Abundantly

Tozer once said something to the effect of"time is no longer a devouring lion for those belonging to the new birth but a purring kitten.

I come in full realization of that:our God is most splendidly incredible!

That is beautiful isn't it.

God has a way of blowing me away by the fact He doesn't just merely provide but provides in bigger ways than I could ever imagine or realize!

I do not believe God to be a minimalist but to be an abundamentalist or morethanenoughalist.

And the thing is He gives it to the most undeserving people!

Long have I held to the idea that God in His very nature is an abundamentalist always providing the means for us to grow and flourish in undescribable ways at an given moment.

And that is the point I want to stop and meditate on tonight:

Over this past year or so my writing has completely changed stylelistically. I think I finally understand why tonight! God has showed me how truly available are the means to make a man somehow get closer to God HImself rather abundantly! Every finite moment has the possibility of taking us into the infinite of the far surpassing greatness that comes from what God alone gives!

It is in that light that the attributes of God and the diciplines of man become deeper and more fuller. Needless to say more difficult to write of as well.

The honesty I had in my old writing is harder to achieve because what I see and understand now takes more thought to get me to the point of all encompassing a finite thing that was never truly finite. A much fuller thing has become in my mind.

And I think in a lot of ways that the fact that during my three hour conversation with my best friend this morning showed...God is doing abundantly much in and around me and I can't encompass an infinite God in a finite pen and key stroke.

But my heart in it's infinte inadequacy can't stop recount such things.

Perhaps that's the reason three out of the four gospel writers wrote chronologically they could not describe it any other way: they saw God to be infininite a God of Ever-abundance!
JG

Clarity

There a moments where I believe we all see God in clarity.We see His splendid character and for a brief moment see what He is doing. It is in those moments, these beautiful moments that all momentary cares fade away.

Last night as I finally got to hear this years direction from those leaders appointed by God himself my heart welled up with the knowledge of the fulfillment of promises of long ago.

I continue to write. A pile continues to grow of work to do.But that is no trouble to this soul. My heart praises God. When I look into the Almighty's eyes all else is drowned out by who He is.

I have my direction for this quarter: Four steps closer to understanding the seven!

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power through-out the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze:

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God. how great Thou art!

JG

In every change...!

In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro’ thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

JG

Reflection :the everfruit

It is fast approaching the morning hours and I find myself surpirisingly where I began this whole college thing. Sitting. Writing. Pondering.
Reflect... it has a way of putting things into perspective. This is good.

Subtle misunderstood ways: the everfruit

There is a part of me that would love to sum up my entire summer in the following click clacks of my keyboard. To recount all that God has taught me. I would love upon reflection to clear all of the thick cloud of darkness that surrounds the light of God's character and the depth of HIs wisdom God has graced me with in this summer.

BUT I doubt an understanding of that degree is going to come until I sit in silence and reflection for an extended time. That is probably not going to happen for a while, God is busy doing so much in this place.

But although I will be inadequate beyond belief to describe the indescrible God I still worship in this way:

For most of this summerI I have taken my lunch breaks in the UU of our university here. I sit up a story or two and watch people go by. It has been during this time that God has shown me tons about HIs heart for this year. This week has been incredible in respect to the fact that the freshman are roaming the campus once again and all that God has shown me finally has some clarity!

The battle plan for this year I am calling the "everfruit" oftentimes subtle and incredibly misunderstood .

I am calling it such a thing because I have believed for a long while and have prayed that God would begin an ever-revival here in SLO and to a greater extent for this nation. And in a lot of ways God is doing such a thing. I cannot deny it.

I see all around people taking stands as they have never before living in holiness and in community. Making the things they do an ever-_____. I see God doing miracles in our midst and I cannot deny it: God is doing a mighty work in this place!!!

I see God shaping circuimstance to pick up for our inadequacies! He is making sure what He desires is to be done and His people are moved in increidbly ways in the process. I am truly excited for what God is going to do with a people that say I would rather have what Jesus will be done far beyond anything else!

This people's ministry this year will be nothing close to what a campus minsitry normally does: many people will probably get frustrated by all this change. In reaching everyone ithings must be this way. This battle plan will be more subtle leaving room for God's spirit to brood and find the restless souls. He will go ahead and like Jericho He will knock down the many walls before us but we must go by His path. It is is His divine timing: a far better one.

We must not neglect to recognize the subtle ways:the everfruit!

We must be men and women of prayer, fasting, and holding to the power found in the Word of God believing it and seeing it to be as it truly is!

JG

A little Jesus in you

While I was in Compton over spring break of this year we sang this awesome song at a church I attended down there" a little Jesus in you, a little Jesus in me." I was thinking a lot about what God has been teaching me these past few days or so and that short little phrase describes it perfectly.

We have a little Jesus inside of each one of us who follow Jesus.

The holy Spirit is Jesus inside of us. That is phenominal!

Jesus decided to give us all of Himself :dying for sins and also living inside of us redeeming us and making us die to our sin.

Not many people will give you all of themselves. But He gave us ALL of HImself! How incredible is that alone!

JG

Once upon a time..

If You gave a boy a sword would it give him the means to become a man?
Something born of legend and things written long ago?
If You took him through an epic quest would it give him strength
to defy a masquerade of light?

If you gave this boy the armor of a knight fused in light would It give him the means to become a man?
Something born of legend and things written long ago?
If You took him through an epic quest would it give him strength
to slay a masquerade of light?

