence of this season has truly fallen in every since of the lyrical beauty of that line I find myself in such a different place than I have ever been, a better yet different place.I find myself despite these tears that are falling praising my King because He is so worthy. He is so faithful.

I have so many thoughts swirling and spinning in my head right now, I can't contain them and I can hardly begin to organize them. Yet I know as He continues to sort out this new path that the path will begin to clear of all the chaos and clutter. I know I must be dilegant to let my God who finally sorted out my past path let the new one shine out the clearer. It may be different than any of my glass perseptions of my life. It may be scarier. It may be foreign but I am for the new path, and it's new radical implications.

JG

Some Honest Thoughts

I told Elise a couple days ago I think for the first time I feel overwhelmed. I have no medium to get out these anxious and troubled thoughts. Every move I make I question because there seems to be no more guidance in my life. Which brings me to the troubling thought I stumbled across today: it seems that when we seem to strike a healthy balance another thing comes along that tilts the very balance we just maintained.

I think in a lot of ways I forget a lot of the things God has taught me about faith, love and life.Yet why, I have a friend in heaven who has performed miracles in my own life that I have tangibly seen them, yet somehow I do not believe fully. I have a guide who has sheparded me through many times of dessert and down-trodedness, yet I don't trust. I have a God who is bigger than myself, yet I can only still fit him into my box of perceptions. I have a God who has loved me first, yet I do not love Him in a simple form.

I have been wondering why I can only approach God in tears as of late? It became apparent today in worship, I have forgotten my first love.I have become so consumed with doing things my way that I forgot the necessity and need to surrender.I have been so busy with entertaining people that I forget that you can only entertain so much.I have quested to find answers yet forgot the necessity to no longer question those things that have no necessity of being questioned. I have forgotten. I have simply forgotten.

And now a week late coming back to this blog attempting to finish it up I find myself, suprisingly in the same place. I am constantly battleing these tears when I approach God. I feel so overwhelmed yet amazingly at peace and I don't really know if I can explain it all because my thoughts are a thousand swirling puzzles that are entirely new.

I have entered in a sense a new part of my faith, a new part of my Christian walk and a new part of who I am that I don't think I am ready at all to enter into, yet, God trusts me to enter into this new season. And I feel almost as if I am entering the darkest nights of my soul and I know but I do not trust.

Awaiting

"awaiting eagerly the revalation of our Lord Jesus Christ"
-1 cor 1:7b

I think in a lot of ways things have shifted. That is probably an understatement. Actually I know that is an understatement but it is one of those things that if I were to realize the full extent of how many things actually shifted, I doubt I could handle it all. That is in part why I can't see and have no divine direction for this season. But I think the internal perspective I am gaining is one that I wouldn't trade for anything else. I'm begining to think this perspective I am gaining is the treasure of darkness God promised to me during this season.

It is terribly facinating what my worship is looking like more and more when I come to God needing him so much more than I ever have in a season where I shouldn't be needing him more but I can't help but lean, actually needing him. Tonight I found myself unable to contain my tears because of the whole fact that God desires so desperatley for us to be unified. I see myself as I find myself each day desperatley needing Him, so desperatley. The thing is I can't help cry knowing that God is so good to the undeserving, to me.

I think I feel for the first time in my life like I have nothing to offer anybody except the very good news. Which is as it should be. I found myself tonight asking so many questions about me awaiting the fruition of this internal perspective, what does it all entail? Only the next...will show that.

But although this may be shifted and completley foreign, all of it, I am found in my Savior's arms and that is where I love to be.

I can't help notice though that in a sense with as little perspective as I do have the campus seems to be in an almost anticipation an awaiting to be more accurate, and I can't put my finger on it exacltey but look at your surroundings and tell me you don't see something stirring. This campus is awaiting the secrets and treasures of darkness. I think it is this perspective of simplicity, foundationality, and humbleness that leads to unity.

The most interesting thing is that the picture of Jesus sweating blood as He prayed for us, that image is burned into my mind and the thing is...it is one of the most powerful images I have had in a while. His very blood spilt that we might have a chance to be unified that is so amazing. That was a powerful prayer prayed in Gethsemini .

Understanding through Wine and Cigars

God has been radically transforming my heart over the past few weeks especially last night and I am captivated at this new understanding that I am gaining on some of my long held questions in life. I have always wondered what was the point to wants and desires and what all of us should base our decision making process upon. I think I finally understand it.

For those of you who don't know these past four months I have been prophetically blind as to what God is doing. It has been one of the most intense, crazy, hardest and most difficult seasons I have lived. Yet in it I have learned to trust. Learned to rest secure in my salvation and God's greater plan. I have learned to embrace the fact that we are a body not one man. I have learned to love not lecture. Most important I have learned to rest on the knowledge and understanding God has given and use that alone as the basis of my current decision making process in this season however long it may last.

I think for me all I have learned this season goes back to understanding what true love is. It goes back to focusing on the horizontle plane rather than the verticle for a time. Jesus obviously really didn't mess around in the second half of John 2 He threw over money tables and had a side to him that was frustrated with peoples defiling of His house. In all His infitude and wisdom though as the first part of John 2 talks about He didn't give everything that was absolutley necessary like the wine with His first miracle in Cana. And I look at my way to approaching ministry and I realize that foremost love is patient as 1 corinthians 13 talks about.Love is,yah, not giving people what they want all the time, yet at the same time sometimes it is doing and giving those things you never thought you should give. We should live with smiles on our face, yah, consider the consequences but rest secure that God has you under His wing and will protect you as Isaish talks about. As I corinthians 8 talks about as well in verse 10-12 we are called not to live a ministry of absolute necesssity because it can cause our brothers in Christ to stumble. We are to be not of the culture but always realize that some ways the only way to reach a place is by a necessity of fulfilling desires that arn't necesarrily really necessary.

After I got back from the freshman welcome dinner last night I went out with one of my roomates to a cigar smoking party. As I was sitting there with everyone smoking around the bonfire but me and a few others and how they really didn't have anything to say until they were "buzzed" as they called it. I realized something I never realized before that some men because of circumstance and the way they are need a totally radically different way to get deeper with one another than simply let's get in a circle and talk about our problems. We as christians brothers to them need to be patient and not tear their heart apart. I have used this technique for honestly all my life in getting deeper with men around me but the thing is it can't be this season's response...

I have realized over the past couple days a strong desire within me is just a desire to have some other guy partnering with me in ministry not necessarily someone who I can talk to about anything but rather someone to serve with. I had the oppurtunity to lead with several wonderful men of God over the course of highschool and the bond that is there I know that is what I miss. In my quest to attain oneness with Christ I ended up forgetting the fact I will have all the time with Him in eternity. This life is a season in which we are to focus not only on the vertictle with God but we must focus on the the horinzontle with the people that are here. We don't need a radical new ministry, we need a transformation from the inside out. Realize though when the Spirit is prompting to bless you with sharing in the response of someone else. Never take it into your own hands, though. Never. It robs God the glory He is most certainly due!

JG

Carried to the Table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

-Carried to the table
Leeland
Sounds and Melodies

Lessons from Reflection upon wine

With the Lord's help I will hopefully be able to get at least the begining of this written tonight...I have been interuppeted in writing this twice now so it is my hope the third attempt will be the charm as they say...
As I continue to write this almost a week later and the periodic edits I am currently sitting at my desk...a new desk,a new place where so many wonderful things will be written over the course of this upcoming and currently continuing year. I am honestly hardly containing my joy at the fact that I have the privledge to be a scribe in a sense to what God is doing here, it is with great joy I pen every word that is here...it with great joy that I recount in the next year what God is going to do!


It seems that God has taught me so much these past few weeks. I feel honestly like I have a list that is a mile long that I could write. Like always, however, I will let the Spirit dictate these hands and let Him move the words through me. It is far shorter and far better that way.

I have been thinking, pondering a lot about the fact of why Christians feel oftentimes powerless to do anything when given a foreign situation. We have a life transforming message but how often do we fully know the extent of the message that we preach. It is much like my childhood... I grew so much because the spirit guided me. Yet little did I know what foundation was being built by the spirits guidance and my actions. We are so unaware of what God's full plan is because I don't think we can wrap our mind around the whole fact that God is so incredible and moving in so many wonderful ways that don't seem like the rituals we seek to cling to, we can't adapt quick enough to this new higher calling. But why? What happened to the days of old when the spirit would leap forth from a place and countless things would be done and changed because of it? I ask myself the question why is something not being done and we as Christians with a radically powerful message are so crippled and powerless.

I think it has every part to do as I heard it said tonight that we are not one. I remember the picture of Christ sweating blood because he was so troubled and praying so atimately for us christians to be one. I have seen over these past weeks fellowship so sweet here but it isn't everywhere here and that troubles me there are still pockets of community not aq big blob of ommunity. We are the body, we are meant to experience fellowship so sweet. We need to as Bush says leave no child behind. Leave no child of the most high alone to fend for himself or herself in a world of ravenous lions. We need to raise them up!