Tis this fairytale named destiny
Wishing upon a star
The prince who was once upon a time a pauper
Who saw and wished upon that very shooting star

Demons and angels, teller and hearers
Legends and epics…once upon a time

If you gave this boy a princess would it give him the means to become a man?
Something born of legend and things written long ago?
If You took him through an epic quest to rescue what was broken and taken away would it give him strength?
Enough to fight a masquerade of light?

If you gave this boy the keys to a legendary place?
Something born of the ruins of long ago?
Would the walk through the remanants of the ages shape His soul?
This boy who once upon a time dared to wish upon a shooting star?

JG

Though, You Slay me

It is funny how reading over your own words has the power to affect us in such a powerful intimate way as it does. My own words next to scripture seem to be a great and only comfort in this dreadful and wonderful summer God has been bringing me through.

My own humanity and flesh made apparent by this time spent in my words led by the spirit and scriptures inspired by the HOLY spirit makes this time a very difficult sobering and very honest one.

I found myself comforted by the words penned by Isaiah and habbakuk last night:

"Do not tremble and do not be afraid; have I not since long announced it to you and declared it?"

"Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

When I forget what God has prepared me for I loose the whole greater thing that God is doing.

My roomate was saying something that was quite prophetic in nature the other night. Demons like to make us forget about certain things that would allow our faith to swing to the side of emotional rather than based on the intimate truth God reveals to each one of us.

God has prepared me for all that He is bringing me into. When I sit reflect and read the seven journals documenting this christian life they all point to a preperation for this. I cannot deny that!

I was sitting a month ago in my driveway with my dearest christian brother in his car. I was tellling him about what God was doing in regards to Elise at the time. He said something quite profound at that time.

" John, this is far greater than a mere miracle, God has been preparing you for a far greater thing one in which your faith will be perfected, What God is about to do will change everything in your life, He will no longer be God but He will be the God who did this... ."

When I forget all this when I get overwhlemed by the present and loose sight of the God of the ages I loose everything.

" You know, Lord that I will obey because I know the things you have for me to do are for my benefit. Who You are is undeniable if only I would bare those things to the forfront of my mind. The task before me is not easy, Lord you know this. My head and heart are a muck. I am fully weak apart from You.I echo job's words, "though You slay me I will trust in you...this will be my salvation." You are my hope You are my joy. My only one.

You know I reside where the devil has lived since the most distant age. But you are the God who has dwelt in and amoung us since the dawn of our birth. Satan has made his throne in this world and the prospect of Your narrow path is a treachorous and a dangerous one contrary to the very soils and foundations of this Earth.

Lord may the narrow path be filled with joy. May I honor you in obedience in preperation for those things you have for me.I love you, Lord, Sweetest Jesus "

JG

A God Who Does Not Leave Things Broken (Thoughts on Year 1 of Many)

There are moments where I feel completely overwhlemed.

Where my lack of faith gets in the way of me trusting.

Where the soul somehow feels like it is many. Tonight was one of those nights...Tonight I needed someone to cry with. Someone to rejoice with.

There has been much chiseling of my heart that has taken place in this past year. So much redemption. Yet so infinitely much more to go. I find myself utterly overwhlemed by it all.

Today Elise and I celebrated our one year anniversary. It was such a blessing to spend the day with her and reflect on all that God has done.

How truly steep and treacherous the path was that we embarked upon.

I find myself struck by the fact that our God does not leave things broken.

All the tears. All the heart searching. All that he has done. I stand speechless and in awe.

I praise God for being nothing less than Himself. More than I could ever dream or imagine.

This is the God I desperatley desire to serve with Elise by my side.

The path will only grow more difficult, I have no doubt, but God will make himself known in it all.

Here's to year one of many...

JG

Sobering Reality

Points in life
drastic and changing
sobeing revealing

It's been one of those...

The sober reality of the work
upon my knees could I be stubbornly refuseing ?

Finding myself struggling
my lack of faith.
inadequate in the understanding

Trying to please but never really doing

The ways I want the writing
to become the clairity in a lack of understanding

Letting words of struggle and honesty speak far surpassing

... constantly to my knees in sobering reality.

Nothing Short of Breathtaking

Let me first begin by stating how much I love these times where I actually get to sit down and write. They seem these days few and far between. I am most certainly in a season where God has every moment occupied. You know though I love this time because as I write Jesus Himself continues to do incredible things in His sons and daughters around me and allows me to take part in those things which He is doing...which is so cool!

For those who I haven't talked to in a while I will catch you up with what God has done for the past three weeks or so...

This weekend, I got to visit one of the guys in my bible study. The point of the trip was to see Yosemite but God gave us who went on the roadtrip something more wonderful. We(Elise, Elise and I) were able to sit and chat with this guy in my study and see how God had given him a completely new heart . Basically God changed the course of his life over this summer...that is my God! What God has done is His heart is nothing short of breathtaking.

I got to visit another guy in my bible study as well the weekend before this one and got to be truly honest with him about those areas of my life I let very few people in...it was incredible to see how God blesses truth and how satan bitterly opposes that. There are only a few moments where satan has come flat out and attacked one of my fellow brothers or myself. I know that there is something right about letting Truth be the path we blaze because I am experiencing opposition in ways I have never had before.

The previous weekend to that one my parents came out for my birthday and it was such a blessing to spend time in fellowship with them just simply enjoying their company. I got twenty presents from Elise that weekend...she is pretty wonderful.

The rest of this week is going to be a time where God is going to start preparing my heart for what He is doing to do this upcoming year on the Cal Poly campus and how He is shaping such grand things.I am pretty stoked. I may get to sit down with another guy from my study who spent time in Japan ministering to the Saints. I am pretty excited!