I wonder so often all these questions about initative and should we wait on the Spirit's prompting. Should we trust ourselves when the Spirit is not guiding? Is there really one way to spiritual growth much like the way to heaven? I have so many questions in my mind and it all boils down to the very choices we make. What should determine our choices?

The spirit brought me to John 2 over the past couple days. Reading it over and over again I come to several conclusions about such matters as listed above. I was struck by the whole fact that Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine. Much like Moses' first miracle in Egypt, turning water into blood. I think we can draw a comparision in the fact that in communion remembering Christ and the sacrifice made we must remember that it was all to point out that His death was not a necessity but a gift. Much like the fine wine being given after the poorer wine was given. We see also that Jewish entitlement had a necessity for the blood!

The second thing I pulled out is when Jesus rebukes his mother asking her the question "woman what does this have to do with us? My time has not come" My discerning spirit atomatically picks up a kind of harsh tone. But I think if you look at it ,yeah, it is a rebuke but I think it is different than a lot of the rest of Jesus' questions and teaching in the fact it was made to make her think of something else entirely. The question phrased in this way truly states" my time has not come, why do you push me, God, to give you anything that I haven't given you?" As is shown though he chooses to bless those things which were good and those who submited. Mary was submissive and submited herself to the words Jesus said instead of her own plans.

I think in a lot of ways the only way to seek initative clearly is to submit and let God dictate the show. I've heard it said several times the best thing you can do to a church is fire a bullet into a ministry. I think in a lot of ways the world doesn't need another campus group, it doesn't need anything other than God dictating the show and we being sumissive and one. Jesus was sweating blood the very same blood that saved us when he prayed that we would be one. We should regard His blood highly and that he would shed His very life that we might have an ability to be one...that is something.

JG

Shattering the Glass Perception

To think of expectations
now shattered by my observations
airplanes of old raised to blue heavens
soaring above the green havens

To think of lack of expectations
now shattering these glass perceptions

oh what beauty to know
what was old is now new
This new calm
unknown to the fall

And as I soar, am raised renewed
I am sprinkled by this ever wonderful dew

oh what beauty to know
what was old is now new
This new calm
unknown to the fall

If only I had time to put together a coherent thought

So I want to blog really badly but I am only left with 10minutes of free time this afternoon so perhaps I may be able to blog tonight!...I am really hopeing but let's just say God is AMAZING!!! what He is doing here is amazing. Also what he is doing around me is AMAZING!!! What He is doing in people is AMAZING!!! And I wish so badly to make a coherent thought of text tonight because my God is so AMAZING!!! and I hope you can get a glimpse through the words I write here. So until tonight...!!!

JG

Peaceful Lullabies

These times when paper seems to be so rare
and I need to write these words to you
where oceans break and sunsets still
when I find myself on this road inbetween

With peacefull lullabies, and traveling hope
when Your ways seems so truly wonderful

You are surrounding
You are this stillness
How could this happen to me
I am so undeserving

I look back on the faithfullness of the past
I am simply staggered
I look forward to this faithfullness continuing
I am simply amazed

With peacefull lullabies, and traveling hope
when Your ways seems so truly wonderful

with a heart of peace
with a heart of wonder
I love You, I love Your ways
in this beautiful stillness

It's been an interesting week almost in a sense being thrown into an apparently similar situation going back to school etc. but so radically different than last year. The thing is things here are so wonderfully foreign to me that I can't seem to make any sense of it. But I know that is what exactly and how it is supposed to play out...because there are lessons to be learned in faith and trusting in God's faithfullness. By all accounts looking back on my life and God's incredible faithfullness I shouldn't even doubt he will be faithful and sovereign in the future. Yet somehow I do sometimes and that has led me to honestly question how deep my faith really does run. I know I have grown so much in that this summer and even as 1 thessalonians talks about that I would pursue on to sanctification even more, and I have seen God's faithfulness in doing that so much. I know though that my faith is not flawless, but I will pursue it til in my belief and my faith in Jesus I believe Him to be the very God He exclaims Himself to be.

I know in so many ways I am begining to see the rippling effect of this revival that is currently happening and it is a beautiful ripple. For instance yesterday while I went down to Magic Mountain and I happened to be in line for the Goliath( sweet roler coaster) there was this group of like 13 people just singing to our True Maker at the top of their lungs and it was beautiful. I have seen so much that what Christians have in the fellowship department is so sweet and it is not to be even compared to anything else because it is that different when it is true.

I got the oppurtunity I think it was wednesday night to meet the summer project that went down to Santa Monica and the fellowship and them just wanting to sing worship songs enjoying the company of God in each other's presence that was so sweet. I got the chance to lead them in a couple of worship songs and I wonder why so much blessing has come to me with my talents and abilities and i know God just wants to bless us so much if only we let Him and know as the little saying says JESUS LOVES YOU, think about that a perfect God love YOU that is something to sing about.

Anyways the rooomates are up and about and I need to get some food in me, so until I find a divine appointment with my keyboard you are all in my prayers and I love all of you so incredibly much. This place is blessed and I love it.

JG

Week one!

Campus Crusade has about 2,000 contact cards from the WOW week SLO bound downtown event. I, along with all the other T1 Bible study leaders are going to follow up on the freshmen in the dorms who showed interest (roughly half of the cards, so about 1,000). There is a lot of fruit to be taken by storm from this place. Cal Poly is tremendously blessed, as a tree abundantly producing fruit and as it falls on the ground, the seed takes root and new trees are born. We have Christian clubs and events and community, and all the resources that most college Christian communities could only dream of having. My prayer is that we will not just win the freshmen, or even stop with building them into men and women of God, but that we we will send them out to the corners of the earth both domestically and abroad, workplace, and home with a passion to disciple others and send them out as we did them. I pray God that we will fulfill the great commision and not just be a Christian comfort zone for four years. We have all the opportunities in the world, without much, if any persecution. Thank you God for all of the men and women that have gone before me and prayed the way for all of this to be possible! I pray let us never ever take for granted all the blessings that you have given to us. Prepare our hearts, Lord and use me and all the other leaders. Develop us into the leaders you desire, that we may train, encourage, and disciple others that they may do the same as they walk in our footsteps, and we in the footsteps of the ones that stepped up to the plate before us. God, I want my years here to continue throughout eternity through the way I am able to impact my freshmen guys. I pray use us, though we are not perfect, because that is what you love to do, God!
-Colin

Being Back

Undoubtably it is nice to be back but it is not the same in any likness and that is a shame but of definate necessity. It seems strange because in a sense I almost feel depressed being back, I can't exactley put a finger on it. Who knows maybe its spiritual warfare, maybe the change, maybe realizations about just how truly awesome the first year was. Like I said before I don't know I can't put my finger on what it is.

Things are good though I really like the people I am living with but I need to take the first steps in getting things in order for the line of accountability and other things etc. that need to be set up in a sense. God gracously gave me all those things last year but this year I am actually having to take initative in things and it is rough because it is so incredibly different.

Untitled

It is seldom that I would refuse to name something because I believe it is nice to know what one is looking at in generality...but today I will leave this blog title as Untitled because I believe there to be no structure to what exactley God is doing here. Consequently because of that my writing here will likewise have no structure but I know it all is going to work out for His glory but I can put no thread of commonality between the two. And quite frankly that is really awesome! Thank God that He doesn't work in the common ways that there is creativity in His ways! That in every step that we are able to take through Him we can move in uncertain ways new ways!

The last couple days have def been interesting, def unstructured. I ended up pulling an "all nighter" with the middle schoolers the fri-Sat before I was to fly out on Sunday. A forth of them ended up accepting Christ, about 15 total which was awesome but I do wonder why there seems to be victory over Satan whenever and wherever I go, because after this summer i do not view myself as highly as I once did, I consider myself nothing compared to my Jesus and His spirit within me.

Another interesting thing that happened is I feel so unprepared for this upcoming year because I have no idea what it is going to look like...in a sense I am only dependant on Christ which is a totally honestly new thin, the place I should be always but I feel so weak. I am gaining so much understanding in all this silence and season but how my flesh would trade it for a season of emotional consistency and strength in my own right.

It's interesting now being back at school because in a sense it is so radically different than what I knew last year but I think it is awesome because I need not establish any commonality if I am to truly pursue Jesus Christ. Honestly I feel part of me wanting to simply be babied but as it talks about in the bible I need meat not milk.I know I have entered a new era of my christianity and I need fear nothing beside my Father or get discouraged in anything but this season it is a killer I don't know what is going on I have consistent headaches I feel almost as if something is missing and granted school hasn't started yet and I don't have anything to keep my mind off of things but I am so sick of this season .

My worst fear is the fact that maybe it won't be the same which obviously it is not going to be the same. Things are rekindled but they are themselves a different fire and keep dilgence and more effort to do things. I am so sick of this season once again. Rory comes home today which will be good, I do wonder if the whole kinda funk I am in is because I am not surrounded by non[-christians because I know I have a mission field and that is the whole field I am called to. Perhaps God is clarifying that within me or perhaps he is simply pointed out the necessity for that calling in my life in particular.