Anyways that is about it...I am still sore from my eight mile hike in Yosemite so I am probably going to take a nap and perhaps go have lunch with one of my roomates. Hope all you all are doing great and God is blessing you increidbly as You continue to seek Him out in Holines and truth.

JG

5 Days in the Country

I was recentley blessed with a few days off from work and took the oppurunity to go visit a dear friend in the country. Hay bales. Country music. guns. old beat up cars. pick up trucks etc. I think you get the idea. It may have simply been the company but there is something enjoyable about just getting away from life for a while taking time to reflect and just enjoy driving in the backdrop of mile after mile of corn field with your closest friend.

And I have to believe that when you experience such a thing as what i experience in that friendship... there can be no doubt it is gave by God alone. How could I not rejoice in the fact alone. And God reassures me that I have only touched the waters edge of the greatness that is God. How wonderful is that!

JG

Such Love

I feel it. something new.
mere breath and strokes here describe it, such a thing.
dwelling thoughts.only one
such love.

Could it be?

Strike me.
All this....Reveal yourself?
Pencil marks. forever to the end
This story.

...and so it begins...

clarity.light
Divinity. breath

Could it be?
such love?

Into my eyes. Come ressurect the Dawn.

JG

The Lion's Gift

The night it is merely beginning
Spirit’s light upon tears of praise
I will forever be lost in Your eyes

Glistening reminders all through the night
These tears of St Lawrence
The Lion’s gift to welcome the night
This treasure found in the darkest of place.

Meant for you and me
Subjected to futility and small things
Ordained for a much grander destiny

Glistening reminders all through the night
These tears of St Lawrence
The Lion’s gift to welcome the night
This treasure found in the darkest of place.

The night it is merely beginning
Spirit’s light upon tears of praise
I will forever be lost in Your eyes

Simply Remembering

I was having a conversation with my mom the other day. She is finishing up writing this study on Isaiah currently and she read to me the beginning lines to her study.

Her God given introduction to this study got me thinking.

For a long while God has been telling me He is going to make all things new after all He has me in a place in my life where nothing is secure, steadfast or confident but Him alone.

I realized last night though that I have been focusing so much on this new that I forgot what has been already. I think this is a dangerous place to be for a Christian because if we are not willingly choosing to focus on what we were we will never really know what we have become or what God has done within us. This leaves God really no option but to bring to mind a remembrance of specific things through most often circumstance..

He is calling me to things that I should have actively sought out a long while ago but it is now through circumstance that I am to do these things.

It is the idea of a brick builder. How can you lay another stone if you know not where the foundation stone is or what stones are built already?

I forgot the location of my past.

It has always been below those bricks of the present.

Remember those who led you who spoke the word of God to you and considering the result of their conduct imitate their faith.
-Hebrew 13:7

In this new I have neglected much of what I see God now clearly saying.

He is calling me to understand that God is present through all of history not only the present.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever
-Hebrews 13:8

God wants me merely to recognize who He has been in order to know who He will still be even more so as I begin to truly see who He is.

I feel incredibly stupid and foolish that I find myself in this place…anyone else?

I write this not to say” oh look I’ve figured it out “cause if anything I have learned that I am stupid and am probably yet still not getting what God is teaching me.

But the beauty of it all is that we work out our faith it is not something we merely arrive at.

So tonight I write amazed at all God is doing that He waits in His prefect will to do what He is doing and never ceases to act within His nature. Revealing more and more about himself as we enter into the deepest of friendships with this God It is all laid out precisely as He would have it…in perfection.

We should not really wonder about the timing of it all. God has that covered.

JG

From Chaos to Order

"You have to understand where you have been to know where you are going"

"You have to understand what has formed you to understand what you are becoming.... "

JG

In this time...

Sermons, quiet times, conversatons,text messages ,circumstance, prayer, fellowship and the like.

They all point to one thing.

God is bringing fullest brokeness.

There is seldom a thought that is fixed on one sole thing in this culture, seldom one that we at least can pick up. I know this though that God is grafitiing His name over it all. There is nothing his signature is not over. If we can merely be observant and keep our eyes open...he will grant us sight. If we keep our ears attentive...he will unlock what was once truley deaf.

It is in this time that I am reminded of the depths from which I was saved. The filth I am.

It is in this time God continues to shape destiny in such a way that there is no place I can go except my knees.

It is in this time that I find myself in fullest oneness. Singing the notes my heart was tuned to make music from before world's birth. I scarce belive I find myself in this...Glory to Jesus alone!

JG

Psalm 40

It is very difficult to put into words what exactley God is doing. I feel inadequate to speak of such things, I simply do not have those words. My flesh would want to rush what God is doing here in this most blessed of places:but there are lessons to be learned in God's timing. So I will let God's word indwelt in the hand of man speak where season permit me not too...

I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the LORD.

How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust, And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count.

Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired; My ears You have opened; Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required.Then I said, "Behold, I come; In the scroll of the book it is written of me.I delight to do Your will, O my God; Your Law is within my heart."

I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation; Behold, I will not restrain my lips, O LORD, You know. I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation

You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me; Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.For evils beyond number have surrounded me; My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see; They are more numerous than the hairs of my head, And my heart has failed me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me; Make haste, O LORD, to help me.Let those be ashamed and humiliated together Who seek my life to destroy it; Let those be turned back and dishonored Who delight in my hurt.Let those be appalled because of their shame Who say to me, "Aha, aha!"Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; Let those who love Your salvation say continually, "The LORD be magnified!"Since I am afflicted and needy, Let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.

-Psalm 40

JG

That is cool

I've heard it said somewhere that God has everything ordained. That he has purpose somewhere in it all.