Evan and Matt are great and I know they have necessary things to do but I wish they would just come and talk . That is what I will be praying to is that they would simply just come out and talk to me . Because I feel lonely I have always had the ability to ask really good deep questions but I don't think beyond that i have any special abilities with relationships it all seems to flow from who I am and the suckyness I have in relationships.

Or perhaps maybe this is all to draw me to Elise which I am fine with but I know you are not calling me to neglect the guys here in this apartment. It is very difficult to determine your calling in my life and I am quite useless it would seem. I just feel so powerless placed in situations I put myself in but not knowing what exactley it is all about and why you directed me into this place. I am called to delight. Mr. Nee wants me to be still but not anylyze what is going on. I think in gaining this new ground I neglected some of the older. I hate how this is always a balanceing act between the new and the old. Keeping the old but never forgetting the present and rooting outselves in the future. It is so difficult to manage.

I seem to just be ranting maybe because of all of it but I just want to say that I am just so incredibly tired of it all.

I wonder though what exactley this new era will look like but I know it will be good...and that is good but it is very unsettling everything being foreign.

JG

Gentile and Jewish Entitlement

I've been meditating on a question for the past couple days "Do we as gentiles have the same entitlement of blessing just as we have an entitlement for Salvation as was given to the Jews?" Now I know what you are saying of course we are entitles to the same stuff. But I believe it to be more murcky than that. Before you get all pissed at me for maybe dwelving into murcky territory and asking questions that need to be asked I am going to simply put scripture forward and my thoughts and try and string it together. I will let you decide for yourself these are merely my observances and what I see pointed out in scripture...

"If you will return, O Israel, return to me", declares the Lord"If you put your detestible idols out of my sight and no longer go astray and if in a truthful just and righteous way you swear" As surely as the Lord lives, then the nations will be blessed by Him and Him they will (give) glory (to)"
-Jeremiah 4:1-2

You can see as Jeremiah points out that if Israel returns to the Lord at any point in history putting and laying aside sin then that the entire world will give glory to Him because of it. I do wonder though if Him points and means directly Jesus(rehtorical ?) If they turn will they themselves see Glory and see Jesus? I think that is the beautiful part about it all that if we don't sin then we see Jesus all the clearer! It's strange that if the Jews turn that everyone else sees. It's very strange. Indirect missions...

God proclaims in Jeremiah 11 "cursed is the man who does not obey the terms of this covenant -the terms I commanded your forefathers when I brought them out of Egypt out of the iron smelting furnace. I said obey me and do everything I command you, and you will be my people and I will be your God. Then I will fulfill the oath I swore to your forefathers to give them a land flowing with milk and honey-the land you pocess today"

It kinda sucks for the jews that because of the covenant made 5000 years or so ago that they are cursed when they do not obey because that was their responsibility. I wonder though if living indirectly under their covenant still today if we are curse when we choose to not act in accordance with obedience. I see that all the time that God will bring us back in order that we might have purpose and be used to tell at least someone about the good news found in Jesus!

It's sad to see that almost 5,000 or so years after the covenant with Israel that that region does not know Jesus, it would seems the Jews failed. I think it was because they didn't have the holy Spirit. That is probably why in round two with the gentiles he sent the Holy Spirit because he knew without it we couldn't do it.

One question remains though "Should we as gentiles bring this idea up once again of blessing flowing in indirect missions? "

Side track...but I know this will be valuable. Elise and I have had a lot of discussion about what exactly is the best mission work and mission approach. Normally we say it inderectly and don't even realize it but the answer always ends up being prayer and a heart fixed on God. God will fulfill his promise in blessing those who bless Him but I know three fold that we must follow certain things in order to stay the path of obedience. We need not grieve the Spirit by being a people of prayer. a people firmly rooted in the word that we may recognize when the Spirit speaks.And lastly ee must fulfill the great commision by being true flames. We need to be flames of discipleship. We need to be pouring those two things into other peoples. We must pour prayer and the word into other people. It is of a necessity that we do not even comprehend!

We must always also remember that God is not done with the Jews but until they turn to Him, Jesus our savior as well, we as christians need to obey and be blessed that the world may bring Glory to Him!

JG

Lessons from Reflection upon the Jewish Intent

Like I was saying last night things have shifted over this summer. To what extent I have no idea, the only hint I have to the extent is the shocked expression I have when I look at who I am. I can't help wondering with things so different what intent God has for this new season I am entering into. My only hint comes from somethin I have learned in studying through the old testement.