I have heard about this God. I have known this God intimately and have seen every incidence that I could refute purpose pass by without that coming to be truth.

Yet somehow my faith is still weak, there are moments where I can't see. There are moments where I doubt in what I most certainly know. That is frustrating.

I have been reading through the old testament as of late regarding Jacob and Esau and the dynamic, and questions about God's choice to allow the blessing that followed Jacob's life that still impacts us today. I have been reading it and gaining a lot of perspective on the way God made men.

For those of you who don't know me well this may come as a shocker. I struggle incredibly with the way God made me. A lot of who I am at the very core of my being stands in sharp contrast to many men. I have come to understand through much sandblasting on this now much softer heart that God made no mistake when he knit me together.

As of late though it has been increidbly hard to believe there is much purpose in me being so incredibly different. I find myself overwhelmed at the work cut out for me by my maker the one who made me specifically for the purpose ordained, predestined before the dawn of time.

My name means: YAHWEH is gracious, He is most certainly! He is walking besides me through this incredibly difficult season.

I was talking with Elise tonight a little about what an increidbly difficult week this has been and as always she poured out incredible insight into what God is doing. All of it is simply breathtaking. Women have a way of hearing that men seldom posess, what a gift for men.

I thank God for women.

I thank God for stream of conciousness, that I don't have to sum all of it up here. That I don't need to understand it all I can choose bits and pieces to focus on and work my way in faith.

That is cool.

JG

Layers Of

Every layer of truth
Every weapon given to me
Every desire
Every carefully chosen word
Everything broken. peeled away and gave for You to see

Jesus, hear the heartbeat of Your child. your son
Split before this dire need
Fury filled, silently swept away
Wholly overwhelmed by the story

Every thing I seek
Every move breaking the stillness
Every action chosen in specificity
Every secret
Everything broken. peeled away and gave for You to see

The callouses on my hands and heart
Remenants of the broken self
Humility developed in this man
Truth now becomes deeper
No longer footsteps just by sight

Every bit of glass
Every remanants of daggers
Every gift that cannot be denied
Every wound left unhealed
Everything, no more mediocrity

I could wrestle with my God.
Veins in the hands of this man
Till dawn begins breaking
Face to face in glorious morning
This move breaking the stillness
This action chosen in specificity

The callouses on my hands and heart
Remenants of the broken self
The layers of my truth…
The layers of His Truth…

Diagonal

I am reminded tonight that if things do not flow from the relationship that I have with Christ there is no true heart within the action. If I am too busy to seek out God individually to sit before HIs throne boldly approaching His wonderful face then I miss the point. If I am too busy doing ministry that I miss ministry on the way I miss relationship with the two things that matter God and man.

I have missed this.

All my life I have tried to excell in one aspect, God or man, much to the neglect of the other.

I am begining to find though that community begins when those two aspects are combined. I call this the diagonal relationship.

What was once only horizontle and what was once only verticle can be no more.

This diagonal is the road I traverse.

Over the course of this summer I normally sit in the UU of the college here and sit and people watch and think. Over the course of these past three or so weeks of doing this I have observed a few things worthy of note.

1.People always love to be in conversation.
2.People don't like to be alone.

I was sitting one day and saw this mom and her two kids walking by. The girl stopped to tie her shoe and over the course of the time she took tying her shoe her mom walked probably forty feet or so ahead. The girl couldn't bare the thought of being alone. Forty feet away. This struck me. This little girl loves her mom and wants to simply be in her presence as close as possible.

I was sitting another day in the UU and I saw this older lady praying and reading Mere Christianity. She had a huge smile and a peace about her the look of one who had just realized that they were loved. More impprtantly though as if she realized she was not alone.

Another day I was sitting back and listening to a conversation people were having the floor below me. It was about the most pointless things according to my mind. But then it struck me. Perhaps it's not merely about the conversation but the presence.

Jacob declares in Genesis " God was in this place, and I surely did not know." I know it to be so true so often that we strive for those times of pure verticality. So often I see us just waiting till that blessed moment where we can be with God alone? We miss the point of this life though. People were made for people!

Like often happens in dating relationships a bond becomes so strong much to the neglect of all the others. We have all experienced this:a friend who finds a deeper relationship with someone else and neglects you and most everyone because of it
But you know what! I am guilty of this with my Father in heaven.For most of my life I have been so captivated with Him that I lost track of everything else. Not a bad thing by anymeans but I refused to recognize I was still here on earth. I am part ministry as well as part worshiper. I eagerly look forward to the day when I can worship fully and unhindered but there is still a job to go to. bills to pay. relationships to build. food to eat. cleaning. videogames. and everything else this world is full of.

My dad was very wise when he once said" the mark of true christiany is how you learn to make it work in the real world.

Elise was saying something funny the other day. She said it was really odd to get to talk to the pastors of the church we attend here in SLO. I asked her why. She said. " They are real people." That is the the mark of a true christian right there!

JG

To hear this...!

I do not know where to begin. But I know when to end. And ending...! I dare not!
To recount all that God is doing? The God drenched destiny I find myself in...where to begin ? This is merely a begining!

Could I speak of the birds that sing ... for the first time really begining to be heard? Music made in the hearts of men singing in tune with the hoofbeats of the ryhtym of heaven.

Could I speak of a community of believers. A unity of Spirit.

Could I speak of a God who does more than these pages could even begin to try and say! A God who heals. A God who redeems fully. who reaches down and finds us in the pit of our sin and blesses us so incredibly?

I come late tonight more awake with each passing day and moment! Clarity is coming in the gentle whisper.

Strength is sharpened in this silence. Every word spoken with more power. things are most certainly returning but uncharted.