Many people wonder why...in particular with the jewish people...why exactly God chose them and I think oftentimes we don't see what exactley they were put here for and why God chose them. It my strong held belief that the Jewish people were to always point to Jesus...their coming messiah! They were to be so radically different in their obedience and from the outside culture that God would be able to bless them so incredibly much that all the generations would know that their messiah was the way to salvation, that their God was the true God.

Instead of turning to blessing though they turned to the voice of another. They did not continually pour themselves into the word of the prophets. There are so many lessons we can learn. One in particular though that fits with the lake analogy of last night (that I now have a lake to draw from instead of a small pond) I believe God is calling and saying that "I want to bless you so incredibly much that the world will see your blessing and it will point to Me. That tis what I believe God is doing in San Luis Obispo. I wonder in particular why we are not mentioned in the revival prophecies that have come from those down in LA. But I am so selfish to believe that God is so good he wants to do even greater things through us even greater than reival.

I am not a hundred percent sure but I will do my best to make sure that when revival does hit as it has had its begining last year..it will never die with the people in SLO. I count on God's spirit going foreward aheadand doing as habbukuk talks about doing something that I could not even comprehend percieve or inagine.

JG

The Summer Season

This is the first time I am really sitting down stopping all I have to do and reflecting upon what exactley God has done with me this summer. It's interesting because in not stoppin since really spring break, march of this year, I am going to have to sift through an entires years worth of God's teaching in my life, and I know it is a very difficult task ahead of me because God has sifted and shaped my heart so much. I know where my heart was at this time last year and I look at my heart today and wonder what man stands before me? For if you were to see the old man I was you surely would not believe I am that same man!

I guess I will begin with the silence and perhaps only focus on that because the picture above is so fitting to what I believe the whole key to this summer was. In giving this summer one word it would fall somewhere between radically different, desert, and utter silence. And I am very careful not to define it as one word because one is not fitting at all because it has not been complete silence but rather a time of a different way of God speaking and it hasn't been a dessert because I have had diligence and been learning so much but it is dessertesqe if you will and I feel very strange in the fact that I cannot define the word.

I think the above picture is so fitting because it's not so much that I don't have any water in this dessertesqe season, maybe that's just the thing? I have an entire lake that has been given to me but I need to begin to use the lake... begin to cultivate the hard soil and let things begin to grow. But I think I look so often to the old ways, the fact that I could get my replenishment from the little lakes not this unending bigger source. And the thing is I don't know when things shifted really? All I know is that things are somehow now incredibly differetnt. I have different responsibilities because of the choices i have made for Christ. And I think that's just the thing I feel so incredibly overwhelmed because all of it is new, it is good but it is new.

Well I think that is all I will write for the evening. I will repost this tommorow with tommorows thoughts but as for now I am going to sleep.
JG

Something Unexpected

It is interesting to think of the directions that God takes us in in our lives...to think of all the unexpected u turns regular turns underpasses overpasses tunnels and everything else that He has in line for our often times not very straight directionally lives. Often times it reminds me of a quest where you have to go get something in a far off land to fix something in your own land. It is not until you have the knowledge or something you gain in that different land that you can set things right once again.

This summer has not been a straight road in any fashion andI have never known what quite to expect in it. But it has been a blessing in disguise, and a time of gaining knowledge that I need to go back to a distant land and set things once again right.

This friday in particular God took me on an unexpected turn, I thought I knew precisely what direction God was going to be directing things in...but as is the case in these summer months I have no idea being prophetically and conversaitonally blind what turn is coming up next. All I know is that I must gain something somewhere else to gain where I thought God was going. In particular God gave me friday night a very interesting direction for next year a means if you will but an end also. I will not mention it in its fullness here because I have yet to take time and pray about the matter but it involves the blessed fellowship of the saints and something even greater than revival. Think of it a people of God planted on the central coast whose hearts would never ever die in passion for Jesus and His word, His communion,His spirit, and His delight! A people who went out to all nations and preached in every single corner of the globe. Millions laying facedown running and dedicating their lives to Jesus. All starting with the personal life that we have with Jesus, everything good that will flow out of that! I think that is something to talk about.

I think to some degree retartadly I am still putting God in a box but as I have been reading about Jewish culture and how radically different Jesus is I don't think we can ever ever ever fully grasp even a glimpse of who our Creator is! Take for instance Jesus, studying jewish culture through the dead sea scrolls something radical comes out of Jesus Christ. He was the author of the parable! Before that there were no metaphors used in the average conversation or teaching but Jesus took it mainstream! He took something ordinary and made it extraordinary! We should never limit God because his ends are not even close to the ends to our means!He reflects himself in everything but it doesn't even come close!