And I ask the question of myself do you know what you step into, John? I do not, but I step in.

To hear this...!

JG

Why I Stand Silent

When it comes to the words that I say.

The letters I pen.

The books I read.

The thoughts I hold.

The love I have.

The very words I speak.

The music I make in my heart...it all flows from One.

The perfect circle in which all things encircle and all worlds revolve.

And tonight before this God I sat silent. The night needed no words to rip through the fragile birth of hearts awakening.

And this is why I stand silent. Because my God is in control. How could I add to such a beauty.

Perfectly inadequate. Perfectly where I need to be.

My time is coming but not quite yet...I know my place

So Lord prepare the way...pass on before my way and make the new day a glorious dawn.

JG

All the Way my Savior Leads Me

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside
Can I doubt His faithful mercies
Who through life has been my guide
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort
ere by faith in Him to dwell
for I know whatever fall me
Jesus doeth all things well
All of the way my Savior leads me
and He cheers each winding path I tread
gives me strength for every trial
and He feeds me with the living bread
and though my weary steps may falter
and my soul a thirst may be
gushing from a rock before me
though a spirit joy I see

And all the way my Savior leads me
oh the fullness of His love
perfect rest in me is promised
in my Father's house above
when my spirit clothed immortal
wings its flight to realms of day
this my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way

-Fanny J. Crosby

The Story Begins

While I was back in Colorado I awoke Saturday the 30th of June to a text message from my roomates telling me that the hills in front of our house were on fire.

To be honest I got a little excited.

I knew God had answered prayer in the ways He does and begun a new story in the book of my life with that fire.

For those of you who arn't regulars to this page you should know that those hills are the place I commune with the almighty. Every time I go up there God meets me with the extraordinary.

I have been back in California for what is approaching two weeks now. I have stared at those hills out my windows every day and everytime I do I am reminded of the law given to Moses on Mt. Sanai. How God descended upon the mountain and burned the top. I have longed so desperately to go up there for these past two weeks to meet with my God my All Consuming Fire.

This morning came. I awoke...7am. I felt God calling me to those hills. Equipped with my bible. journal. water. mp3 player and warm clothes I ventured into the hills where the fire was.



I sat down. I saw what God had allowed to happen to these hills. Curiosity got me up kept me going through the fog and the burnt forest.

The fog began to break as I ventured along the top of the ridge. Revealing the mountaintops waking to meet the morning. It was simply breathtaking.

I sat down opened my bible to Isaiah 42. I kept reading, kept hearing the ever silent whisper of God.

"I will lay waste the mounatains and hills and will wither all their vegetation...I will lead the blind by a path they do not know in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into planes. These are the things I will do and I will not leave them undone"

I kept reading...

do not fear for I am with you"

I kept reading...

"Do not tremble and do not be afraid; have I not long since announced it to you and declared it?"

..."for I will pour out water on a thirsty land and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my spirit..."

...God is going to do something wonderful and the fire it was merely the begining.

JG

Desert of the Night ( hidden in the depths of night)

Eternity since I last penned a word
that would rage a world and bring the sword

Eternity since you last spoke a word
slashed this heart that it might sing in it's fullest tune
to raise a thousand voices to toll the bell of noon

Eternity since i had the strength to move this pen
It's hard to move in the breaking of fullest light
but you chose me to tarry through this desert of the night

Be it fear or lack of
crippling or the heart renching
noon-day or darkest night
...I know I am not alone

Every breath whispers, this breath in the coldest night
billows but reveals something behind itself, deeper
Eternity reveals the heart of someone behind the light

Echoes of a deeper treasure hidden in the depths of night
my only map, His light

Sand beneath my feet, shifting ever changing
Wind that brings the breeze
Journey ever longer ever deeper,
Moon in fullest view,brought to my knees
stars singing, ever proclaiming

Echoes of a deeper treasure hidden in the depths of night
...faith built no longer on sight

I have work early in the morning but I feel God calling me to sit here...be still and worship...there are seldom moments where I feel and understand this love this infinitude of God's love. It is most certain that in this moment I have gathered a glimpse.

I am clueless. I have chosen to fear and let it cripple me. I have chosen faithlessness to be my way. But in this moment I choose to believe and am quite confident that Jesus has laid out a way. A wonderful way. I know none of the details of this path. The only thing I know is that I love Jesus. He works out the details from there.

Thankyou for that God...for just a glimpse of Your love.

JG

Past: the Uncharted

Last night:found myself on the shores of the california coast mystified by fireworks touching the ocean's reflective depths.

Today: alone for the weekend, a weekend to be unhindered in constant communion with my Father.

Monday: flew in, discovered I couldn't bare what God was teaching alone.

3AM : awoke to a friend in the midst of battle.

Tuesday: encouraged by the hearts of others

Morning: read letters from a wise friend

Past: lesson learned in being a man

Past: taking initative

Past: defined by being a mystery

Past: the Uncharted

AND EVERY TIME GOD BROUGHT ME THROUGH IT ALL

Everytime: this time is no different

JG

New Lessons

For generally the first time in my life I believe that God has me on a string of lessons that doesn't come naturally or easy for me. I am not saying that the trials in my life have been pieces of cake. But the fact remains these lessons are a new breed.

I was telling Randy last night that I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. I am terribly uncomfortable with it. I feel as if I tell God every night I didn't choose what your going to use me for or what you are going to do with my life. But I am always brought back to the thought neither did all the other people in the bible. Those men and women God chose as his ambassadors those one he chose to do incredible things through were men and women much like myself.

When I so often turn to fearing what will happen:

Leadership. Responsibility.
Biblical manliness

I am comforted by all the other screwups in the bible that they made it out okay they clung to God's word as to a liferaft spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation stepped far outside their comfort zone but, in the end they made it out okay. Their faith was beautifully refined because of the process.

So as I sit here writing in my new house: the place I will continue to write from for probably another four years, I begin the third installment of lessons: the difficult ones that take time. Those ones that refine my character and heart far better than anything else I have ever experienced. I clinge to God and His Word to His will and His ordinance because it is the only way I will get through. I rise to the occasion.

JG

What if?

What if when we had a spare moment instead of turning to certain things like TV, facebook, AIM, blogging, checking our email, Youtube videos, and twiddling our thumbs etc. instead turned to the constant continued conversation with God?

I have found myself amazed at how much time I waste and how my heart, showcased by this unordinary lack of busyness, still does not seek out God in every moment.

As I sit here in mediation on these past two weeks I find myself wanting more to do. Those times I feel most alive are those moments and days where I am pushed to exhaustion forced to rely on my Jesus. Where every moment I desire to have conversation with God because of the necesiity for it.

I am dumbfounded with each time I have a lag in my schedule. I think in those times we get to see where our heart is at infinitely more than those times where we seek out God only out of necessity.

So I pose this question...what if when we had a spare moment we turned to God? To seeking him out in His word? Talking to him through prayer? What if?

What would that look like? What kind of culture would that cultivate? How would america look different than it does now?

I thank God for friends and a girlfriend who I could spend eternity with and never run out of things to say or do. But what about the God of the universe who sent his own Son? Currently would we be able to spend eternity with him and never run out of adoration and praise because we know who He is? Do we know this God?

I am not saying by any means that we should be like monks isolating ourselves from the world reading our bibles and praying all the time. The world we live in is a God soaked one! There are mountains to climb, lakes to swim in. There is a beauty all around us.

I merely wish to say I wish we all would simply love God like we do many other things in this world. I wish the idolatry we have around us would cease for the rest of eternity and we would see God with the unveiled face.

JG

Jesus of Suburbia

in 4 hours,I will wake
dreams will make me halt and fall
The vantage point, the mess

Show me that the light of that first star
Still can light this dark
You show me that

I cannot hear
accolade or amunition of the grenade
And now I'm drawing near it

Show me that the light of that first star
Still can light this dark
You show me that

...You show me that

JG

Ramblings

Life has a way of surprising, it is quite remarkable. Every day without ceasing.

Likewise, God has a way of being uncontainable and unpredictable, it is also quite remarkable. Every day I wake not knowing what the God of the universe, of the written and unwritten, holds for me.

...I know this much though that He takes my breath away at every moments chance.

Tonight I really don't know what my heart wants to unfold. I can't figure it out, and you know that's okay! I praise the Lord that when I feel I have nothing to offer he allows me to be used the most.

I feel you should know as a reader that the author sits at this computer split:part coward and part warrior.

God is doing remarkable things currently. And to be honest I cower before this God whose power is limitless. I stand most of the time only because I am told to be bold.Who God is scares me. His love although love has the power to overtake the world if we viewed it as it is. The very dirt He created has the power with a believeing heart to open the eyes of the blind.

Driscoll is far to right. God is no hippie. God is a fiery being who like the Sun has the power to fully engulf. disrupt power grids. rain fire. The God I serve is a little scary.

Praise God for Jesus who covers my sin in fully appeasing the very wrath of this God.

To Him alone be all the glory for a heart that can rise to the remarkable things set before me. Those things that take my breath away.

JG

the next volume begins...

There are so few moments in life where you can know for certain that that certain moment will never come about again. There will never be a night ever again where I could write of the specific beauty that I saw tonight. The look of love in the eyes of those who gave their vows. I will never be able to write about such wonderful things, ever ever again.There is a beauty indiscribable there. There is a power.

No more nights of my sister Kate and I staying up til four or five chatting about our lifes and God's movement. About those relationships. No more nights of me being able to meet those needs of simply listening. No more nights just like that. Tonight the book is closed on one aspect of the brother sister relationship. This is the night the next volume begins.

And I can't help smiling knowing that we have only touched the waters edge of the beauty that is found in the mighty ocean of what God has in store!

Tonight begins the next volume where my new brother and I become family.

Marriage is a beautiful thing.
JG

Miracles vs drugs

I wonder if when God tries to work he doesn't choose just one means. The thought recently came across my head...what if we bicker about stupid things as christians? What if we aren't getting to the real root of the problem? What if we are asking the wrong questions? Focusing on the wrong things as believers?

I was listening to a conversation between my mom a pharmasisct and her sister and how they both believe drugs are the means to getting better not miracles. A strange thing happened that got me thinking though my awesome friend during that conversation texted me telling me he passed up the oppurtunity to heal someone, telling me of his lack of faith. God has blessed such things in this mans life in the past. I was left to wonder why the doubt now?

Many christians believe God to be three part trinitarian by nature, what we dont' realize oftentimes is that God was perfectly happy within himself( 3 parts). He decided to create man in His image because He delighted so much in himself and wanted to share that delight and that realtionship with us.

GOD DOESN'T NEED US. YET HE DESIRES US EARNESTLY. HE DOESN"T NEED TO USE CERTAIN MEANS TO GET US TO SLAVATION. HE USES MIRACLES AND DRUGS DONKEYS AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER RANDOM THINGS TO GET PEOPLES ATTENTION. WHEN WE LIMIT GOD IN HIS MOVING AND DISCOUNT ALL OTHER SIDES OF THINGS WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHO GOD IS, THE ONE WHO SIMPLY DESIRES RELATIONSHIP WITH US.