As I take time to reflect over the next week spending time in "the fort" I will try and let the spirit clarify this direcion and these ends but I doubt mere words could contain my God's acts. He is the incromprable God after all!

May all of you who read this be blessed and I look forward to seeing all your beautiful faces very soon!

JG

To You (unexpected)

Oh the love and delight
of the Three in One, Divine Heavenly Light
of the friendship and deep communion they bring
those Three of whom I fear, love and sing

In unity I gave it all to You
Fear of God that drew me into You
blessed Spirit, that moves this heart to sing to You
I give it all to to You

To You,to You...to You

Jesus who came to earth to die
He gave it all to You,
And it was the fear of God that drew Him
blessed Spirit that moved His heart to sing
He gave it all for You

And oh the love and delight
one in three, heavenly light
and oh the friendship and deep communion that He brings
those three of whom I fear, love and will forever sing

To You, to You...to You

JG

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
of plans uncharted and plans of fall
to know the unknowable
to find a once untrue now true fable

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
oh to see it come in the fall

Oh to see what tapesty was weaved
in summer days, then missed, not percieved
to know hearts that were sifted
seeking God with dilegence, hearts now shifted

Oh the intricate thread that ties us all
oh to see it come in the fall

And we praise this God who has weaved it all
He who knit and paved the way for the fall
so intricate so fine, an unmistakable line
oh to see and know it all, what a beautiful time!

JG

On my right hand

There was a while, about a year and a half that I wore my purity ring on my left hand. This was a sign to God of my single devotion to His work through my life and my unwavering toward anything involving relationships. Things have changed though! Wednesday night I switched my ring from my left to my right hand, signifying that I am choosing God's plan not my own of singleness and sole unwavering devotion to God.
I know to most of you this would come as no hard choice by any means and it is the same now with me, but over the course of this year and especially over the course of this summer God has changed my heart. He has changed my direction and is designing a plan that I couldn't even imagine!
As I got the chance to talk to Elise last night, having some much needed time alone in conversation I knew that this choice to pursue God with the ring on my right hand, this is the right choice! How could God design something undesignable and execute with such beauty! I am amazed!
I do not know what plans God has I have a few general ideas but like all things God blows me away! He is so truly awesome!
JG

A commonly coined phrase

So I would have to say that my thoughts as of late have been scattered, much like diffused light. So I will say this evening as I write that you shouldn't expect anything from these scattered thoughts these are for me. But I will post them because God has a way of working and speaking through the chaos and that is awesome but it boggles my mind everytime. So if the words I am about to write make any sense thank the spirit not I!
This summer has been a blessing, but very difficult. With the prospect that I only have 8 more days of work, Elise has returned home and I am experiencing the blessing that was given to me in SLO,and my sister and all my fellowship here is gone and off to college prettymuch I find myself very lonely. I find myself longing for the future in so many ways! I find myself lately being incredibly lazy in a funk and rather honestly tired. But as always I should rejoice, taking time to honestly sit back and enjoy it, in the present. Infact I was thinking on the way home in this reworked heart that I find within asking "why wouldn't I rejoice in the present?" I came up with some strange theological concept about us only being half flesh and half spirit. Thinking about the whole fact that knowing what God has planned somewhat for me, I should rejoice in the fact that this is going to be the easy part! I should be taking the time to rejoice in the easy. I know that doesn't explain the theological concept at all but understand I am just trying to gain perspective not sit here and come up with concepts that may or not be true. The bible is the only thing honestly we should take a lot of deep thought and time to understand!

Like most nights I am sitting here, alone with the silence of my thoughts, a pretty scary thing! The thing is though that this week has been different because my parents have been out, I have been watching my neighbors dogs and house and honestly been able to just do whatever I want to, and I see the first light of the core that has been developed in me shining through and it is cool. But I understand that I have so much more covering to rip off that wonderful light!

Over the past week I have gotten the oppurtunity to blare music, sit in silence, dance uncontrolably, record on the grand, and honestly be free in Jesus Christ, I feel so often times although I live in a christian world to a sense here in CO I am chained! That is precisely why I go to the Springs every Fri, so I can be crazy, jump up and down and show how I really feel about this guy named Jesus! It is pretty awesome!

Also in regards to scripture, my biblical scholar side is coming out once again, I'm glad I've been missing him! I have been dwelving into the hebrew language in all of its subtlties! It is also reallly awesome. Reasearching books that weren't included in the canon, reading through the dead sea scrolls commentaries from the 1st century AD on Isaiah and on the creation. Fascinating works! I still regard the bible as number 1 but because of my world view I don't believe the knowledge of Jesus Christ is limited to just those books that were included in the common era bible !

On one other note I think I am going to try and get some of my character back into my writing by asking a rediculouus question or by adding some really lame quote at the end of this blog every time I post!

2QOTD
"The VP, he look like Ralph, he good looking man, even better than Ralph!"
-Polo sales associate talking about the vice president of Polo Ralph Lauren that visited today...

"You know John it's not Jesus Christ who is the most commonly understood thing in the world, not the bible...it's Coca Cola"
-My friend jonathan


JG

New things

So this is what is up with the post below this one...I am getting really into mixed media things and I found this site that hosts free video blogging so the bottom one was just a test. But get ready cause here comes powerful words, moving music, and cool images!
JG

Popcorn

Click to Play

bored late at night in Sequoia!

the Attributes... Radiance

There was a man who smiled like the sunrise
His face I can’t forget
His love displayed was unlike any other
He humbly dressed just like a vagabond with
Discourse like a King
And when he talked the angels stopped to listen

Hosanna
Filio David
Hosanna
In Altisimis

(Hosanna, Son of David, Hosanna in the Highest)

He often spoke about a Kingdom coming
His words I can’t forget
Where all who come may rest beneath His mercy
Where royalty is flowing through the veins of
Every citizen
And every soul is treasured like a promise

Hosanna
Filio David
Hosanna
In Altisimis
-Jason Morant

Much like this a song I want these words to be read slowly and the reader to be at peace! Taking in each word, and giving time inbetween for them to flow one by one into unceasing praise, and glory be given to the Father, Son, and Spirit! these our my requests for continuance in reading...

I have the chance to be alone tonight, to sit in a quiet house and simply gather my thoughts in a comfy chair, with wonderful music playing in the backround, with a coffee cup by my side and the dogs panting and lounging with the rain pattering outside my window much like every Friday so far this summer.

It is so wonderful to realize tonight that God delights in His people. He delights in me! To simply sit still long enough to delight in HIm to worship Him, WOW! To know fully that history has shown the people who know they are loved become powerful people...and they are used incredibly undeserving all the time.

Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! -rev 19:6b

I sit right now amazed at the continuance and fluidity of all God is doing and the fact that when I sat down last night to talk to Elise I knew God was going to deal with the desires He has placed within me. Being made in the very image of God I find there are same desires placed inside of me as eerily similar as it can get to the very Trinity! He has placed within me, desires, incredible emotions that He has placed in every human.

And to simple take the time to look at the provision He has given! A desire to be loved completely which has been fully satisfied by Him. A desire to give myself to something whole heartedly which He has given me the choice and ability to give my all. A desire to look good which will be fulfilled, "For the wedding of the lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given her to wear.( fine linen which stands for the righteous acts of the saints)Rev 19:7-8 " in glorious radiance! A desire to be greater than all before me, which he has given me the path!"...Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servent , and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many(Matt 20:26-28). Hosanna hallelujah!

I believe after much consideration, I have come to a few questions about our desires... How often do we literally crucify desires when perhaps God just wants to shape our heart through the struggle in the process of getting that desire realigned with the will of Heaven!? How often do we simply let the knowledge of the full satisfaction we know in Christ move through us, letting that very thing change our desires!? We should know that any desire that does not center around the character of God is wrong and doesn't necesarily need to be crucified but rather it should be transformed as only the Holy Spirit can do! We never should take the easy way out! We should always pursue the blessed Trinity's character and let our eyes, fixed on something eternal, move to that very mindset of being focused on the everlasting. We should focus on the treasures of heaven! Letting radient white linen be our robe. Sittting at the very right hand of Jesus should be our goal. Never be too easily satisfied! CS LEWIS said "the problem with Christians is that we are too easily satisfied!" We should never settle for second best! We should never settle for anything less than righteousness that shines with a radiance unseen before!!!We should live with desires fully on fire, more than anyone on the planet and let that transform the world, our passion!!!!!!!

JG

the Attributes... New Foundation

It's interesting now that I honestly have made my peace in the season God has placed me in, my foundation reworked for the most part, God is begining to show me what exactley this new foundation is for. I am begining to see how incredibly key all of this summer has been. It's in order to do things I never thought I would be able to do, relationships I thought I would never be able to get into, or at least handle. I am not going to utter any prophecy tonight because I am still spiritually blind for the most part. I wanted to say though that I am excited!!! Oh the plans God has for those who fully surrender!!! Oh the revival that will come in our hearts when we have faith!

JG