I think in the christian world( liberal or conservative) we are so plagued by certain connotations words carry. We associate miracles speaking in tongues laying of hands as bad being associated with the those 'crazy' pentecostals.

The doubt of my friend is there because we do not look at who God is and we have everybody thinking their way is the only way when they haven't really considered God's view on the matter and that other pespective. I know some people are stupid and have no real anything to offer. God can still use them He spoke through an ass swallowed a man in a whale had a teenage girl get knocked up by the holy spirit and birth His Son. God doesn't need to things any specific way don't limit His means.

Today I heard a lot of judgment and hate passed on non believes and their sin. This happens everytime I am home it is the cultue that I enter each time I find myself here. To those in colroado passing judgment read 1 corinthians 5 and see what Paul has to say about judging the non believer! We are not allowed to do anything but love them! We need to focus on what GOD says not what we want to say...everything else will flow from there.

We do not live in a world where we have not been influenced by it. Each one of us is stained with a certain legacy that those before us have forged and we forget that those around us shape us. The saying is most certainly true like father like son. I look at great men of God and see their sons and I understand that if I am ever to leave a true legacy of greatness within my future sons it will be through looking to God the perfect father. I do that by learning who God is through his love letter written to me. By continuing the conversation in prayer and learning from those who are made in the image and likeness of my God.

Look to God alone and make Him your most sought after love. He loves you and desires you with a fiery passion.

JG

Background

A Speck of Eternity

I don't quite know where to begin this one...it is fast approaching the morning hours in the bedroom of my childhood. I am up because I cannot sleep. I feel like I did last summer where I could only sleep for four or so hours. I would wake up unsettled get on my knees cry and pray to my God.

It might be the room. It might be this place. This place where so much of me was formed. So much of the old self was ripped off . It is hard to see God in a speck of eternity. This place overwhelms me in so many wonderful ways. The fear of God cripples me in this place.

Sometimes the music becomes my friend... sometimes the silence is too unsettling in this place.

I have been home about 24 or so hours now. I find myself slapped in the face with what God did within me these six months that I have not come home.

I sit here on my couch in my room not knowing what quite to speak...

I know I could ramble on and God would use it somehow...He always does. But I think I will stop for the evening overwhelmed by the immensity of God's redemptive work within me. With a joy of what God has blessed and future blesssing to come. Overwhlemed by who He is. Love you all. I am praying for you.

JG

Lessons from the Marmots

So there are these squirrels properly called marmots that live outside my window. They just had their babies. They love to climb up the fence and hang from the wires.Sometimes I look out my window and I see there are five or six on one post: one at the top and all the others hanging from the wires.

From watching and observing them all year I have learned many things. This is what sticks out to me as of late though: We like the marmots try so hard to climb the post and end up just hanging there until we fall down not realizing there is another post fifteen feet away. It seems stupid but we do it all the time.

What I don't think we realize is that there are several posts unoccupied left empty and ready to be climbed. I feel so often within the church that we always want to be the one on that certain post. We think oh it would be glamourous to be a worship leader or be able to be the speaker. I believe strongly and would argue that we each have a post to climb and that God has destined for us to reign over a specific area, but it is by no means the glamorous. We need to stop bickering about positions and power. We can't continue to focus on the nearsightedness! There is a neccesity to look past the post and see that empty one.

See where you can help out in the church, you don't have to have some glamorous job just one that shows that you are willing to answer Jesus' call to be humble enough, be servant enough, and be loving enough.

Billy Grahm has said many profound things in his life but one is brought to my mind tonight. He said to the people that stuff his envelopes "Your reward will be greater than mine in Heaven." It's not about the glamorous.

Above many other things I have learned this quarter it is everyday work I do that God can use. I may want to be doing something glamorous like in a different season of life but God calls us to embrace the season we are in and to focus on the maybe small impact we can make on a select few around us.

I write this tonight to post what I have worked on this quarter but secondly say the greatest in heaven will be those who are not known by the world's eyes only by the eye's of the Father.

This is the work I have done this quarter...I have not had much time to devote to many things but God has used what I have done. Used it to shape me and allowed myself to be used in incredible ways without me even thinking I was doing anything but the ordinary.


FINAL PROJECT:
Enviornmental Retreat Center


From this...to this

To this...





DOOR PROJECT:
Create a door....


SKIN PROJECT:
Create a creative skin for a building



JG

On the Anniversary of Silence

What can God do over the course of a year within a man's life? How radically can he change that very heart...redeeming every broken thing that remains?

I kneel at my desk writing this declaring in my being that God can do much! I see it because of what He has done with the little I am!

Today marks a very important day in my life. Today marks a year to the date that God did something truly wonderful. He stripped many spiritual gifts I owned away. Begun a year of constant change in which my eyes would be forced to focus on the only thing that would be immutable. Today marks the day He gave me orders that I could not say yes to a year ago.

Here a year later after a year of silence I see the valleys of my heart and how they have finally become prepared. They have been leveled. I have surely been baptized in both the spirit and the water. ( John 3) And I finally declare my resounding Yes to the question I could not have said yes to that day a year ago!

God found me today in the hills around SLO. God granted me an audience with Himself this morning and afternoon, with the One whom searches my heart. He spoke through his Word and His creation telling me much of what He desires for me to do .

This chapter is about a man who has been changed fully by his God. No more need be said.

Click To Play

When I survey God all you have done
When I see beauty unfolded
when I see the rain fall down

When I listen to the silent drops that seem to fall so easily from the heavens, God
I understand how infintley You love us
and how willingly You are to bestow upon us wonderful things

And I wonder so often Why God? Why do we choose the bad things
Why do we choose the temporary over the eternal

I wonder so often why, we stare often at this rain that is falling down and how we don't understand it
We don't understand how much you love us
How much You are willing to bestow upon us

If only we would live for the eternal

and I wonder so often God, but I understand,

God you have willing bestowed upon us so many things, so many things that we can't seem to put together because we have lived for the temporary

and you say that love requires sacrifice God...real love does God!

And I wonder why God you showed us that love with Your sacrifice

It's to pave the way

To show us love

God may we show You that love

Oh God I wish...I wish we could

Will we God? Will we stand for You? Will we be strong?

WE NEED TO BE...

It is time to be risen up...for You to raise us up God.
To surrender wholly unto you our loving savior!

JG

Time itself in His Hands

"How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none. Eternal years lie in His heart.For Him time does not pass it remains; and those who are in Christ share with Him all the riches of limitless time and endless years. God never hurries. That are no deadlines against which He must work. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves.. For those out of Christ, time is a devouring beast;before the sons of the new creation time crouches and purrs and licks their hands. The foe of the old human race becomes the friend of the new, and the stars in their courses fight for the man God delights to honor. This we may learn from the divine infinitude"

A.W. Tozer

I was in discipleship today and we read the above quote and my heart soul and mind were taken a back by this God. This God who holds time itself in His hands. This God who can hold the sun in the sky until the battle or the labor is done.

As an architecture major I am told constantly by my fellow students that there is no way to go through this major without pulling an all nighter. There is no way to do all the things God is calling me to do and step out of faith in and do it with excellence. There is no way...there is not enough time. BUT, as I continue to see how God can sustain me, I am compelled to say "no." I am compelled to pray

"Everlasting God How you cease from being weary and tired. I gifted by thy self, thou in me dwelling the God who has time itself in His hands, impart on me the knowledge of what I have been given and the strength I am entitled to."

I was up for 21 hours straight yesterday and I did not grow tired and weak because of what isaiah 40:28-31 declares about God. I was able to work effeciently because of Him who sustains me.

When we forget the character of the true God things will overwhlem. If we truly believe that God is who He says He is the shortsightedness will cease and we will begin to see that he has made " the rough ground a plain...and lifted the valley."

We have God living inside of us. We best learn to acknowledge He is inside, and learn to live more by Him and less by us.

He holds time itself in His hands...

"Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves For those out of Christ, time is a devouring beast;before the sons of the new creation time crouches and purrs and licks their hands. The foe of the old human race becomes the friend of the new, and the stars in their courses fight for the man God delights to honor."

JG

It's done

Yes it is true the model is done! It is now about 4 am but it is done. Enjoy the photos. I am going to go to sleep.
JG

Prelude to the Grandeur

It seems like it has been an eternity since I last wrote. These keys I type are cold. This room I write in hushed by what seems an eternity of stillness. It would appear with such breadth of distance between the past writ and the writing to come...thoughts would refuse to echo off the blank walls.Perhaps though with the motion of these keys a once still place may once again begin to reverberate in this chorus of praise .

My heart is amazed by how God always ends the school year with a grand finally.

I was reading my bible this morning, something I haven't had the time to do amidst all the crazines that is utilities.housing.finals.final projects.packing.new furniture. girlfriends. friends. meetings. bibles studies.roomates.eating.sleeping.rent.summer jobs. grocey shopping.arch supply shopping.9 month anniversaries. phone calls.lunch dates.email. Late nights etc. I was not struck by the words this morning but merely the thought of how good it is to simply be still. As the pslams declare "be still and know." To enjoy the stillness for a moment.

I was thinking this week if like each year I wanted to record another album of the music I had written this year. I still have not made up my mind on that but I did decide if I were to do it I would call the album" Prelude to the Grandeur."

I believe this: that God truly wants to blow us away. What I have seen this year is a beautiful prelude but it is not at all the composing genius that is God. He has much better things in store. What He's done this year is incredible I do not discount that...BUT...He has much more in store.I am confidently assured.

I got to witness one of the most beautiful things this week...a heart gently broken and tears of joy fall without hesitation as the heavens and the floodgates of a man's heart were opened. I saw the love of a father in the reflection of the most beautiful tears. Tears of joy.

I saw God's love in those tears and I was taken a back because it was so much that my heart became a fire within. These keys burn my hands recounting such a thing. And to be taken a back by this God and see the heart of a Father reflected...that is something truly wonderful.I know this much...we are in the midst of a prelude to something much grandeur.

God is truly Good. And He loves us so dearly!
JG

A Hymn God gave me tonight

STILL for thy loving-kindness, Lord,
I in thy temple wait;
I look to find thee in thy word,
Or at thy table meet.

Here, in thine own appointed ways,
I wait to learn thy will;
Silent I stand before thy face,
And hear thee say, "Be still!"

"Be still! and know that I am God!" -
'Tis all I live to know;
To feel the virtue of thy blood,
And spread its praise below.

I wait my vigour to renew,
Thine image to retrieve,
The veil of outward things pass through,
And gasp in thee to live.

I work, and own the labour vain,
And thus from works I cease;
I strive, and see my fruitless pain,
Till God create my peace.

Fruitless, till thou thyself impart,
Must all my efforts prove;
They cannot change a sinful heart;
They cannot purchase love.

I do the thing thy laws enjoin,
And then the strife give o'er;
To thee I then the whole resign,
I trust in means no more.

I trust in him who stands between
The Father's wrath and me;
Jesu, thou great eternal Mean,
I look for all from thee.
-John Wesley